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ex in a strop. Says he can legally move back in. Is this true?

(15 Posts)
Promethea Sat 10-Nov-12 21:26:38

There's more than that, obviously.. I hope this isn't too long!

Back story.. split up a year ago, 2 DDs (6 and 2). Joint ownership of the house.
He continued paying (voluntarily) half the mortgage, plus maintenance for the kids. This pretty much covered the whole of the mortgage. I'm paying council tax, bills etc. I am aware this is a good deal.. he is in debt, with creditors chasing him.
We decided quite recently to get the house on the market asap.

He has kids once or twice a week, and drops in after work when he can, it's all been on an ad hoc basis, and fairly amicable (ups and downs, obviously). I've been quite proud of how we've handled the whole thing, actually.

He has been seeing someone else on and off for quite a while, I recently started a new relationship, it's been about 3 months now. I have known this man for going on 20 years though, he's not new new...
So, everything was hunky-dory until new bloke comes to visit (long distance relationship), and ex finds that he can't just drop in as and when. I have never ever stopped him seeing the children, I offered to bring them up to his, or for him to come round as usual and for BF to make himself scarce.
This was a month ago. This evening I told ex that BF would be here on monday and tuesday. He has gone mental. Shouted in front of DD1. I refused to engage so we are in a text war at the moment.

He is tantrumming and name calling (i am a manipulative bitch, apparently, for not paying my way. Erm, I've been raising your children?) and now he has said (quote) 'I will exercise my right to be in my house when I please so I'll be there Monday and Tuesday to remove everything that I paid for out of my debts. Start looking for somewhere else to live. And I am legally allowed to inhabit the house'

He says that he doesn't have a problem with new bloke but 'just not under my roof'. Who's roof? I reckon he's having a delayed hissy fit about me finding someone new (it's been a year! jeez). Anyway, that's not the point.

Can he do this? Can he just march in and take what he wants, or move back in?

SO pissed off. aaarrghh. I thought we were doing so well, I'd tried so hard to keep communication channels open, and then he does this.(burning bridges along the way, he called my mum names as well). I KNOW he is massively stressed about money, work etc. But still.

Any advice would be more than welcome! I'll try to get back to this as soon as I can.

Walkacrossthesand Sat 10-Nov-12 21:40:09

Sounds like the arrangement wasn't as sustainable as you thought - he viewed you as well as the DCs as somehow 'his', and now there's a rival on the scene he's snorting & pawing the ground. Next, he'll start kicking off about maintenance I expect.Time to get this 'amicable' arrangement on a legal footing I would say - I suspect that without it, he is legally entitled to have the use of the house.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 10-Nov-12 21:50:56

Solicitor. Wanting to be chummy about a divorce is all well and good but you can't afford to leave serious stuff like property and money to the goodwill of an ex. hmm Exes are not friends... that's why they're exes. Yes, if he joint owns the house, he could technically move back in. Get things properly formalised legally a.s.a.p., including access arrangements, & make sure you're not swindled.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 10-Nov-12 21:52:12

BTW.... no more text wars. All you need respond is 'talk to my solicitor'.

Kewcumber Sat 10-Nov-12 21:52:50

Solicitor asap.

Though I seem to recall if a joint owner moves out then they are no longer resident and not entitled to move back in on a whim. Mind you he could easily stop paying you any money...

AbigailAdams Sat 10-Nov-12 21:53:27

Disengage. You aren't really disengaging at the moment because you are having a text war.

I don't know anything about the legal aspect though. I suspect he may be correct. Get thee to a solicitor ASAP.

foolonthehill Sat 10-Nov-12 21:53:45

SOLICITOR, a good one, ASAP. And yes, he has as much right to be in the house as you and the DC. sad

foolonthehill Sat 10-Nov-12 21:55:22

though he can't just move straight back in...I think that the fact he has been elsewhere means he has to jump through some legal hoops as he is an owner but not an habitual resident.

AbigailAdams Sat 10-Nov-12 21:57:44

Post in Legal Matters as I am sure someone there would know the answer. Although that of course doesn't stop him trying to do something illegal.

snoopdogg Sat 10-Nov-12 22:04:48

'lose' you keys, change the locks, get legal advice re an occupation order for you and the kids excluding him from the property.

He is bullying you.

Promethea Sat 10-Nov-12 22:06:42

Thanks for reply - yes I agree, he's gone completely territorial. I've been naive to think that he has moved on, he obviously hasn't.

It seems he still thinks he lives here and he is doing me a massive favour by letting me live in his house, and is (understandably, I think, to a certain extent) extremely bitter about the whole thing. He is massively resentful towards me for relying on him financially when we were together, even when the girls were tiny. I've always worked part-time, freelance, but my earnings 'don't count because you're not paying the mortgage' aarghghhghg.

Sorry, ranting. This is bringing up loads of shit that I thought I'd left behind.
Will start the process to get the house on the market on Monday morning, It's a state and needs loads of work doing on it but I don't care, we need to be financially separate....

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 10-Nov-12 22:09:22

And the solicitor?... the divorce?.... the formal legal stuff? If he's got debts, you've got to get that fixed up now or you could find you end up with zip.

Promethea Sat 10-Nov-12 22:11:22

Cross posting, sorry.

Yes. Solicitor. I will do that Monday morning as well. And repeat "exes are not friends, that is why they are exes" to myself over and over again.

Naive fool that I am.

Thanks everyone.

Promethea Sat 10-Nov-12 22:15:01

We're not married. All the debts are in his name but were accrued by him spending on the house etc (he didn't tell me about any of this at the time), so I feel I have some liability for them. We were just starting to negotiate how much of the debt should be paid out of the equity on the house.

cestlavielife Sun 11-Nov-12 00:25:10

The children need to be housed . As you not been married the focus is on where will the dc live and with who and you need to see if you can take over the mortgage or not. Or if house should be sold and equity divided but if dc live with you some could go towards housing dc, to go back t ex when youngest finishes education.

If you and dc move out where is ex suggesting you go ?

Having him still visit dc there needs to stop so clear boundaries.

Before you go to solicitor gather all papers documents about mortgage equity your salary and buying power for a house and his, your and his earning power to rent, where dc would live with who and when.

If you sold and shared equity where would it leave each party? Would each be able to buy and get mortgage? Is the idea for dc to live part of the time with him? Etc
You need to consider all scenarios you can claim maintenance off him for dc but not for you as not married.

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