Just need to get this off my chest

[Dramajustfollowsme]

My dd has never been a great sleeper. At 18 months I can count on one hand the times she has slept through to the morning. DH and I are clearly suffering because of this.
Add to this, Im grieving for the loss of my parents last year and trying to cope with looking after my elderly grandad. And I'm not feeling well. Nothing life threatening but I feel awful. I've had to work extra the last couple of weeks too.
My DH got a promotion and although it means slightly more money, he says until he "establishes" himself he has to work long hours. Most nights he isn't home until 9pm. Sometimes it is even later. He is so knackered that he basically comes in, eats then goes to bed.
Anyway, this week he has had a weeks holidays. Now I don't expect him to be Cinderella but on the 3 days dd went to nursery. He has done nothing around the house. In days gone by we used to split everything 50/50 but with me usually being p/t recently I've been doing the bulk. Everything, except his shirts for work. I also do everything for dd. I did think that this week, with me working 5 days, running grandad to appointments and not feeling well he might have stepped up. Wrong. In the 3 days dd went to nursery, he has done nothing.
The house is a tip. Not one solitary dish has been washed. I'm seriously fucked off that everything now appears to be my responsibility. Must have missed that part in the ante-natal classes,
He has also made noises about when i go back full time, we will have more money. Is he kidding? We would need a bloody maid just to clean up after him. I've had enough. I tried to speak to him but he says there isn't a problem. End of conversation.
My grandad then phones to remind me, about taking him to the remembrance service. DH says "great, you can take dd as she has missed you with you working so much."
Yes, I've been working but still have her from 4:30pm until dropped off the next morning every day. He is actually hoping he can have another long lie.
Of course he might not be so tired if he didn't spend hours on xbox live at night.
I will always do everything I can for dd. however, I didn't realise I was now his parent too.
I am totally fed up and there is no-one really in rl I can moan to. Sorry and thanks for getting to the end of this.

[TeaDr1nker]

Gosh, didn't want to cut and run. Sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate at the moment.

Others here will have better advice than me.

But on the subject of sleep, could u see a sleep consultant and get a plan together to get DD to sleep through?

[ledkr]

How old is he 17?
Leave the bastard and find yourself a real man

[Dramajustfollowsme]

That's the thing, he was more mature when he was 17. We have been together nearly 20 years and it is just in the last 6 months he has been like this. Since his promotion. It's like he now thinks he is too important. I always just cope with every shitty thing life throws at me. I'm fed up doing that now and want him to hold the fort occasionally. Thank god for dd and her cuddles.

[OpheliaPayneAgain]

Is he coping with the promotion? Is the pressure too much?Has he bitten off more than he can realistically chew and he's having to put these hours in?

I'm so sorry for your loss last year, dealing with a double grief and now your grandfather. It is difficult keeping all the balls in the air at once and you should really take some time out - your tiredness/not feeling well is your body telling you it's had enough for the moment. Is there any opportunity for a short break away?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Did you actually ask for help? Tell him to help? Point him towards various appliances and say 'haul your ass'? Or did you sit meekly by waiting for him to offer his services?....... Your post makes it sound like the latter.

[AThingInYourLife]

"I tried to speak to him but he says there isn't a problem. End of conversation."

Start a new conversation where you explain to him that there is a fucking problem, that the problem is that he is a lazy twat, and that it is either dealt with or he can fuck off elsewhere to live like a teenager.

[bigbuttons]

Tell him you won't be his parent.
Tell there is a problem and tell him what it is. If he won't listen then email him.
Stop washing his plates, stop cooking for him, stop doing his washing

[drcrab]

Sympathies. My dd has just started sleeping through at 25 months. Her older brother was slightly better at 23 months!

Re the husband I would stop doing his stuff. So cook for you and dd (she gets in at 4.30, cook some fish fingers and chips, eat that too, get her to bath, sleep..) you wash your own clothes, feed yourself, shop your own groceries etc. he will get the point v quickly.

Or you give it another go but by speaking to him and telling him explicitly that you need these things doing around the house. And draw up a rota.