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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Hes left me

(77 Posts)
strugglin Sun 11-Nov-12 20:06:05

We have had a massive row he grabbed my face and shoved me across the kitchen smashed and kicked his way through the house packed his stuff and went. Hes going for custody of our ds as he says ds is at risk with me hes ringing ss about my other 2 dc as they arnt his he says i need sectioning. He has just rung he wants all the babys clothes cot and anything else hes bought him by the 30th. Wtf happens now?! I havent got the strength to fight i cant loose my dcs i have no money my gas and electric are due to run out i dnt get paid until tuesday . Please help me someone

foolonthehill Sun 11-Nov-12 21:30:08

Glad you are calm but you still need to protect yourself and the DCs from this man. Please phone the police. please. You know you need to get this logged so you can keep him away from you and dc

Milvesrus Sun 11-Nov-12 21:36:29

Police and Women's Aid immediately. You need support but you also need proof if he's going to start playing silly buggers.

strugglin Sun 11-Nov-12 21:38:00

I cant phone the police it will cause me more trouble than i need. The police will log it with ss ive already got a history with the police and ss due to ex being abusive.

NorbertDentressangle Sun 11-Nov-12 21:46:12

strugglin - even if you're not going to phone the police please phone Women's Aid. You need someone who can talk you through what to do.

Plomino Sun 11-Nov-12 21:53:02

Struggling .

Please please ring the police . Being a victim of DV , more than once , does not make it your fault . I could write you a list of women I have dealt with who have been victim's of DV at the hands of a number of different partners . They still have their children . If you get this logged , much better that you do , than one of your neighbours makes the call instead, which sounds like I'm trying to frighten you into it , but I'm really not . I'm trying to point out that at this point , you have help available to you . Grab it with both hands .

strugglin Sun 11-Nov-12 21:58:02

Im going to go through my options tomorrow. I cant face anymore tonight. Im too tired (my ds2 isnt very well either).

Offred Sun 11-Nov-12 22:01:49

If you don't call the police and you have a history with ss it won't look good if he calls them. Please think again about reporting it.confused

Plomino Sun 11-Nov-12 22:06:47

You don't have to do it tonight. You've had a shitty day , and decisions don't have to be made at once . Are you ok ? Try and get some rest if you can , secure your house , keep your phone with you all the time , just in case.

Tomorrow is another day. You may feel differently . Good luck .

Whatnowffs Sun 11-Nov-12 22:08:28

Please call the police, you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position if you don't. You need to stay one step ahead.

MrsTomHardy Sun 11-Nov-12 22:09:21

You should report it really.
Sorry no real practical advice but keep calm, stay strong and don't let him bully you over ds's
Good luck

MikeLitoris Sun 11-Nov-12 22:17:52

You need to phone the police.

If he is serious about trying for custody then it needs to be on record that he is a violent thug.

Wrt the gas and elec, I assume you are on pp meters? Call your supplier in the morning, they can and should be able to help.

dipndunk Sun 11-Nov-12 22:28:58

can i just say if you call your energy supplier, dont say you have no money to top up.. say you have a faulty key/card or have lost them. advise there are young children and ask for windon. They wont do it just on the fact you have no money to top up. hope this helps and hope you feel slightly better

2kidsintow Sun 11-Nov-12 22:35:30

My friend had to call the police on her violent husband. He'd hit her and punched her. She turned up at mine at 3am and I was the one who ended up calling the police.

Yes, it's traumatic to go through giving a statement, but my friend has had nothing but support from the police, the witness support service etc. But at no time has anyone contacted the SS.

olgaga Sun 11-Nov-12 22:43:07

OP you really must phone the police. You can call the non-emergency number 101 and ask to speak to the domestic violence unit. You really must do this. It could mean the difference between getting legal aid or not.

Are you married or living together?

stepford1 Sun 11-Nov-12 22:52:14

Please please ring the police - I just went on mumsnet for the first time in ages after calling the police because hubby was drunk and aggressive and had thrown things and made the kids cry but NOTHING like what you have been through and they were so supportive. I am slightly frightened that I did call them and when I see what someone like you has been through I feel like a total drama queen but honestly they would rather know and if nothing else it gives you back the power if you EVER had a custody battle but keeping quiet doesn't help you or your precious children... Sleep safe

strugglin Mon 12-Nov-12 13:50:22

Im having a shocking day im really ill have been throwing up since i opened my eye. I managed the sort some electric out but no gas until payday. I have been to my local sure start centre i have got a family support worker coming tomorrow.

Offred Mon 12-Nov-12 13:52:35

Throwing up after a head injury needs to be checked out I think. Could you call NHS direct?

strugglin Mon 12-Nov-12 13:55:10

My ds has has a sickness bug so im assuming ive picked that up as ive got stomache ache aswell.

MikeLitoris Mon 12-Nov-12 15:56:24

Struggling. Who is your gas supplier?

JuliaScurr Mon 12-Nov-12 16:02:04

strugglin Mon 12-Nov-12 16:06:06

mike im with british gas

Thanks for all the advice all of you it has been noted and when i shake this bug off i will do something

olgaga Mon 12-Nov-12 16:15:35

The family support worker should help you with the local contacts you need - they are usually in touch with the local Women's Aid for example. I hope you get some good advice and they give you the help you need. Do you have any friends/family in RL who can help you?

GrimAndHumourless Mon 12-Nov-12 16:25:04

No you won't

You'll accept him back, I expect he'll bring you flowers and a puppy dog expression, things will go on nicely til, ooh, let's see yes, Christmas, then it'll start again, only this time he'll really hurt you


strugglin Mon 12-Nov-12 16:27:58

Olgaga no i dont speak to my family other than my dad ringing to arrange visits to their home. No friends that i confide in just school mums that i say hello to.

olgaga Mon 12-Nov-12 16:30:01

Well perhaps you will need to start confiding... certainly you need to be completely honest with the Support Worker.

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