Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I don't know what to do, I cannot cope with all of this

(187 Posts)
SantasStrapOn Sun 11-Nov-12 01:51:33

S'me Stratters. I cba to name change and you'd all guess it was me anyway.

I have nobody but my DDs. No family. My family are v v toxic and I was the scapegoat. No friends. I cant bring myself to trust anyone enough. Apart from the DDs, and people like the dentist, my GP, the only people I 'talk' to are my XPILs and my XH. I don't leave the house, I am terrified of everyone and everything, and I have no trust. This time last year I wasn't quite so bad, but it's steadily got worse and worse.

ATOS, in their wisdom, decided that I was perfectly ok. They lied and said that I went on my own (I didn't), and put the opposite of what I said down. I was interviewed by a physiotherapist FGS. I appealed and was told I wouldn't get a tribunal for 18 months. That was in March.

I filled in the paperwork. Made it very clear that it was impossible for me to represent myself, told them i had noone who could attend for me, told them the real version of what happened in my interview. Told my GP what had happened. Went to see my old Psychiatrist, who I've seen on and off since having DD2. I'm having fortnightly counselling but have only just started. I know I need to sort this out, but it's so hard without any support. I have nobody to ask to represent me, and nobody has offered to.

I planned to get a letter from my psychiatrist and counsellor, and send it as supporting evidence. I spoke to the DWP, who said it was clearly a mistake and not to worry.

Today I got a letter from the tribunal service in Peterborough. The appeal was held on the 9th. I had no forewarning that it was going to take place then. Nobody told me.

My appeal has failed. I have no fucking idea what to do next, and I can't cope with even thinking about it. I have never felt so alone and helpless.

TheEyesHaveIt Sun 11-Nov-12 17:38:08

Does your local Council have a Welfare Rights worker? If so contact them, they are highly successful in getting these decisions overturned on appeal. I really feel for you, I am awaiting a verdict on my assessment and feeling the pressure. Stress like this makes my medical condition worse. If this is the case for you too then don't forget to labour this point with your GP and any other health professional. I second contacting your MP.

rhondajean Sun 11-Nov-12 17:45:39

Jeez stratters I had no idea, you are one of the people I love to read posting on here, you cheer me up so much and I am so sorry you have been going through this alone.

I can't do much to help but...

One of my best friends is a welfare rights officer and if you need any questions answered about the system, how it works, what is the best thing to do etc, just say, she's brilliant at her job and knows it all back to front and she can advise on the best thing for you to do.

RandallPinkFloyd Sun 11-Nov-12 17:50:27

I'm so sorry Stratters.

Depression is totally, utterly shit.

I can't help unfortunately as I have no knowledge of the system at all.

Just wanted to add another voice of support and another hand to hold thanks

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sun 11-Nov-12 18:02:47

Big hugs, Stratters. xxx

5madthings Sun 11-Nov-12 18:14:02

What a pile of shit! How can they hold your appeal without telling you?!!

I have no advice but am thinking of you, i do know that my friend was being sent to atos but his gp and consultant wrote to them saying he will never be fit for work (mh issues, broken back causing ongoing problems and cronnes disease) he then got a letter from atos saying case closed and he would continue to get his benefitd.

SantasStrapOn Sun 11-Nov-12 20:49:45

I need more help please. I need to make a plan of action of who to contact, and what questions to ask them/what to say to them.

Starting with my GP tomorrow. And I'll speak to my old psychiatrist, I saw him in the summer after the shit hit the fan with my bloody family.

rhondajean Sun 11-Nov-12 20:52:26

My friend is off work tomorrow stratters. I'll email her with as much info as I can and hopefully she will get back to me with some answers on Tuesday. I should say we are in Scotland so some of the landscape re support agencies will be different but the benefits stuff is obviously the same.

Chin up girl.

SantasStrapOn Sun 11-Nov-12 20:57:28

God thank you rhonda, you don't know just how grateful for you all I am.

formallyknownasloveydarling Sun 11-Nov-12 21:02:36

I am really sorry that I have nothing to say that will help you sort this situation out.

I feel I need to tell you this though:

When I read your posts on MN, you seem to be witty, perceptive, clever, caring and loved. You are at the top of the MN hierarchy.

There is no way this can be a false persona; you are really like this, I am certain of it.

Maybe you could remind yourself of this in RL.

Would you like to tell us where you live in case anyone can offer RL help?

How are your DCs coping?

I am shocked and sorry for what you are going through.

Love to you

SantasStrapOn Sun 11-Nov-12 21:09:47

No, that is me. I try and be nice, I get angry when I see someone trolling or being treated unfairly, I'm kind to small children and animals, and most of the time I seem relatively normal and ordinary.

I just have this hideous black cloud that lives above me. Probably stems from an utterly shit childhood, and being shat on from great heights rather a lot. I know I'm vulnerable, deep down I want everyone to be lovely and trustworthy, but I know it's impossible rubbish.

Thank you for the love, I can't stress how much you all mean to me, it's ridiculous but sometimes I feel like you're all I have apart from the DDs and the animals.

The DC cope well, they know I suffer from depression, but I never ever let them see how bad I hurt. I can't. I don't want their childhood to be anything like mine. Mine was ruined by selfish, uncaring parents who doted on my sister and used me as a mental punchbag. I want my DDs to know nothing like the sadness or despair I felt as a child. So I hide everything from them.

Selks Sun 11-Nov-12 21:13:01

I'd put on your plan to phone CAB as a start maybe?

SantasStrapOn Sun 11-Nov-12 21:14:59


Ring CAB. And my old psych. And make an appointment to see my GP. Should I ask him why he hasn't offered to help?

Selks Sun 11-Nov-12 21:15:04

Have messaged you Stratters

Kethryveris Sun 11-Nov-12 21:18:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

domesticgodless Sun 11-Nov-12 21:22:28

ATOS are taxpayer-funded bullies of the sick and disabled. The tactics of Stratters' 'health care professional' are typical. Outright lies, minimisation and obfuscation in order to shove as many people off the incapacity rolls as possible.

They have blood on their hands.There's a suicide list on several blogs of people driven to kill themselves by their shit.

It should be a national scandal. Not getting at anyone on here but people just don't know what is going on in the country. If they did there would have beena lot more people marching on Oct 20th.

Sorry Stratters for ranting. The advice re getting the CAB and Welfare Rigths officer involved is spot on. Procedurally the issue of the appeal going ahead in your absence (!!) is utter crap and must invalidate the whole thing. You need to lobby the job centre (and you will need to LOBBY and nag, make yourself a pain in the ass or they will just ignore you and hope you go away) regarding this clear error.

I am researcher in this area and I can tell you that what has just happened to you is illegal- but lack knowledge of actually how to navigate the appeals process right now to get your benefits reinstated- so a bit useless sorry :/ however there are multiple blogs and sites out there for fellow sufferers which will support you and point you in the right direction.

Try googling Black Triangle Campaign, ATOS miracles on FB, DWP examination. Write to your local paper and other victims in your area will get in touch with you.

Are you in my area (London?) Can I help you with anything? Please do PM. I suffer from bipolar and premenstrual dysphoric disorder myself and I know how shit it gets. I manage to work but I am well aware that this may not last.


domesticgodless Sun 11-Nov-12 21:23:33

Also next time you must take a representative in to the assessment with you and record it. you have a legal right to this, which they will try to bully you out of.

SantasStrapOn Sun 11-Nov-12 21:28:42

No, I'm in Lincolnshire, but thank you.

I did wonder how they could go ahead with the appeal thing without even telling me it was happening. I was told it wouldn't be for another year, so I was expecting to see my counsellor a lot prior to asking her to write a letter of support. Same for my old psych, I'd already seen him in the summer, told him about it, and was going to see him a couple more times and then get a letter.

I can't afford to seem him more often, he's private only and I simply don't have £375 spare every month. Otherwise I'd practically live there, he's a fantastic person and one of the few I trust.

CinnabarRed Mon 12-Nov-12 08:17:42

Thing is. You may have depression. You may have cruel anxiety. You may have a toxic family.

But you also have the best Christmas name ever.

And you have us.

Thumbwitch Mon 12-Nov-12 09:06:30

<likes> Cinnabar's post.

hildebrandisgettinghappier Mon 12-Nov-12 10:26:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OTheHugeManatee Mon 12-Nov-12 11:49:41

Stratters sad

If I can help in any way, say the word.

BumpInTheNightFuglies Mon 12-Nov-12 11:58:52

Stratters, I think I may live near you. I'll PM you.

Thistledew Mon 12-Nov-12 12:04:43

Contact the Free Representation Unit. They can advise and represent you about benefit appeals for free.

flyoverthegoldenhill Mon 12-Nov-12 12:20:46

Stratters my heart is breaking for you, I am another person that you yes you darling make smile. You had me laughing with your staple gun thread. My relative had to go through ATOS - it is shitty shite crap bollocks. I think maybe we should all look at the Mind campaign. Good luck with appealing, you are in my thoughts thanks

DreamingofSummer Mon 12-Nov-12 12:31:09


First of all - Cyber hugs
Second - write to your MP
Third - write to the tribunal saying you weren't informed. They won't do anything but this gets it on record
Fourth - there's plenty of excellent advice on this thread. Get stuck into them
Fifth - get angry!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: