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Silly one but is there any point being a friend with an ex on Facebook?

(20 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Thu 08-Nov-12 20:35:35

Just broke up about two weeks ago. He hurt me . We are still friends on Facebook but ignoring each other politely. Part of me is angry so wants to defriend him but part of me still loves him so can't bear to do that. I don't want to talk to him at the moment as I am too hurt but we said we would be 'friends' as we did get on well when together. Sad I know.

Nigglenaggle Thu 08-Nov-12 21:35:52

I think its normal not sad. I have recently considered whether to befriend my ex on facebook. The break up wasnt awful and Im curious to see what he's up to but part of me thinks he will just annoy me!!! Really Im more interested in his housemates from the time we were going out who I lost touch with after we split up. I think keep him hovering for a while but if you feel ready to let go then dont feel petty or bad about defriending him - I defriend anyone who is no longer a part of my life, its just a normal part of moving on. Give yourself some time (and some ice cream smile)

Nigglenaggle Thu 08-Nov-12 21:37:11

Hmm Ive read that again and want to add I didnt mean to trivialise your pain. I feel for you. But one day you will feel better than this and when you have your perfect man you will wonder what you ever saw in him.

BooyhooRemembering Thu 08-Nov-12 21:41:34

i was friends on FB with my ex for a while but he crossed a massive line and broke my trust so i defriended him and blocked him from messaging me. TBH i enjoy fb more now as i'm not reading his relationship updates and seeing that he's bought this new car and been to this hotel for the weekend whilst he's shortchanging me on the maintenance. and he was a jealous git so would ring me if i had posted anything that indicated i had been out for a night. far better for me to cut teh connection.

maristella Thu 08-Nov-12 21:45:18

I'm not friends with DS' father, because I despise him.

I do have a few exes on my friends list, simply because we are still friends. No animosity, genuinely friendly etc

skyebluesapphire Fri 09-Nov-12 00:07:33

I'm not friends with STBXH as I despise him.

I don't want to see what he is up to or for him to know what I'm up to.

Inadeeptrance Fri 09-Nov-12 00:38:44

Nope, all blocked, though I've been out with some right wankers..

itsallinmyhead Fri 09-Nov-12 00:57:56

I don't think there's anything wrong in befriending an ex on FB after you've spent some time healing and getting over the hurt.

I'm friends with a couple of my exes but initially, defriended to save myself from 1. Stalking their every move and 2. To allow for enough time to pass so that we are actually friends now and neither has a hidden agenda (like trying to win the other back).

That's obviously my opinion but one I feel strongly about.

TodaysAGoodDay Fri 09-Nov-12 01:31:27

Bare in mind that once you unfriend him, he will probably never 'friend' you again. Hang onto it if you need to, and until you are ready to let go.

inapineappleunderthesea Fri 09-Nov-12 01:50:06

I'm friends with a couple of my exs on FB & we're still good friends,I'm not interested in them at all,I just wanted to stay in touch with them as they live in different parts of the country & they have new partners for which I'm very happy for them,just because we are not together anymore doesn't mean we should lose the friendship side of things,they are really great friends & I wouldn't want to lose that smile

Spartak Fri 09-Nov-12 02:10:36

I was friends with my most recent ex on fb because we said we'd stay friends etc. In reality I drove myself nuts checking his profile looking for signs of my replacement.

Then I met someone else who is amazing. And I realised that I didn't have any desire to see what he was up to anymore, or be his friend on fb or anywhere else, so I quietly deleted him.

One day you will probably realise that you're not bothered anymore either. Keep him there in the meantime if you need to though, until you are ready to let him go.

Thumbwitch Fri 09-Nov-12 02:16:36

I am FB friends with one long-distant ex, with whom I was friends before we got together and stayed friends with after we split up (long before FB was invented!). I wouldn't bother with any of the others though.

inapineappleunderthesea Fri 09-Nov-12 02:21:02

The thing is,there are those whose friendship is important & those who we just have to let go!

superstarheartbreaker Fri 09-Nov-12 05:03:54

I think the hardest thing is we got on so well...until he broke it off and then he really hurt me . He told me that I like him more than he liked me, he never said he loved me and we didn't 'know' each other. All very hurtful from someone who said he was crazy about me. Even if true it's not the kind of thing to say to the already broken hearted. So I am angry and want to defriend but I still love him so not ready yet. Plus he owes me £50. I have asked for money back but no reply. If I keep communication open for a bit I might stand more chance of getting money back.

OhEmGee25 Fri 09-Nov-12 05:47:19

I blocked my dd's dad over two years ago along with all his friends and family. Harsh maybe but he really hurt me and they all knew but didn't tell me. We communicate over one text a week to see if he's "free" on Sunday to have dd.

Spartak Fri 09-Nov-12 17:05:42

OP - is it really worth putting yourself through a load of stress for the sake of £50? It's not a life changing amount of money. Be honest with yourself and if you are secretly hoping he will meet you to hand over the cash then realise that you are the love of his life - its not going to happen. He knows where you are if he wants to give you the money back.

He may well just end up deleting you if you keep communcation open, or in his eyes become a pest. Maybe think about seizing the control back and deleting him. Because however much you love him, he doesn't love you.

shockers Fri 09-Nov-12 17:30:28

I'd defriend him,otherwise you will find yourself checking his page to see what he's up to and it will drive you mad.

If he really wants to see you, he'll use the £50 as an excuse to get in touch.

If not, I'd cut your losses and move on.

But of course, that is very easy for me to say. I'm just glad fb wasn't around when I split with some of my boyfriends when I was younger!

superstarheartbreaker Fri 09-Nov-12 19:53:17

'Because however much you love him he dosn't love you.' a fine example of mn tact straight talking.

I know that but I don't really want it rubbed in my face. I am not bothered about the cash. He can keep it. I think it's about letting go and actually I havn't checked his profile at all. I'm not that masochistic!

WineGoggles Sat 10-Nov-12 13:48:05

I don't think there's anything wrong in befriending an ex on FB after you've spent some time healing and getting over the hurt.
Totally agree with this. Seeing the statuses of a man who's just hurt you will keep the wound open IMO. Best block him now so you're not constantly reminded of him.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sat 10-Nov-12 13:55:22

Yeah, I'd defriended him. For your own peace of mind.

What do you think your friendship with him will be like??

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