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Feeling sad and confused

(2 Posts)
Icantfindaname Sun 04-Nov-12 18:59:04

I am feeling very confused about my relationship with DH. We have been married for 8 years and have 2 DC's.

My DH is supportive and kind and will do anything for me. Or that is how it looks on the outside, but he is also passive and infuriating.

I just don't know what to do or how to explain how he is. And I wonder how much is me and how much is me being controlling and that maybe we have an awful co dependent relationship that is actually crap?

I don't really know how to explain it, but these are some notes that I wrote earlier

He is passive.
Does not take the initiative or initiate anything.
Does not join in or get excited.
Is a bystander in this relationship simply giving me what I need but not activly participating.
Ignores issues or does not see them.
Does not have plans or dreams, lives day to day but does not seem particularly happy.

He does not actually see a problem and therefore will not engage with a sloution and therefore I am worried that this relationship will slowly die.

I know I am not wonderful either, but right now I am in a house where I am unhappy and living with a husband who knows I am not OK, but is completely ignoring it. I could talk to him as I have in the past and he will listen and say OK, but will not actually engage with what I am saying. I will do the talking he will do the listening, he will say what he thinks I want to hear and nothing will change.

Then things will be OK for a while because we do get on and I do love him and then I will get frustrated again and the whole damn cycle will start again.

I don't know what to do.

MolotovBomb Sun 04-Nov-12 19:23:08

My parents went through something similar to what you described. My Dad was (and still is) incredibly passive and seems to do things for the proverbial 'easy life'. He's a really practical guy and not in the least bit romantic.

My Mom is the exact opposite and yours could have been a post written by her about 14 years ago.

To tell you in short: she had an affair, my Dad secretly knew but was too afraid to confront her. She left; they lived apart for 9 years then got back together (unromantically) last year due to financial circumstances.

They aren't happy. They don't hate one another; they just tick along. They irritate the bejesus out of one another.

Please find out about relationship counselling and don't let yourselves turn into my parents.

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