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Feeling Wobbly tonight,have been really strong so far.

(10 Posts)
angelpinkcar Wed 07-Nov-12 21:37:37

Hi everyone, have recently split up with H and have started to make roads into moving on, moving house, moving locations, changing the Dc's school and going back to work. Its proving to be a slow process as there is so much to sort out and it seems so very daunting. Fell asleep with DS this evening putting him to bed as so shattered from trying to sort everything out and just felt so lost and lonely this evening. Went onto the lone parents thread and that made me feel worse like there is no hope. Does it get better, feel so in limbo at the moment, need some good advice please.

Lonecatwithkitten Wed 07-Nov-12 21:39:48

There is hope I promise. 4 months on I have sorted out the mortgage etc. contact has settled. Got DD to a counsellor and we are both much happier.

angelpinkcar Wed 07-Nov-12 21:42:33

Thsnk you lonecatwithkitten, I have been so good sorting all sorts out but it just hit me this evening at night it usually does with lots of doubts creeping in, have I done the right thing, am I going to cope, how am I going to cope paying for everything the list goes on

Lueji Wed 07-Nov-12 21:43:49

It does get better yes.

You seem to have two of the major sources of stress going on: divorce and moving home.
So take it easy.
Give yourself some me time.
Make a list of things to do and start crossing items. It will make you feel better as you see the list shrinking.
Organise the list by priorities and break down major tasks into smaller ones.

And it will get better once you settle and you have your own life.
It will be hard, but at some point you'll probably feel relieved.
Even possibly find someone else.

angelpinkcar Wed 07-Nov-12 21:49:11

Thank you Lueji,
I know, I have started to do that and being organised but it just hit me tonight probably because I am tired, I have been looking after the DC's on my own for a while now as H always worked shifts now he works iand refused to change his hours and now works away so was only coming back at the weekends. Life was quite hellish when he did return so feel better in that respect

Lueji Wed 07-Nov-12 22:07:40

Remember you will cope because you have to and for your children.

You are their mum and you'll do everything you can to make Thame happy and safe.

Hugs smile

angelpinkcar Fri 09-Nov-12 21:06:50

Thanks lueji, I will remember that. Saw H this evening and he started going on about that he had no home was sleeping on peoples floors feeling all sorry for himself which isn't true, he has somewhere to stay, he is taking no responsibility for why we have split up at all and asked me if we were getting back together, hello has he been listening to anything I have been saying???

skyebluesapphire Fri 09-Nov-12 23:54:47

My divorce will be through any day now after he left at Easter.

It does get easier as each step is sorted out.

daffydowndilly Sat 10-Nov-12 08:53:04

I found that dealing with the practical things and children were relatively easy compared to the emotional side of dealing with x. It is so hard to completely detach from them, particularly when they are coming out with rubbish like you are mentioning, and not taking responsibility for themselves.

You have done fantastically well. It will get easier, you are emotionally tired and need to look after yourself. Do you have people you can talk to? (family, friends, therapist). Are you taking time off without the children, even if it is one evening off a month (if you have grandparents nearby sleepovers are brilliant). My mistake has been trying to be a martyr and not asking for help, but had my first night out yesterday in months and it felt so good.

I've been separated for 8 months, moved area, moved schools and now many of the practical things have been done, it is time to remember to look after myself and start building new dreams and friends. It definitely goes up and down (often linked with whatever rubbish x manages to send my way, like ignoring divorce papers), but it is so much easier than dealing with a bad relationship. I am beginning to feel energy and happiness again. So it definitely does get better. And the best advice I was given, don't drink coffee... mostly as I was downing gallons of the stuff and it was sapping my energy.

angelpinkcar Sun 11-Nov-12 20:40:19

hi skyebluesapphire and daffydowndilly, thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I went to see a house at the weekend to rent in an area where I used to live. I felt quite excited at first a little bit disappointed after I had a good think and very daunting at the price, lack of bedroom space comparing it to my home I have now and where I live. I then spoke to H to check when he was dropping DS round where he started being funny about keeping him another night etc, I then saw red and demanded he bring him home and started to feel is this it is it now starting the anomisity, where it had been amicable when he thought he was giving me space for the last 5 weeks and thought I had got over my tizz and would take him back. I feel happy in the fact that I don't miss having him around and don't miss him as a person. I do struggle sometimes sorting everything out everyday and do not know how I will cope when I go back to work and have to pay all the bills on my wage. I feel really positive at times when something I am doing gets sorted then doubt starts to creep in. I do drink too much coffee, never thought it would be sapping my energy.

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