Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH just called me a... AIBU?

(108 Posts)
wotsDHdoing Wed 07-Nov-12 21:53:06

So just now we were having, ahem, SEX, and he said something, something, something "... you fat bitch...",

i said "dont call me that", got off him and went upstairs, locked myself in the bathroom and cried my heart out.
he called up "sorry, i didn't mean it"
but the damage had been done, i felt shit, like a fat bitch basically, not sexy, not loved, not even very liked...

I lost allot of weight, 2stone, earlier this year but have put on half a stone again recently and i can tell he is disappointed in me for putting it back on.

so have i over reacted?

he then got dressed and has driven off without even seeing if im ok...

by the way we haven't done-the-deed for two months(!) because of one thing and another, kids, sickness, exhaustion, guests staying etc
and it felt like we were really close tonight and i wanted to.... and now i just feel really hurt and angry and unloved.

also he was quite forceful and not very considerate as to my pleasure, which is a reoccurring theme in our sex life.

just not sure if i'm over reacting and either way, where do i go from here.

thanks for any thoughts smile

pictish Wed 07-Nov-12 21:54:23

Your husband called you a fat bitch during sex??!!
Have I got that right?

AnyFucker Wed 07-Nov-12 21:55:15

I think there are several things you need to react more about, not less

HecatePropylaea Wed 07-Nov-12 21:56:18

I agree with AF. More reacting is indeed required from you.

NomNomingiaDePlum Wed 07-Nov-12 21:56:25

he sounds really lovely. no, really.

(tosser, i mean).

winnybella Wed 07-Nov-12 21:57:27

What AF said. And you shouldn't even feel like you need to ask. YANBU.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Wed 07-Nov-12 21:57:33


He doesn't sound like a very nice bloke tbh.

Where do you go from here? Well, I suppose it depends what he's normally like and if you want to try to build a good relationship with him or tell him to go to the far side of fuck... from the little you have said, the far side of fuck sounds best to me.

pictish Wed 07-Nov-12 21:58:10

On what planet are you supposed to be au fait with being called names during forceful sex, within a supposedly loving and respectful relationship?

OP - this is dreadful!

mutny Wed 07-Nov-12 21:58:38

What the fuck?

What a bastard. You are totally reasonable, in fact there should have been more of a reaction from you.

This can not be the first time he has made you feel shit about yourself.

Complete bastard.

ThereGoesTheYear Wed 07-Nov-12 21:58:49

You're not overreacting. Nothing he has done tonight sounds in the least bit kind or reasonable; not the vile name-calling, not the forceful selfish sex, not the driving off leaving you in tears after his behaviour.

I am so angry for you. What a mean person your 'D'H is.

Chubfuddler Wed 07-Nov-12 21:59:22

No you have not in any way over reacted.

What an utter cunt he is.

TomsBentPinky Wed 07-Nov-12 21:59:50



You poor thing sad

mmmnoodlesoup Wed 07-Nov-12 22:00:56


He called you a fat bitch during 'love making'

He then drove off and left you crying.

He is a selfish cock in bed.


PelvicFloorClenchReminder Wed 07-Nov-12 22:01:27

What an absolutely vile way for him to treat you. Hope you're okay, OP

Robomummy Wed 07-Nov-12 22:01:54

Yanbu, not at all. That is a foul thing to say , what an arse. Does he talk to you like that at other times?

mutny Wed 07-Nov-12 22:02:20

He is a cock usually isn't he?

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 07-Nov-12 22:03:17

So you were clearly upset, in the bathroom crying your eyes out, and he just drove off?

Anything to avoid facing the consequences of his own actions.

Oh, and calling you a fat bitch at any time is a definite deal breaker.

GockandJuice Wed 07-Nov-12 22:05:31

That's awful! Has he even text you or ANYTHING?!

doctordwt Wed 07-Nov-12 22:13:18

What a horrible fucking man!!!

LastMangoInParis Wed 07-Nov-12 22:15:30

'Over reacting'? NO, no and no again. Not over reacting at all.
And nor should you even be thinking about whether what he said has anything to do with your weight. No way should he have said that, he has no excuse for having said it, no way was it acceptable, it was just horrible.
Doesn't sound like it was uncharacteristic, either. If you're even thinking that you might have been over reacting then it sounds as if you put up with a lot of bullying already and are questioning yourself rather than seeing it for what it is.

wotsDHdoing Wed 07-Nov-12 22:16:50

Thanks for your thoughts. Im just a bit shocked really. He had been very sweet and loving. Then became more forceful and just wanted to get down to it.
he is selfish in many ways,, entitled as some of you may say. Think he think i owe him or something sad
what do i say when he comes back?
He is bound to say im over reacting. He was only joking etc.
The thing ois he knows how sensitive i am about my weigh and body after 3 kids and old scars etc... Why would he say that if he didnt think it?

mutny Wed 07-Nov-12 22:18:57

Don't listen to him.

What is he like usually?

He said it because he knows you are sensitive. Its emotional abuse.

HullyChristmasgully Wed 07-Nov-12 22:21:17

Is he still alive?

Why is that?

HotDAMNlifeisgood Wed 07-Nov-12 22:21:55

He is bound to say im over reacting. He was only joking etc.

That is because he is a dick.

The thing ois he knows how sensitive i am about my weigh and body after 3 kids and old scars etc... Why would he say that if he didnt think it?


what do i say when he comes back?

What do you want to say? How did his words make you feel? How did it make you feel when you were crying and he just fucking drove off?
Say that.
He is unlikely to understand or empathize with you, but at least you will have expressed yourself.

LastMangoInParis Wed 07-Nov-12 22:22:22

what do i say when he comes back?

As much or as little or whatever the fuck you want to - since he's clearly made the decision that in your relationship nothing will be censored, however vile and insulting it is.
So say nothing at all if you decide that you can't stand the sight/sound/smell of him. And if you want to tell him how obnoxious/inadequate/unattractive/unpreposessing he is, well why not? If he doesn't like like it, well... he's over reacting, isn't he?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: