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So you think your DH is odd? Mine thinks I bought him an oompaloompa...

(70 Posts)
lynniep Fri 09-Nov-12 15:29:22

I put this on my fb status the other day, because sometimes I just have to share this stuff. You couldnt make it up!

I bought a car seat for DS2 the other day, and it arrived in a massive box.

When DH got home from work, he started doing this gurning thing he does when something is on his mind. (he does that, or breathes really heavily - breathing heavily means I've upset him, gurning just means something is bothering him)
I asked him why he was pulling faces. No I'm not telling you cos it'll just confirm you think I'm wierd, he says. Yes probably, I say, but tell me anyway. I doubt I'll be surprised.

I was worrying that it has no air holes he said. Go on - I prompt.
And then it all comes out. The short version being that he thought I bought him a midget as a present. (I know thats not pc, but with DH being pc is the least of our problems)
His first instinct/thought was that
a) I bought him a midget to do the housework and
b) it wouldnt be able to breathe.

I said to him I think you just described an oopmaloompa to me. He thought about that. Yes, he said, I think thats what I thought it might be. Just not orange.

So go on, give me some odd partner behaviour. Not just annoying behaviour - but really bizarre things!

LittleBairn Fri 09-Nov-12 16:16:51

I would be seriously concerned my DH was loosing his grip on reality and insist he visit the GP if he seriously though that I would not only obtain a 'Dwarf' but have it delivered in a box with the intention of using it as a slave for domestic chores.

ilovetermtime Fri 09-Nov-12 16:21:01

That is so funny! Thank you for making me laugh out loud smile

scentednappyhag Fri 09-Nov-12 16:22:02

Um, his first thought when seeing a box is that it must contain a person with a disability to use for his convenience?
That really is very odd.
Can't compete I'm afraid!

SufferingLampreys Fri 09-Nov-12 16:24:10

Does he or has he ever taken large quantities if drugs?

FobblyWoof Fri 09-Nov-12 16:24:28

My best friend lives overseas at the moment. The other night we were messaging each other about all the things we're going to do when she's home for Christmas. We used to love shopping with each other and DP knows this so I told him our plans.

Me: when BF gets back we're going to go clothes shopping!
DP: why?
Me: why not? confused
DP: well, don't they sell them over there?
Me: yes...but sometimes it's nice to go clothes shopping with a friend
DP: clothes? Oh, I though you said cloves!

Now, I understand mishearing things but surely he would have put two and two together before then. Why the fuck would we go shopping for cloves??

NervousAt20 Fri 09-Nov-12 16:24:43

grin ha that's made my day abit brighter lol. I'm sure things are never boring in your house OP

Lonelynessie Fri 09-Nov-12 16:28:21

I have nothing to add but grin

Thanks for a good laugh op!

puds11 Fri 09-Nov-12 16:28:59

grin Fobbly thats hilarious.

My ExDP didn't believe me that butter came from cows hmm

SufferingLampreys Fri 09-Nov-12 16:33:13

Puds please don't tell me he was in a well paid job. It's just depressing

puds11 Fri 09-Nov-12 16:58:55

No he isn't, but he is a very intelligent man mostly.

Convict224 Fri 09-Nov-12 17:16:38

My ex husband had a big party to celebrate him getting a new glass eye. The party was raided by the police (neighbours, darn em, complained) The policeman just shook his head and said he'd never heard that one before.

He also trained the dog to bite anyone who said "onions". Not "give me your money" or "I want to have sex with your daughter". He got his kicks from asking people to list all the vegetables they could hoping to hit paydirt.

Doesn't beat vertically challenged airless domestic help.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Fri 09-Nov-12 17:50:38

My DH now has oompaloompa envy.

nightswimmer Fri 09-Nov-12 17:57:16

that is so funny lynniep I was laughing so much and read it out to my 14 yr old dd who thought so too. He sounds like he has an interesting mind !

nightswimmer Fri 09-Nov-12 17:58:28

I also loved that he was concerned about the air holes!

bunjies Fri 09-Nov-12 18:05:17

No can't compete but this thread is hilarious.

Fobbly - that is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I am snorting and the dcs think I am mad.

lynniep Fri 09-Nov-12 21:28:42

He's just had me cracking up again. Although I have had a bit of the old vino.
I'm having a 10- minute time out whilst he watches have I got news to you.

He was pointing out how well he'd cleaned the dining room table, and I pointed out he'd thrown away DS1s party invite for tomorrow and this continued as to how he must have thrown away various other stuff too (like the bolts for the bed we're selling etc etc - he is denying this - but he does normally throw away anything he doesnt recognise.

He said no I don't. I didn't throw away that ladies thing for your tummy.
What ladies thing for my tummy?
You know, the thing that goes jubblywubbly over your tummy to make it flat. (he is using hand actions here to jiggle his belly about)

I have absolutely no clue what you're on about
The black thing with the special hand grippy thing that you put on your wibbly bits
OK no I really have no clue. Where did you put it?
Somewhere discreet. I didn't think the boys should see it.
Wheres that?
Next to the puddings

<off I go to look for the mysterious jubbyly wubbly tummy flattener>
(back in the living room)

Are you talking about the drill base that I was charging?
No, its a ladies thing. For tummies.
No, its the drill. The base for the drill. I was charging it. When you asked me to put holes in the plant pot the other day I had to charge the drill remember?
Oh. Well it looks like a ladies thing

<just another bizarre converstation in the p household>

TakeMyEyesButNotTheGoat Fri 09-Nov-12 21:56:53

grin fucking hell that's cheered me up.

Thanks OP

carlywurly Fri 09-Nov-12 22:00:31

I'm thinking I'm more drunk than I thought confused

lynniep Fri 09-Nov-12 22:06:37

he is now snoring on sofa. I would quite like a magic wubbylytummyflattener now smile

Gentleness Sat 10-Nov-12 00:17:40

By the puddings. I love that.

piprabbit Sat 10-Nov-12 00:26:14

Do we have any TV exec MNers who could commission OP's DH for his very own programme?

I'd watch it grin

rumbelina Sat 10-Nov-12 00:36:43

What the...?

TramadolJacket Sat 10-Nov-12 00:38:17

Sorry, but confused

ripsishere Sat 10-Nov-12 00:38:30

Brilliant. Perhaps you could train your oompaloompa to charge the wubblytummyflattener.

MurderOfGoths Sat 10-Nov-12 00:39:40

Well.. that's different... grin

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