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Help me...

(52 Posts)
The3Bears Sun 11-Nov-12 14:42:37

So my partner has left me, I tried to talk to him today but he doesnt even want to try he just wants his old single life back.
I am in pieces I have a 5 yr old and a 12 week old and im just breaking down all the time I feel so stupid and like a failure.
How can I move on because atm I cant eat, sleep or anything really just feel crap.
My sister has been round and my mum but it's just so hard and I cannot cope at all, please help me sad

Teabagtights Sun 11-Nov-12 14:46:36

It will take time. This time next week you will feel a bit stronger the week after stronger still, in a year you will look back and not remember how bad it felt.

Time is a great healer.

My niece lost 3.5 stone in two months after her bf left.

Keep busy, remember your children need you.

The3Bears Sun 11-Nov-12 14:49:01

I know they need me and im trying to be strong but im not, im a mess and I cant imagine being without him, but he's gone.

fayster Sun 11-Nov-12 14:53:52

You are not a failure, you're not the one who's walked out on their partner and children.

You will be fine, my love, I promise you that you will be. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will get stronger and stronger. In the meantime, it's fine to cry whenever you need to.

YerMaw1989 Sun 11-Nov-12 15:00:36

This won't mean much now, but in some ways he has done you a favour.

By leaving now and not being a deadbeat dad who would rather be somewhere else for years.
Your children will see you stuck around and made a life for them.

big hugs.

Nomorepain Sun 11-Nov-12 15:05:43

I have been there. Get out and go and see some friends. Don't stay in the house it will send you crazy.

You could ptob do with some time away from the kids too. Could your sister or mum gave them for a bit?

One foot on front of the other. This bit is hard and painful and is the worst feeling ever but it is temporary and you will get better and stronger and happier xxxxxx

The3Bears Sun 11-Nov-12 15:08:27

I dont have anything though, we always said he would achieve his career goals first and then I would, ive been a sahm for 6 years. What am I going to do I have no money and noway of making any I feel like a fool for ever trusting him

meditrina Sun 11-Nov-12 15:09:53

Oh you poor thing < pats and strokes hair >

But you are not the stupid failure, he is.

Don't really know what else to say, other than to reassure you that you do have the strength to care for your children through this. Sleep will return, but you do need to eat - set an alarm or something on your phone to remind you, or have something when the children eat. Even if all you get down us a bit of toast, a piece of fruit and a multivitamin it will help.

ledkr Sun 11-Nov-12 15:10:29

What a bastard,poor you. In time you will despise him for this I promise.
It's happened to me and a million others and we all have this in common; we all survived.
For the next few days just grieve and surround yourselves with people who care for you. Treat it a bit like being ill and do what you can to feel better. Try to eat and get sleep if you can.
You will be ok he is a mere man whereas you are a fabulous woman who has produced two human beings of course you can do this xxx

The3Bears Sun 11-Nov-12 15:11:32

I just cant eat I cant face it, I feel worse because im ebf ds2 aswell and im now going to have to stop as I have not eaten a full meal in ages sad

ledkr Sun 11-Nov-12 15:14:08

Tax credits are a godsend if you want to work and study. I had nothing either 6 yrs ago now I have a lovely home which I own and a good job.
Get yourself to the benefits place or citizens advice tomorrow you will be better off than you think.

The3Bears Sun 11-Nov-12 15:14:13

I just cant believe a few weeks ago we were perfect we had our newbaby and he was telling me how proud he was of me and now he's just decided thats it he's had enough

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 11-Nov-12 15:16:36

Ok, if you can't bring yourself to eat, how about a drink of milk, perhaps a milkshake or some of those "Build Up" products? They only need to be sipped throughout the day and will keep you going till your tummy stops churning.

Can't contribute anything more, sorry, but thinking of you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 11-Nov-12 15:18:16

Can you go and stay with your Mum for a few days until the raw shock has worn off a bit? One advantage of having children to look after is that there's an element of needing to hold it together .... fake it until you make it and all that.... but it's nice to have someone adult to talk to who can make you a cup of tea from time to time.

Sorry you're feeling so terrible. It is a horrible experience but it does get better gradually over time. Look after yourself and, when the fog clears, hit the bastard where it hurts won't you?

ledkr Sun 11-Nov-12 15:18:27

When did he leave? Can you try something to eat now? A spoon of yogurt or a piece of cheese. Would be a shame to stop bf. your feelings stem from an over production of adrenaline can you go for a fast walk or run to get rid of it? Or dance around with dc.

The3Bears Sun 11-Nov-12 15:20:38

We had a big argument last friday and since then I havent had a full meal Ive eaten but not much, constantly drinking water though. I dont have any energy and I dont want to give up bf but I cannot eat at all

The3Bears Sun 11-Nov-12 15:21:52

I cant really stay with my mum as shes having her kitchen done and theres no room as my brothers still there, shes only round the corner though

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sun 11-Nov-12 15:23:38

Could you cope with soup? There's somerhing very comforting about Heinz tomato* and it takes no effort at all.

*other soups are available and may be just as comforting.

ledkr Sun 11-Nov-12 15:25:33

I remember it well I lost 3 stone. I had 4 dc one was 8 months and I also remember the feeling of disbelief that a short time ago we were so happy. Try not to dwell on that though concentrate on now and getting through the next few days a good book or funny DVDs anything to take your mind off it.

ledkr Sun 11-Nov-12 15:28:02

Or just cake op good excuse to just eat cake all day

The3Bears Sun 11-Nov-12 15:29:01

Im fed up of my mum and sister etc saying he'll come back, because I know he wont.

He left on friday and said he needed space so he went to his mums he came to see the children yesterday and we ended up arguing, he says he loves me but he needs to think about things hes fed up of me not trusting him. So I said I will wait as long as I know your coming back and he just said he doesnt know yet! what a joke

marriedinwhite Sun 11-Nov-12 15:32:59

Hugely positive having your mum round the corner.

Tomorrow you get your mum to phone a decent local solicitor and go to see them with you. You may not have anything of "your own" but your dp is responsible for you and the children. This needs to be spellt out as does your situation from a legal point of view.

If your dc are only 5 and eight weeks, I imagine the older one will be at school. That gives some routine from tomorrow morning onwards. Routine around which to fit a slice of toast and a hot chocolate; a bowl of soup and a soft roll, scrambled eggs on toast at tea-time. Not too much to manage but enough to keep you going and keep you well enough to look after the dc.

This is the start of the rest of your life. The life where nobody lets you down again; the life which will be more independent and happier.

marriedinwhite Sun 11-Nov-12 15:34:08

Why don't you trust him OP. That sentence speaks volumes.

The3Bears Sun 11-Nov-12 15:36:01

Yes ds1 is at school and it will force me to go out but I just keep crying all the time, I just never thought he would do this we were happy sad

HecatePropylaea Sun 11-Nov-12 15:38:00

Fed up of you not trusting him?

What's he said that for? Has he given you reason to not trust him?

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