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Hello again, Orm's update (for anyone who is interested)

(50 Posts)
Ormiriathomimus Thu 08-Nov-12 14:09:41

Since so many of you expended so much time and care on me earlier this summer.

We're still together. We passed our 20th anniversary together a few weeks back. No big party. We exchanged gifts but it was low-key. It meant more in an odd way because our marriage has been so badly shaken and we aren't taking anything for granted anymore. I am not wearing a wedding ring - it's only a symbol but it meant a lot to me. dH knows I will only wear it again when he has completely got over her and there are only 2 people in the relationship. dH is being loving and caring again, in a calmer and sustainable way, not the passionate panic of the first few weeks. It begins to feel right between us - being with him was like coming home, had forgotten what that felt like for a few years. I am remembering again and I like it. However there are no guarantees. We are taking it a day at a time.

OW is out of the picture. Still working at the same place but they have no need for regular contact. She tried to get things going again with dH a month or so ago but nothing doing. Rumours reach us that she has left her H. Hope so. He was a shit! But she is an utter irelevance to us now.

I have been seeing a counsellor. When I first went to see her I was a sobbing, wet-rag of a human being. Obsessed with the affair and desperate not to lose dH, no matter what. I left her last session, upright and confident, strong in the knowledge that I can deal with whatever happens, even losing dH if that is what happens. I wish I had been like this when I first found out but can't be helped now. If dH gives me that new wedding ring I am not totally sure I'll wear it. What I wanted 4 months ago isn't what I want now. Doors are open, and I feel as if I have options.

Thanks for all your help xx

IamtheZombie Thu 08-Nov-12 14:16:48

Thanks for the update, Orm. Stay strong and may life bring you the peace and happiness you deserve.

lemonmuffin Thu 08-Nov-12 14:18:29

What a lovely, positive update.

Glad to hear you're feeling so much better.

fluffyanimal Thu 08-Nov-12 14:18:53

smile thanks

MrsCampbellBlack Thu 08-Nov-12 14:20:04

Oh I'm so glad - I've often wondered how you were getting on.

Allalonenow Thu 08-Nov-12 14:26:04

I hope so much that things continue to work out for you Orm, and that you have a happy and contented life together.
Best wishes thanks

Anniegetyourgun Thu 08-Nov-12 14:37:37

Lovely to hear from you, Orm, and glad things are looking hopeful. You are overdue a bit of peaceful contentment.

AThingInYourLife Thu 08-Nov-12 14:46:43

So glad to hear you doing so well, you deserve it smile

"dH knows I will only wear it again when he has completely got over her and there are only 2 people in the relationship."

He's still not over her?! confused

Ormiriathomimus Thu 08-Nov-12 14:52:22

Don't know. Don't care any more. He's with me and he's treating me with a great deal of love and tenderness. He's connected with the children again. Things are good. But when we had a long talk about her a few weeks ago he tells me he still worries about her and cares about her like a good friend but what he feels for her doesn't come near what he feels for me. That'll do for now.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo Thu 08-Nov-12 14:54:12

Glad to hear it Orm. Good for you! I dont think I posted on your threads, but did read some, felt I had no word of wisdom.

Looksgoodingravy Thu 08-Nov-12 14:59:40

So good to read that you're in a positive place Orm, good for you!

I'm six months down the line and I'm feeling so much stronger too, still with dp.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

ike1 Thu 08-Nov-12 15:01:10

Hope it works out. Unfortunately in my case my ex H went to counselling for a year and we worked through the initial affair only for him to cheat again 5 years later and for me to really know nothing about the subsequent affair for 4 year duration such was my conviction that he had 'worked through' it, your H sounded so much like him kind, gentle etc. My advice? Keep hold of feeling that you can do ithout him!

shinyblackgrape Thu 08-Nov-12 15:02:39

Really good to hear this. I didn't post on your previous threads as I had nothing of value to add to the brilliant advice. However, I have thought of yiu and wondered how you were doing.

ike1 Thu 08-Nov-12 15:03:06

...that should read do without him. Unfortunately I am now of a mind that for the majority of cheats if they do it once they are likely to continue...

Ormiriathomimus Thu 08-Nov-12 15:06:34

Sorry to hear that ike sad

Ormiriathomimus Thu 08-Nov-12 15:06:56

Thankyou everyone!

Ormiriathomimus Thu 08-Nov-12 15:07:21

Hi Gravy! Nice to see you again.

HullyChristmasgully Thu 08-Nov-12 15:08:35

Go Orm!

DameEnidsOrange Thu 08-Nov-12 15:08:48

Orm you sound really strong, thank you for coming on to update us. Good luck smile

ike1 Thu 08-Nov-12 15:09:34

Yeah sorry to seem to throw cold water its just that he really never seemed the 'type' either and I now realise that while we both put alot of work in really once he had realised he could cheat it was just a matter of time....and the was a 17yr marriage.

Welovecouscous Thu 08-Nov-12 15:13:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Looksgoodingravy Thu 08-Nov-12 19:41:03

Ike sad sorry this has happened again to you, you can't say that you haven't tried though, pity your ex h hasn't tried too, bloody shit!

I feel I am a much stronger person for going through this trauma. If dp were to do this again there would be no coming back from it, it would mean the end. He is only still here now due to lots of hard work and patience, god forbid he head off down the cheating route again!

Oblomov Thu 08-Nov-12 19:58:25

Very pleased to read this Orm. Have been wondering how you were doing.

ike1 Thu 08-Nov-12 21:57:56

I feel bad about the pity party. Actually ladies I am ok considering and yes it was traumatic but bloody hell you will cope if you choose to go it alone and please dont take any shit if it happens again! All my love and best wishes though.

BellaVita Thu 08-Nov-12 22:02:57

thanks for you Orm. Great news!

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