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Name change after divorce

(26 Posts)
TessoftheAngels Wed 07-Nov-12 13:06:23

So, been divorced a year. I was going to keep married name as it's the same as dc's. However, I have recently discovered that xh actually left me for another woman despite me believing it was just the end of the line for us. I no longer loved him at time of split but it's the deceit and lies I am finding hard. We were married a long time and thought we had parted as good friends.
Now I feel I don't want 'his' name anymore. How difficult is it to revert back to your maiden name? I can think of at least 5 people/companies I will have to notify. And then there are my dc (primary age), do I give them the choice of double barrel surname or just have different name to me? I have the feeling I am overthinking things as per usual for me confused

Missdee76 Wed 07-Nov-12 13:25:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffyraggies Wed 07-Nov-12 14:10:15

Same as missdee. Easy by deed pol. Don't bother splashing out money on lots of copies of the certificate btw, as most of the organisations that need to be informed of the change can be shown the original 'over the counter' and you don't need loads of copies to give out/send off (as i was told hmm)

Bit sad having a different name to the DCs, but they don't seem to care two hoots grin

Re-married now so have had to change all over again!

daffydowndilly Wed 07-Nov-12 14:24:17

My solicitor advised me that when the divorce comes through that is all you need, i.e. to show the divorce certificate to banks etc to change your name back. So apparently no need for deed poll. But I have yet to get that far. Tricky with children, I will either double surname (they already have my name as a middle name), or change it (if he will agree, but he was the one who originally suggested that).

Originally I felt that I wanted to keep the same name as the children, but the more time that passes, I want to be me again. Not a possession. I had so much emotional pressure from him to change it after our marriage, and now my decisions are all mine! In retrospect should have seen that as a sign that he was a tad controlling.

iwantapuppy Wed 07-Nov-12 14:54:17

You still need a deed poll - divorce certificate was not enough for my bank.

Easy to do.

I changed my name and kids kept their dad's. I will never ever change my name again :-)

InNeedOfCoffee Wed 07-Nov-12 14:57:10

I changed it everywhere with my decree absalute (nationwide building society) driving licence, all happy with it. Do not have a passport so not sure if they would have accepted it.

daffydowndilly Wed 07-Nov-12 16:58:11

Hhmmm...one of the UK government offices states:

"If someone wishes to change their name on divorce or dissolution of a civil partnership, providing we are satisfied that you are the true holder of the identity we may issue you with a new passport on production of an original divorce certificate or dissolution order. You will also need to provide your birth certificate".

The only people online that say you need the deed poll are deed poll issuing companies, but I guess I'll find out in time! wink

Springhasarrived Wed 07-Nov-12 18:30:32

I did it on line back in September and the whole process was a lot easier than I anticipated. You do need an afternoon to sit down and sort it though once your deed poll and copies come through.

It's been wonderful to have my old name back. I'm still enjoying saying I am Ms X and not Mrs Y. grin Oh and DC's very happy that I am happy with new name and couldnt care less we now have different names.

peppapigpants Wed 07-Nov-12 19:41:42

I changed mine on separation, DC don't care at all. Now we live with DP so there are three different names at our house!

tribpot Wed 07-Nov-12 19:51:12

If it's any help, me and my ds have never shared a surname as I didn't change it when I got married. He has never even asked why it's different. I haven't had the same surname as my mum since I was 7, it's also never bothered me in the slightest.

CremeEggThief Wed 07-Nov-12 23:02:52

Never changed mine either! DS has my name as one of his middle names too.

skyebluesapphire Wed 07-Nov-12 23:29:52

I want to change mine to be shot of the STBXH, but I use it in the name of my business..... why oh why did I do that?!! So for the moment Im keeping it, but I do hate carrying his name, when he is no longer anything to do with me! I have severed all ties, so it seems wrong to keep his name.

Also for DD, thats the main reason for keeping it, so we have the same name, but obviously if I remarry at any point (please shoot me if I ever think of doing it again grin) , then my name will change again anyway.

redtulip68 Thu 08-Nov-12 09:39:01

This is something I'm currently considering. I think it is made a little more painful as my name is double barrelled and my STBXH took on my name, as well as keeping his own. Now is has reverted to his original name, so cutting me and his Dc out of his name entirely. Whilst I dont care about him nolonger having my name it does upset our DC who are both primary school age.

Our DS has asked to remove his Father's name whilst our DD wants to keep it, not because it links her to her father but she likes the way it sounds! My SIL never changed her name after divorcing because she promised her son that they would always share the same name. I feel the same way but I really want shut of STBXH. Its a truely difficult decision to make especially when Dc are involved.

fluffyraggies Thu 08-Nov-12 09:58:45

Gosh it can be tricky cant it?

Our household was like peppas with 3 names. Now my new man and i are married we're back down to 2. I left the kids names as they were as they weren't bothered and were all over 10, so well used to one name.

After my SIL got divorced from her DSs father she made his name into a double barreled one to include her maiden name, so that she and her son didn't have completely different last names. She is now about to get married to the father of her new baby. She, her DH, his kids and the new baby will all have one name and her eldest son will be the only one with a different name. So - i don't know what she'll do. Her poor DS is only 5 and will be on his second name change soon by the looks of things. He's been having a struggle learning and spelling his name sad

skyebluesapphire Thu 08-Nov-12 10:13:52

Can you change your child's name without the fathers permission?

TessoftheAngels Thu 08-Nov-12 10:44:57

Thanks for the great responses! I had a brief chat with my dc and they would rather we all kept their dad's name. Double-barrelling would really be a bit of a mouthful for them but I gave them that option. So, it's looking like I will be Mrs ... for a while longer. sad I will wait until they are a bit older and have another chat with them I think.
Skye As far as I know you do need the dads permission to change your child's name. Might be worth looking into deed poll though just to be sure.

fluffyraggies Thu 08-Nov-12 11:19:52

Probably you can't skye.

For info: my SILs XH is utterly uninterested in his child so wouldn't have contested the change.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Thu 08-Nov-12 11:36:47

For your own name you don't need deed poll. I emailed the registry office here and got a very helpful (and very compassionate) reply as we were waiting the 2 years for a divorce and I wanted to do things in my maiden name.

You can just revert back. To a maiden name, but there is a statement you write and sign that you need to send out. I changed passport and driving license first like this and then used these as well as the statement for other things.

Do contact your registery as the ones online you pay never mention its free to do it yourself!!

This only applies to reverting to a maiden name though, not random changes!

FryOneFatManic Thu 08-Nov-12 13:00:18

I think I read somewhere that your legal name is your maiden/name on birth certificate, so a married name is actually just a courtesy name.

Not a problem for me. I've never changed my name, and never will. DCs not at all bothered that they have a different name from me, it's just how it is.

bouncyagain Thu 08-Nov-12 13:52:33

OP if the father has parental responsibility (you mention divorce, so that means he will) then you cannot change the children's name without the father's consent, or otherwise a court order. It's one of the few things where he has a veto (others are things like changing the children's religion).

alepetrucci Thu 08-Nov-12 15:47:47

Even though some people here had problems with changing back to your maiden name, you DON'T need a deed poll. My bank was also really annoying about it, but eventually they agreed. (It can work wonders to just speak to someone else, or maybe try going to a different branch!) But you need to go in with your decree absolute / nisi AND your marriage certificate.

The Passport Office are the same. Your divorce documents are enough (plus your marriage certificate). (source: deed-poll-office.org.uk/advice/woman-getting-divorced)

skyebluesapphire Thu 08-Nov-12 19:07:57

Do you get your marriage certificate back then? I presumed that the court would keep it.

peppapigpants Thu 08-Nov-12 22:31:07

You definitely don't get your marriage cert back once you have submitted it to the court with your divorce application.

LivesInJeans Thu 08-Nov-12 22:41:09

Photocopy marriage certificate, divorce certificate and many will change based on that. I have a deed poll which quite frankly I could give to anyone to make their own. It's just a typed letter witnessed by another making my name change. Hardly 'special powers' but did seem to make the process easier.

DVLA, Council, utility suppliers, TV licence, banks, vets, GP, dentist, insurances, library, inland revenue, CSA, credit card, schools, breakdown recovery < definitely do this one, they refused to come out because I had a different name!!!!! opticians, hospital, mortgage....

I did a mail merge and sent to all

Work was interesting - work e-mail and every single user name (I have about 10!) Every single IT dept congratulated me on getting married. I had the same conversation with them all grin Yes, congratulations are in order but I got divorced

skyebluesapphire Thu 08-Nov-12 23:54:52

I did my own deed poll to give myself a middle name when I was 18. I adopted it by usage then copied a deed poll from online and got my boss to witness it. It was accepted everywhere and didnt cost me anything

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