Hi, I've namechanged for this as my friend could possibly work out from my other posts on MN who I am.
I have been best friends with my best friend since we were about 12. All through school our friendship was based very much on her being the leader, and me being the underdog. She decided everything and bossed me around a lot. I took this as I didn't have much confidence at school. She is very much the type of person who is fine as long as absolutely everything is going her way. Should anyone upset the apple cart then she effectively bullies that person. I have seen her do it many a time to others, and I learnt at school to just toe the line and please her as I learnt to my cost once that if I didn't do as she said I would end up with everyone being turned against me and having a thoroughly miserable time until she decided to 'forgive' me. At the same time she would have people to whom she was very respectful and whom she wouldn't dare cross, and she would be nice as pie to them.
Fast forward twenty years and we are still in touch, more out of habit than anything really. We have a big circle of mutual friends, some of whom were from our schooldays, and other friends we've met in the meantime. I socialise a lot with many of these mutual friends. Not so much with so-called BF but I do socialise in a group with her at times. She arranges a lot of nights out but again it all has to suit her or she throws her toys out of her pram.
One thing I've noticed however is she speaks to me very disrespectfully all the time. She is quite an abrupt person and very bossy, and a lot of people do take this, but I've noticed the way she speaks to me is even more disrespectful than her bossy tone, it's very condescending and downright rude. Few examples; it was my birthday in the summer. She wrote 'HB' on my FB wall as my birthday message. Yet on mutual friends walls for their birthdays she is very gushing 'Happy Birthday Sweetie, have a super day, enjoy' etc etc. She also does FB events pages if she organises a night out and if I say anything on them I get a very snappy reply or if I can't go she just writes 'shame' whilst on other mutual friends replies if they can't go she is all 'never mind my darling, see you soon'. When we meet up she is very snappy with me. Everyone else gets gushing treatment yet I often get snapped at and spoken to like something she's scraped off her shoe. Yet she keeps contacting me and inviting me to things, and texts me etc, but doesn't seem to like me? I think she is a complex character with lots of jealousy issues and one mutual friend has suggested she might be jealous of me. And at other times she makes jokes about me that everyone else thinks are funny but I know she's doing it as a put down. Also all her comments on my FB are rude or derogatory. I put one on of one of my DDs the other week and her comment 'God she looks like YOU. Poor child'.
Anyway, I really don't feel I can tackle her on her behaviour as I know what she is like, she will whinge and bitch and turn all mutual friends against me, and I will be totally left out of the social circle. I don't make any attempt to contact her and keep contact with her on nights out very brief, but I can't cut off from her altogether as she will again turn on me and make my life difficult.
I really don't know what to do; do I pull back from the nights out and focus on other friends that aren't mutual friends with her, of which I have quite a few. Or do I stand up to her? Ignore her? I'm not keen on confrontation. And everyone else seems to think she's wonderful. Help!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Friend speaks to me like dirt but speaks to others nicely
Galaxycounters · 11/11/2012 18:56
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.