Don't know where to start this but I got a bit upset this weekend and I know I shouldn't have as its the way it is.
We (DP and our 4 DC) went to visit my brother, his DS turned one last week and we couldn't go to hs party as my mother would have been there and it would have been too much to bear.
I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in 4 years. She has always been emotionally abusive with me, my brother is the golden child always has been. In her words I was an independent madam who didn't need her and I have always made her feel as if she was beneath me even as a child. The EA escalated and I had to move out when I was 19. We has quite a distant relationship until about 4 years ago I thought "why am I making any effort when she doesn't?" she has said and done loads of nasty things over the years. If I phoned her, the whole conversation would be about her and her woes, she deliberately tries to make me feel bad. In all the years she could never pay me a compliment or say anything nice about me. She is very resentful of me and the fact I went to uni although to everyone else she is so proud of me, the first one in our family to go to uni etc, she made out we had the perfect mother/daughter relationship. She also told me she never felt welcome in my house although her gifts and money always were, (much of the time I told her to keep any gifts as she would moan about how hard up she was).
I just stop making any effort then got a few letters from her which I replied to basically telling her all this but again nothing was her fault, everything mine. I gave up I the end, returned any gifts she sent etc.
She is totally misogynistic in that men are better than women, she has told me that you at only a real woman if you have a son and that all men want a son and DP would leave me if I couldn't give him one. DD1 she was happy about 1st grandchild and all that, DD2 she couldn't have cared less about and DD3 I was crazy to have (told me it was for the best I have a mc whilst mcing). I could write all day about the things she has said to me.
So now I visit my brother to hear about how much of a doting grandma she is and it hurts, I knew my brothers DC would always have taken precedence over mine but she has my nephew over one night a week to give them a break, childminds whilst SIL works etc (even though she's told me a woman's place is in the home and your DH would leave you if your earned more than him).
The thing is I don't want her in my or the DCs lives, we are all better off for her not being in our lives but I want a mother like what she is being to my nephew. My MIL was lovely but she's dead now so my DCs only have one GP my Dad, DP and I are in our own with four DC (I had the hallowed boy fourth time around she's never saw him) and its hard.
Ive had counselling as I've suffered from depression, anxiety and have very low self esteem, I know she probably has NPD, I know this is common between mothers and daughters, one black sheep, one golden child. But it still bloody hurts, I get angry at myself for allowing her to annoy me but then think "why me" TBH I was a great daughter never a minutes worry, went to uni, good job etc.
Thank you if you have read this far.
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Relationships
So upset I don't have a mother in the traditional sense.
sweetkitty · 05/11/2012 11:50
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