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Ex looked at child porn so I'm refusing access

(63 Posts)
ClementineKelandra Tue 06-Nov-12 18:51:19

Ive been trying to write about this for weeks and quite frankly I'm terrified of what you are going to say to me.

I finally seperated from X earlier this year. I then found out that 6 years before I met him he was areasted, charged and cautioned for looking at images of child porn. He attended a 'rehabilitation' course for 2 years and had to sign the sex offenders register for 5 years.

I was and am still horrified and repulsed by the man I brought into my children's life. I'm beyond devestated.

I don't think he should have any access to the children but Ss are saying he can have 2 x 1.5 hour supervised contact with dd.

Please help me figure out what to do. I think I should refuse all access and let the bastard take me back to court. I am scared though, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

SirBoobAlot Tue 06-Nov-12 18:53:11

I have no idea on the legal standing, but I would certainly feel the same way you do now. So sorry you're facing this sad thanks

ClementineKelandra Tue 06-Nov-12 18:55:01

I need to find a good solicitor. Mine is crap.

doinmummy Tue 06-Nov-12 18:56:32

You poor thing. Firstly do not beat yourself up about it, you weren't to know. Does he see the children in a contact centre? Do they know his history? I totally understand you wanting to stop contact. IME SS are hopeless. Do you have a court order re contact . If so I would go back to court.

VintageRainBoots Tue 06-Nov-12 18:56:45

Clementine:

1. Child porn is always unacceptable. He shouldn't have access to your children, in my opinion.

2. Off-topic: Is your given name Clementine?

JaquelineHyde Tue 06-Nov-12 18:57:55

I would suggest that you allow the supervised contact if they are going to provide the supervision and location.

If you don't you could end up being ordered to allow unsupervised contact.

The only time I would fight it would be if he tried to push for more or unsupervised.

Good luck regardless, I'm sorry you are going through this you must feel sick to your stomach.

AThingInYourLife Tue 06-Nov-12 18:58:55

Sometimes children have a right not to know their father.

When he is a convicted paedophile is one of those times.

We really are in a weird Men's Rights hell if your kid has to meet this creep regularly.

Yuck.

BooyhooRemembering Tue 06-Nov-12 18:59:25

i would refuse refuse refuse. i would even ignore a court order telling me my dcs had to spend time with him. (i'm not advising you to do that. just saying i would)

Witchety Tue 06-Nov-12 19:01:23

SS are not the law here... You need cafcass.

And you poor poor thing!! Stay string, this is not your fault, you are doing the right thing. Maybe post this in legal... Some good advice over there.

Hugs! Take care

Witchety Tue 06-Nov-12 19:03:03

Also, what did you mean by 'back to court'? Have you been already? Is this contact court ordered?

ClementineKelandra Tue 06-Nov-12 19:03:11

I do not trust the social workers to supervise him properly. He is very charming and very clever. I don't for one second think he has hurt my dc in any way but that doesn't mean he won't in the future does it?

BooyhooRemembering Tue 06-Nov-12 19:04:50

is he your children's father?

ClementineKelandra Tue 06-Nov-12 19:05:31

Sorry, I didn't mean to write back to court. This contact has been out in place by ss and tbh I'm scared of them! He is very persistent too.

ClementineKelandra Tue 06-Nov-12 19:06:11

He is the farther of my youngest but not the older (teenage) ones.

ClementineKelandra Tue 06-Nov-12 19:06:57

Going to google cafcass

SpiralDancer Tue 06-Nov-12 19:19:41

Agree with witchety with regard to cafcass, a good solicitor and decient legal advise and help is what you need and maybe this could be moved/posted in legal.

I am very sorry that you and your dc are going through this sad I hope you have a good support network around you, hugs to you stay strong.

ClementineKelandra Tue 06-Nov-12 19:21:30

I have nobody to support me really apart from you guys smile Im feeling very strong though, better than I have in years. I will not let this man near my children.

Witchety Tue 06-Nov-12 19:21:32

I don't think SS can force you into this. It's not legally binding. How did they even get involved?

Witchety Tue 06-Nov-12 19:22:44

clementine stay strong... You can do this. Post in legal, find out if there is advice there.

lisad123 Tue 06-Nov-12 19:26:13

SS cannot force you to attend this contact. Let him take you to court.

ClementineKelandra Tue 06-Nov-12 19:41:25

I contacted ss myself for help when I first found out. I didn't know what else to do. I'm scared of them though. They have all the power.

izzyizin Tue 06-Nov-12 19:45:03

Before anyone can properly advise you, why/how have SS become involved in what is essentially a contact matter which should more properly be resolved by you/your solicitor, your ex/his legal representative, and a Court if necessary?

How old are the dc in question, where is it proposed contact takes place, and who is responsible for ensuring that it is supervised?

Have SS informed you of any probable consequences should you refuse to agree to supervised contact for your younger dc?

lisad123 Tue 06-Nov-12 19:45:15

They have NO power! They have nothing on you. Tell them to close the case, and that you will deal with it in family court after seeking further advice.

UnbridledPositivity Tue 06-Nov-12 19:46:52

He will probably get contact, possibly even unsupervised. I have heard of children who had to see their father even after he spent time in prison for this. Their contact eventually moved to unsupervised.

It's sickening. The reasoning (presumably) is that he has not abused his own children, so it'll be fine. angry

Prepare yourself for a big fight. Especially if he's charming and used to getting his way. It's outrageous that it works like this.

izzyizin Tue 06-Nov-12 19:47:15

You contacted SS? shock Were you advised to do so?

You're right about SS having a lot of power but they can only act within the law.

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