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At what point would you give up on a friendship?

(14 Posts)
Illustrated Thu 08-Nov-12 14:32:17

I'm interested to know if I am being a big push over and when you lot would have given up in the same situation.

If you had tried to arrange to meet up with a friend every week unsuccessfully for 3 months would you stop trying? Excuses have been feeling sick, too much work or other plans suddenly.

I sort of stopped trying to arrange anything weeks ago but they insist its going to happen. I'm not a needy person and am quite happy to not see people for a while (haven't seen this person for about 5 months) I just don't like making plans that never come about. DP thinks I should have given up ages ago.

She was supposed to come over for coffee today but cancelled last minute saying she had too much work to do. Although it seems shes just been on facebook all day uploading pictures of herself and youtube videos. To be frank, it feels like someones taken a gigantic piss on my cornflakes every week.

Lucky I didn't bake a cake..

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 08-Nov-12 14:34:16

Definitely give up on this 'friend'.... she's 'washing her hair' basically. Too cowardly to say she doesn't want to be friends any more so keeps bailing on you instead. FB figures. Very grown up... hmm

pictish Thu 08-Nov-12 14:34:42

Right about now tbh.You've made nice and put in the effort so let her stir herself and come to you next time. If she doesn't, then there's your answer.

Turniphead1 Thu 08-Nov-12 14:35:32

Give up - without a doubt.

Illustrated Thu 08-Nov-12 14:38:46

Argh..and she wasn't even the worst of the lot..

I need some new friends.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 08-Nov-12 14:40:05

Lots of nice people on here. Some of them even exist in real life smile

EdithWeston Thu 08-Nov-12 14:48:12

Give up. There's some underlying reason why she either doesn't want to see you, or has a guilty secret and is avoiding you (hope it's not the latter).

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Thu 08-Nov-12 19:43:26

If it really has been every week for 3 months, that's 12 weeks???!!!!
I would go as far as to say you are a saint - and much too nice for her.
You do need some new friends - get cracking and find some ones worth having.

ioness Thu 08-Nov-12 21:03:27

Yes I'd give up on this one. I've had a couple of friends like this over the years - now both ex friends. It took me months to work it out though.

comethasmybrokentelly Thu 08-Nov-12 21:08:08

Hang on, if she is feeling sick and has too much work .....surely these are reasons for you, as a friend to feel a degree of concern for her, and not to dump her?

TwoJackRussellsandababy Thu 08-Nov-12 21:20:32

Rude rude rude, time to call time on this.

comet I think she's been making too many excuses for this one to be legitimate this time?

MyFartsSmellofDeath Thu 08-Nov-12 21:50:29

I could have written this a few weeks ago... now when she says oh ill call over on such a day i just smile and say ok knowing it wont happen. she would make time if she was a proper friend... half an hour is all it takes to just say hi tea sorry im so busy ill make more time soon but im still being a proper friend for popping in.
i have another friend that is ALWAYS busy...2 kids uni work but she still manages some time at least every 2 weeks.

VoiceofUnreason Fri 09-Nov-12 08:34:39

While there is always the cliche about true friendship being when you can not see your friend for a year and it picks up exactly where it left out, friendship is like a plant. If you want it to thrive, you have to water it at least occasionally.

I have a friend who works a high powered job that takes her around the UK and all over Europe, occasionally America, and is lucky to spend one day or night per week (Mon-Fri) at home. Her weekends she spends with her parents and/or boyfriend (long distance relationship). Yet 2 weeks never goes by without a couple of emails or texts between us. Never a month goes by without our meeting up for coffee or a meal. I tend to let her set the date because of her job.

NeedlesCuties Fri 09-Nov-12 08:42:47

I feel a bit like this. I got pregnant at the end of 2011, had a terrible pregnancy (hyperemesis, SPD, Group B Strep all while looking after a toddler). Some friends really rallied round - some gave practical support while emailed/texted lots.

I have a friend who I cared about a lot who barely contacted me at all during the pregnancy, but when she did she always said we'd meet up soon. Now my DC is almost 3 months old and she's still saying, "oh yes, I'll come up soon to see you". hmm

I want to just let it fade away, but still want to hold onto hope that we are still friends. It bugs me lots as she has friends who live about one mile from me.


OP, I agree: new RL friends would be good!

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