I am just wondering how obvious it must be to the rest of the world that DH is a manipulative dckhead? and why do I go along with it? Sorry-- this is a rather long rant but I just want to write it down so I'll stop going over it all in my head!
OK. Today he asked me if I'd go into his office with him, basically to keep him company as he'd be the only one there, he runs his own firm with a few others but they don't have much work at the moment so don't go in very often. DH likes to have people around him to talk to. I said no because I wanted to get some things done, ie laundry, sorting out some ISA transfers which should have been done two weeks ago, Ocado order, garden etc-- basically the things I normally do at home as I'm not working, I used to work full time but stopped about 3 years ago.
For the past week we had his brother (divorced) and BIL's little girl (5) staying with us. And it ended up being a total pain for me as I end up waiting on them hand and foot, basically just trying to be a good host but BIL is very hard work and never says thank you for anything. I really hadn't wanted them to come for various reasons mainly because the last time they stayed he (BIL) seemed so ungrateful and I ended up planning activities and having to go around with them (and pay for them FFS) and this time was about the same, but it was my DD's half term as well, she's applying to uni right now, and I'd looked forward to a nice calm week. We got through the week and all was OK not great-- but today was my first day at home since then.
Anyway DH was really annoyed (angry) that I didn't want to go in with him, but I stood my ground, he suggested that I go in and do some jobhunting but I said I wanted to stay and clean the house. So he went in not until about 12:00, did some work, I did some things around the house, he called at about 5:00 to be picked up at the tube (I have to be available for tube-pickups at all times as he doesn't like to take the bus, we have two cars so he could drive himself and park the car away from the tube what I did when I worked full time, the pick-ups are a real pain for me but that is another issue) and when we got into the house he had a go at me because it wasn't clean enough to be fair I had left the sitting room exactly how he'd left it that morning including his toast plate and mug on the table... but I had asked him to bring those things over and he hadn't this was after I'd had a total b%^ch session with him about how his brother had left cereal bowls etc all over and he'd agreed that it was not on!
So... I was planning on going to see fireworks with a friend he knew about this as I'd phoned him earlier I invited him (even though I really didn't want him to come as I wanted to have a good chat with friend), he said he might like to, after dinner I said OK dinner's almost ready I'd made sausages fried up with onions, plus cauliflower cheese, green beans, and the leftover roasted veges plus yorkshire puddings from a sumptuous roast dinner I'd made yesterday. Now I thought that was a pretty good effort. I brought it over to him, he immediately complained that the gravy was too thin, I was mildly annoyed and said that it wasn't but offered to remake it (Bisto, I despise it but he and kids love it) but he said too late, he'd already poured it, then he and DD and I all had our dinners, I poured the two of us a glass of red wine, asked if he was coming to the fireworks, he started complaining about the dinner which he said was very poor... and complained about the wine which was an expensive red I'd bought the day before and told him about because it was on a really good discount, I thought it was lovely but he was just looking for a reason to complain, he asked why there was no white wine in the house true, there wasn't but ?! I hadn't had time to re-stock! Not the end of the world? And we tend to drink red this time of year?! Sorry but I get so defensive, this has got to be part of the problem he started going on about how awful the dinner was, DD had a real go at him for being horrible to me and she told me the dinner was fine-- but what can you say if someone tells you that the dinner which you've cooked, which they've mostly eaten, is rubbish? I said, (a bit sarcastically but mainly to smooth things over), OK I'm sorry the dinner was shte and I'll never cook sausages again... blah blah... then he said, well you'd better get along to the fireworks and I said I'd bring a bottle of white wine back with me.
So I went off to the fireworks, a short walk away, met up with my friend, had a lovely time watching fireworks, which started much later than they'd said and went on for a fairly long time. We had such a nice chat and we decided we should go for a quick drink after to celebrate my birthday which was a week ago. So against my better judgement we did and had a lovely time, shared a bottle of wine and generally had a chat and caught up. Of course DH was annoyed that I hadn't turned up, called about 9:15 and asked where I was , I told him was just leaving, got a bottle of wine at Sainsburys on the way back and got home well before 10:00-- not unreasonably late.
More back story here it was my birthday a week ago on the Friday that BIL was due to turn up to the train station at 9:30PM and he needed picking up from the station in the car (he's got health issues, couldn't ask him to get a taxi) so that scuppered any thoughts of an evening glass of fizz or celebration, not really too dramatic about it but knowing we had to get ready for him coming which we weren't looking forward to sort of ruined the day. DH thought we should do something to celebrate my birthday, I said that I was just fine not doing too much but he insisted so we decided to go to Bicester outlet mall... just for a fun day out, no serious shopping or anything. It's about an hours drive from us and we got there it was packed, so packed that we couldn't find a parking space and DH got furious and drove really fast and angry up and down the parking lanes people jumped out of the way I of course got really upset by this, then DH found a parking attendant and shouted at him for 10 minutes when the guy suggested we park by the train station. So we drove away with him shouting that he was never going back there OK it was annoying not to find a space but FFS supposed to be my birthday celebration! Anyway we ended up having lunch at a restaurant but not fun and I wasn't 'allowed' to mention Bicester and how unreasonable he'd been. Anyway last night I thought I should have been able to say to DH that my friend was taking me for a birthday drink without me feeling guilty about it, as I'd had no other acknowledgement!
DH went to bed just before I got in last night, I went up to see him and he said I'd ruined everything, blah blah, so I said OK fine and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa. Now I'm awake at 4AM and rather furious with the situation. Sorry if it's TMI but just wanted to write it down... so many more examples like this seem to be happening on a daily basis... I need to do something but I'm not sure what! Don't want to make any effort to rock the boat until lovely DD, who is very understanding and knows that DH gets into these moods, gets her uni place sorted out...
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not violent but emotionally abusive?
149 replies
thatsnotmynamereally · 06/11/2012 06:22
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