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I've finished it but already think I've done wrong!

(10 Posts)
Missdee76 Wed 07-Nov-12 10:07:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DawnOfTheDee Wed 07-Nov-12 10:11:41

Your halfway there! Listen to yourself I'm so tired of the 2 yrs I've jumped through hoops for him which has resulted in nothing but tears and anguish

This is why you've ended it and that's a very good reason. It is 'just the way he is' but that's not good enough so imho you have made the right decision.

At the moment it's very raw and painful but I think that very soon you'll feel the relief at not having to jump through hoops all the time.

Well done on deleting his number - stay strong! x

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 07-Nov-12 10:14:52

Any big decision goes hand-in-hand with the collywobbles, don't worry. Sounds like you've done the right thing. Very wise to delete his number etc. Very wise to realise that you've been jumping through hoops and getting nothing in return. He was the one that excluded you from his DCs btw... be clear about that. Now what you have to do is put him firmly behind you, wave goodbye to 'needy and insecure' and start rebuilding your confidence.

First mind-set change is that you don't need a 'nice bloke' to have a rewarding life and to be happy. Happiness comes from within, not by relying on someone else. Start making the most of your independence, getting to know yourself, developing your social life. Do things you enjoy and go places you want to go. Be with people who make you feel good about yourself. No more wasting time sitting by the phone, waiting for him to call all the shots, eh?

Missdee76 Wed 07-Nov-12 10:30:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 07-Nov-12 10:36:43

Then you have to give yourself less time to imagine..... physically I mean. You have to totally occupy your mind with other things. Work, chores, hobbies, friends, sports,... consciously fill your day 100% and find other things to think about until the obsessional stuff starts to recede. Difficult when you've got into the needy & insecure habit for 2 years+ but the only way to move forward

Missdee76 Wed 07-Nov-12 10:37:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 07-Nov-12 10:40:30

A question.... you weren't bluffing when you ended it, were you? Was there any idea on your part that, if you brought things to a head, he'd back down and right all the wrongs?

Missdee76 Wed 07-Nov-12 10:47:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 07-Nov-12 10:55:22

Makes sense. Even if there was only a slight element of bluffing, because he called you on it then that's probably why you feel particularly frustrated/obsessive. But you've definitely done the right thing. There's nothing more cruel than a man that keeps a girlfriend like a toy he can pick up when he's bored but discard when something more interesting comes along. I also think the word 'love' is the most misused one in the English language quite honestly.... trotted out or withdrawn when it suits.... yet we set so much store by it. You were a 'convenient woman'...

I'm sure you'll be looking a lot happier in under two weeks this time.

Missdee76 Wed 07-Nov-12 12:12:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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