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Don't know what to do. Help please

(13 Posts)
Rippedpaperdrivingmemad1 Mon 05-Nov-12 00:08:33

Hi I'm new here and really need some advice. I discovered tonight that my Dp of 3yrs has a profile on MySpace in which he states his relationship status as divorced( we are engaged) and he is on there for networking dating and friendship. It appears that he rejoined the site about 10mths ago that was shortly after he moved out from my house as we lived together for a few months but realised we,d rushed into it and needed to getto know each other better before living together. We have continued to see each other and got engaged in June. It looks like he hasn't been on the site since April this year but he has only 6 friends 5 of which are women. One woman I know is an old friend but the rest I haven't a clue about. Am totally devastated by this and don't know what to do

ladygoingGaga Mon 05-Nov-12 00:21:48

I'm sorry to hear this. He is clearly trying to escape reality in cyber space.
I discovered my ex had done similar and I'm sorry to say it didn't end there.
This would be a big red flag for me, a happy, loving partner should not by lying about his status sad

Rippedpaperdrivingmemad1 Mon 05-Nov-12 00:28:33

Thanks for your reply. I know I need to confront him with this but am not sure how. I guess the only way is to come right out and ask him and show him what I found. I don't know why he is with me, telling me he loves me, wants to be with me is very attentive and I thought we had a good relationship?

dequoisagitil Mon 05-Nov-12 00:31:58

If he hasn't used the site in six months, then it doesn't seem a huge issue.

If your relationship was being cooled at the time he started using it again, then that's understandable, if a bit hurtful.

And if he's only got 6 friends on it, it doesn't sound like he was a massive user, and MySpace isn't a dating or NSA site?

MarjorieAntrobus Mon 05-Nov-12 00:38:56

MySpace is just social networking, isn't? I remember my teenagers using it before Facebook took off.

From your first post it sounds like he started using the site when you were "on a break" (to coin the famous Friends phrase), and that he hasn't used it since you've been back together.

A charitable reading of the situation is that he has forgotten all about it. It was something he started to use when you had some time apart, ie he was single, and he hasn't used it since that temporary separation.

Just ask him about it.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 05-Nov-12 00:39:09

Sorry, it's a horrible thing to find sad However, I agree with dequoi, but I would talk to him about it as I don't think it's good to have these things lurking around.

Rippedpaperdrivingmemad1 Mon 05-Nov-12 00:42:18

I think it's the fact he had his status as divorced and we were very clearly in a relationship. And he.d written a bit about himself ending with " get to know me and let's have some fun". Whilst I can understand he may have been feeling insecure about the relationship and maybe wondering if we would ever live together again I'm still upset that he would do it. He even had as his profile picture a really nice photo of him that I took when we went on a day out

Rippedpaperdrivingmemad1 Mon 05-Nov-12 00:51:32

Thanks for all your replies, really appreciate them. We were never " on a break" though, he just moved out as we were arguing a lot due to the fact we moved in together too soon. We had decided to continue the relationship but live apart and see how things went.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 05-Nov-12 01:07:46

It does make your stomach churn and is horrible to find sad

Is he divorced (from someone else obviously!)?

How long was he active on there for?

Do you think he did it in a strop one night?

MarjorieAntrobus Mon 05-Nov-12 01:09:12

Ah. That makes it slightly different then. Quite a lot different actually. He thought he would look for extra relationships at the same time as being in a living-apart-but-still-together relationship with you?!

Rippedpaperdrivingmemad1 Mon 05-Nov-12 01:19:14

God I feel so sick. Even the divorced bit is a lie as he is separated from his wife and not yet divorced. In a way I wish I'd never seen it because I don't think I have a choice but to end the relationship now. He told me when we first met he used to be on MySpace and it looks like he rejoined in about dec last year and used it now and again til April this year. All the while telling me I was the only one for him. I've had a gut feeling tho which is why I went looking this evening but was still shocked to actually find that. I still love him

ChippingInLovesAutumn Mon 05-Nov-12 01:24:24

Oh lovey sad If you found this because you were looking, then you are right, you really do need to end it, it's not making you feel secure and loved - what's the point? We've pretty much all had to finish it with someone we still loved because it wasn't right sad BUT there will be something/someone out there better for you who you will fall in love with. Be strong, be brave and do what you know is right. Much better now than even further down the line x

Rippedpaperdrivingmemad1 Mon 05-Nov-12 06:49:40

I have hardly slept at all. I guess my gut feeling has told me all along something was not quite right but he's very convincing when asked or he over reacts when challenged in the past which has tended to make me back down. He does treat me well in other ways so I've allowed myself to trust him

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