I just don't know. I think I need an outsider's perspective because I talk to my mum and her perspective is skewed because my dad is a total control freak.
Anyway here are some examples of things he has done which I think are controlling but he denies are - there are some trivial and some not so much (and some which might be my fault):
- he moved his 20yo daughter and her boyfriend (who we didn't know) into our house without even running it past me
- he invested thousands of pounds into shares which bombed without my knowledge
- he invited his elderly disabled mother to our house when I was one week post natal and then went off to work (I begged him to uninvite her and he refused as it would upset her)
- this is a bit controversial but I feel he decided on my behalf that we would start a family. I wasn't sure. We had used withdrawal method successfully for 8 years and then he failed to withdraw (I didn't know this at the time - god knows how) and I got pregnant and didn't know it. I know contraception is both parties responsibility so I am not sure on this one but I do feel annoyed that he took it upon himself to make this decision without speaking to me.
- he decided what CM our DD would go to (on superficial grounds) and would not listen to me when I said we should shop around. Now she is there and settled and I do like the CM but all he does is moan about her and blame her every time DD gets ill
- he calls me stupid and tells me to shut up all the time
- he invites people on our holidays without asking me first.
- all our friends are 'his' friends from before he met me. I managed to maintain one couple from my side who came to see us in the summer and all he has done is complain about them ever since and say we won't see them again etc.
- this is trivial but he has whatever he wants on tv and rarely thinks to ask me. If he decides there is 'nothing on' he will put on a war film from the hard drive rather than ask me. I've turned a blind eye to this because I don't really care for tv but I think it's symptomatic
- when we are out he is HORRIBLE about other women's appearance, usually their size "look at that fat bitch" etc. This is in front of our DD who is only 1 but will one day be 10. He thinks I am ridiculous when I ask him not to do it
- similarly he makes extremely offensive racist comments and again I have asked him not to do this in front of DD. yesterday I read him a thread on here about a little boy who was excluded for being 'racist' (although in that case he wasn't but anyway) and he replies "if any head teacher has a go at DD for being racist I will go up to the school and punch them". This descended into a row and I gave up in the end.
- I am working full time but I have little choice about what our money is spent on. I got a £800 bonus at work and he took it all to pay his tax, which I suppose is fair enough as tax needs paying, but we both work like dogs and seem to live hand to mouth. This is because we have 2 properties to pay for (the other one was his 'lifelong dream' that he had to have and now he refuses to sell it even though we have 2 kids so we are stuck paying 2 mortgages for a house I don't even want. Yet I have to ask if I can have the heating on and get a load of flack about it when it's on.
I am sorry for the rant, I'm starting to think I'm going mad.
