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If you contacted the OW...

(20 Posts)
rainynovembernight Wed 07-Nov-12 20:06:08

Did it help at all? Did you get a reply and did it give you what you were hoping to get it out of it? What if X and OW are going to be together? Is it a good idea to meet them or talk to OW? Can it do any good at all?

OpheliaPayneAgain Wed 07-Nov-12 20:08:01

Woman scorned etc etc, why would anyone demean themselves by meeting someone they have been passed over for?

WarmFuzzyFun Wed 07-Nov-12 20:08:21

You're a newspaper/magazine researcher right?

rainynovembernight Wed 07-Nov-12 20:12:31

WarmFuzzyFun Sadly, no. I am not and this is not hypothetical research.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Nov-12 20:18:55

Don't give the OW the satisfaction of thinking she's important enough, OP. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Rouen Wed 07-Nov-12 20:49:42

Don't do it. She won't be worth it.

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 07-Nov-12 20:49:44


She will have her own agenda.

She should not be the main focus - it is the H who is the one who broke his vows, lied, cheated and made the choice to check out of the marriage.

mameulah Wed 07-Nov-12 20:51:02

I agree with ImperialBlether, ignore, ignore, ignore. She has had enough of your time. You know everything you need to know.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight Wed 07-Nov-12 21:32:14

From someone who spoke to a few (yes, a FEW) of the OW .. and had them all acting and speaking like they were some sort of victim in the situation, or actively trying their best to wind me up, don't bother. Yes i found out extra things i didn't know already, painful things, don't do that to yourself..


itsallinmyhead Wed 07-Nov-12 22:13:34

My exp left without mentioning he was leaving (yeah, really, it must have slipped his mind).

Anyway, while I was dazed & confused my sister was having none of it & donned the deer stalker.

She found out he was parked in my 'friends' drive...mystery solved.

I contacted her via email & told her what I, thought of them & she responded saying she wasn't sleeping with my 'man' & to keep her out of our domestics.

There was nothing else I wanted to say, I, knew what was happening even if she refused to confess.

I've still to hear that he's leaving! Bloody glad he hasn't been home for about 3 years though...he'd be cramping my lovely life grin

itsallinmyhead Wed 07-Nov-12 22:15:36 point is, what is to be gained?

Ignore...find your happy new life.

mutny Wed 07-Nov-12 22:16:58

Why would you want to?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Wed 07-Nov-12 22:21:34

Don't do it. Whatever you think you might get out of it, you wont and it will leave you feeling more humiliated and shit about it all. Been there, done that, wished I hadn't. If I can't be an example, let me be a warning! <zsa zsa gabor I think originally, me now!)

Mutny - you want to, because you mistakenly feel you might get the truth about 'stuff'.

Anifrangapani Wed 07-Nov-12 22:22:45

It is so much more satisfying to keep schtum - I still manage a sneery look of disdain when I see her,several years later. It gives me great pleasure to know it makes her squirm.

HoolioHallio Wed 07-Nov-12 22:24:22

I emailed her a copy of the divorce petition, which included details of his domestic abuse. I neither expected or wanted a reply.
When his mask slips and the inevitable happens, I know that I did my best to warn her.

kige Wed 07-Nov-12 22:30:10

Assuming that the ow knows the man is married, there is no point in talking to her. Her actions - shagging a married man - show that she has no idea if right and wrong. Ask her a question and she will probably lie to you. So don't contact ow.

Fourbytwo Wed 07-Nov-12 22:44:39

I contacted the ow twice on facebook. The first time was when I found out about her. I told her I knew what had happened, I was devastated, she was not to contact my husband and that I now had to decide whether to stay and keep my family together or kick him out and go it as a single parent! I was 38wks pregnant with dc4 at the time.
Ow didn't reply. She did message dh to say how awful she felt and couldn't sleep. He showed me.
7 months later I sent her a message to let her know how much I hated, loathed and despised her and that I hope in the future that when she thinks she has it all - a dh, dc and a beautiful home that someone fucks her husband and her world explodes and then she will know what she did to me.
Now while this is probably not the coolest thing I have ever done, I really felt like a huge weight of anger and rage just evaporated out of me.
I had prepared myself for a nasty reply from her but I heard nothing. She just blocked me on Facebook.
I now feel like I have dealt with her and she is nothing to me now.
Dh and I are still together and we will make it. He knows I contacted her as I told him.

SpookTheCat Sun 11-Nov-12 11:49:00

I did several years ago, DH had an EA and without going into detail she wouldn't let it go and was still contacting Dh even though he'd told her to stop.
She told him a load of bullshit about me and continued to play the victim.

I tried to ignore her but the shit carried on. The only way for me to draw a line under it was to get the whole the out in the open and basically tell her to fuck off Dh wasn't interested.

It worked, she never contacted either of us again!

If she'd stopped contact when originally asked i wouldn't have felt the need to confront her, I was trying to move on but she wouldn't let me. DH was truly sorry.
Her life went tits up afterwards, ours continued to go from strength to strength!

hurricanewyn Sun 11-Nov-12 11:55:42

I don't have experience personally, but I was there for the fall out when my mum contacted my dad's ow.

It was horrific - she was very brazen & when asked why she had done it, the ow started to get graphic about their sex life.

I know my mum involved me too much in her seperation (I know no one on here would share these details with their 9 yo) but she really was humiliated by it.

AutumnMadness Sun 11-Nov-12 12:08:54

I had a strong temptation to contact the OW when my XH announced that he wanted out. But I suppressed it. Mostly, however, all I could think about, although I was absolutely devastated by the breakup, was "what sane, mature woman would possibly want my DH? The OW must have massive issues." I felt a bit sorry for her.

Anyway, ladies, think this: You are better off than the OWs as, while the men are probably twats, at least you had then when they were younger and better looking twats.

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