Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Well - this is dying off pretty rapidly isn't it? :-(

(12 Posts)
MilkNCereal Tue 06-Nov-12 09:13:41

I used to post on the online dating threads back in the early days of their existence. I ended up arranging a date and posting on there full of nerves saying maybe I shouldn't go - you all said "go go go!!!" and so I went. 5 months later we're still together grin

But all is not well and my spidey senses are telling me we're fading out sad. We used to be all over each other, couldn't keep our hands off each other, all talks about the future and how much we felt for each other. Well, 99% of that has just stopped really. We don't tend to talk about our feelings for each other anymore, talks of the future have grinded to a halt (yesterday I asked him jokingly if he was coming to my graduation in 2014, he hesitated and then said "err yeah, if you want me to". Thanks for the enthusiasm there mate!

Biggest tell-tale sign is the sex and general bed time. Twice last week he said he was too tired to carry on after starting and this week he's stayed over my house 3 times and not come anywhere near me (considering we generally have sex 2/3 times a night when he stays over, this is a huge change!). First night I put it down to tiredness (he'd had a busy day and I'd been on a night shift the night before). Second night I was a bit hmm but last night I felt a bit upset, he didn't even kiss me and for the first time ever, didn't hug me in bed but turned away from me and went to sleep.

He's not said anything that suggests he's wanting to end it, it's all in the way he's acting. Texts if anything have grown 'nicer' which makes me think he's trying too hard to hide his true feelings. The cynic in me is saying he's only wanting to stay together as we've booked a few things for the rest of this year that he doesn't want to miss out on/feels guilty me missing out on.

What do you reckon? am I overthinking it or do we have problems?

WipsGlitter Tue 06-Nov-12 09:21:32

Five months is still pretty early days to be honest. I also think sex falls into a more routine pattern and there is less of the 'all over each other' and more about really getting to know someone as a person.

If I asked my DH about something in 2014 he would probably look at me pretty blankly as well!!!!

I think your overanalysing.

AlmostAHipster Tue 06-Nov-12 09:25:16

It sounds to me like he feels as if he doesn't have to make an effort now he's 'got' you. It's quite early days for that to happen though. If I were you, I'd back off a bit and make myself unavailable for a while. If this perks up his interest, then bingo. If not, then I'd make a clean break and move on.

SobaSoma Tue 06-Nov-12 09:28:47

Pay attention to how you're feeling. Five months isn't long and if this was right you'd probably still be walking on air (or maybe just starting to). But it sounds as if it started with a bang and because of that the intensity is already beginning to fade. Being so discontented this early on is in my mind a harbinger of doom.

Relationships shouldn't be hard work at the beginning (you'll have plenty of time for that later on) so why put yourself through it? I assume you're quite young so unless you want months of stress and anxiety trying to make it work, why not put it down to experience and move on?

bumhead Tue 06-Nov-12 09:29:00

Was there a point where things changed? A moment or event after which he seemed different?
Have you asked him if there is a problem etc?
Stopping half way through sex because he is tired sounds pretty crappy.

pictish Tue 06-Nov-12 09:29:30

Mmm....I can't imagine any response to an invite in 2014 other than a blank stare and a non commital grunt myself!
Plus, by inviting him along to something in 2014 you're pretty much putting the squeezers on imho. In a new relationship, I would feel alarmed and corned by that, even if I really liked the guy. It's pushing for commitment and promises isn't it? Even if he's well into you, that's a bit scary. It's like a test.

Maybe you might want to calm down a little and take it easy.

pictish Tue 06-Nov-12 09:30:08

corned? I meant cornered

MilkNCereal Tue 06-Nov-12 09:35:26

I don't know, I think some of it is me too. I've recently started a new job, 13 hour shifts and I'm exhausted - on top of that I have university work to do and the kids to look after. Maybe I've changed and he's responding to it?

I can't think of a pinpoint moment where it changed to be honest but I'd say it was about 2 weeks ago (when I started my new job funnily enough) but, it's also been 2/3 weeks since he started staying at my house quite a lot. Maybe we're seeing too much of each other and it's going stale as a result?

I do think it all started with an explosion that has slowly began to burn out as the months have gone on. I regret putting so much into it so early - I feel like a lot of what we've already done, should be stuff we're still looking forward to now.

Too much, too soon maybe? sad He's just text me, all full of sweetness and excitement (we're going away for the night tonight) but again - it just comes across like he's trying too hard in his texts.

shine0ncrazydiamond Tue 06-Nov-12 10:13:48

Well, all we can do is take guesses.

The right thing to do is to ask him? Just say ' Things between us don't seem to be like they were because of blah blah blah... what do you think about that? ' and see what he says.

Never ignore your gut instinct. It exists for a reason.

lubeybooby Tue 06-Nov-12 10:18:55

It's a biology thing isn't it? When all the lovely dopamine type chemicals wear off, you no longer have as much energy/inclination to put into impressing that person. It's happened gradually in all my relationships. Then you see what you have left and if it's love it will still be good, just not exactly like at the beginning when under the influence of chemistry explosions

MilkNCereal Tue 06-Nov-12 13:39:38

I like that philosophy - wait until the mad chemicals fade away and see what's left. Well, I do enjoy his company, we have a laugh and I'd miss him if we split. Not sure what else really - it's like I have a total mind block on it. Like my brain is refusing to allow me to understand my feelings. Or maybe there just isn't any!?

lubeybooby Tue 06-Nov-12 13:49:20

Sounds like you're a bit overloaded with everything and sort of numb because it's too much to process - maybe you could do with just a tiny bit of space (don't put it like that to him though or he'll think you're breaking up!) and just see each other a little less so you have some time for your mind to catch up with everything and to miss each other a little bit.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now