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help help HELP!

(4 Posts)
InTheNightGarden Sun 04-Nov-12 18:15:58

to save drip feeding this is probably going to be quite long....sorry!

I have a 18month old dd who is my absolute everything, I separated from her dad not long after she was born as he became verbally and physically abusive, was cheating and just awful to live with!

Since spliting he's been taking drugs, regularly getting drunk, harassing me, stalking me, smashed my car up, not looking after dd when I allowed him to look after her...obviously that stopped as soon as I realised what he was doing! Police have been involved on so many occasions and I stupidly didn't proceed with my cases in the hope he'd change, I dropped all charges. He did leave us alone for 6 months, it was absolute bliss!!

I've since moved on, did so about 2 months after ending the relationship. Dp is amazing, he treats dd and I like princesses, we're now expecting our own little boy!! YAY! ...however all I've had since being with dp is abuse from his ex! She's even turned up at my house shouting at me in polish (she's polish)...I told her to either speak to me in English or go the hell home (I'm not racist, was just soo angry!) She ran off... I got a call from the local police station saying this woman had reported me for racism, I quickly put them on track and they told her she'd be the one getting in trouble if she were to proceed! (Hope your keeping up, sorry!)

My ex and my dp's ex have now joined forces and are causing an amorous amount of trouble! All we get is hassle from the pair of them! They're now even in a so called relationship....where there lives evolve around my dp and I.

I received a letter a couple of weeks ago asking me to attend mediation... I did. Basically my ex trying to get access to my dd. I said all I would settle for was contact through a centre and for it to be supervised, my solicitor and the mediator agreed even if my ex took me to court that is all he'd get! He agreed to see dd through a contact centre and supervised.

He sees her twice a month for 2 hours each time, so far we''ve had 2 sessions, both of which he's been late although the lady running the centre has said he's been good with her and played nicely (not that it's hard to play with a child for a couple of hours!) This lady has now told me they only allow families to use the centre 6-9months then we need to make other arrangements, I cant stop thinking about this, I do not want him having her unsupervised, yes I know it's my own fault for a having a child with this asshole but I'm stuck sad I do not want my ex or my dps ex getting involved, my dd has a settled life, she attends nursery while I work, has good friends, my family and dps family adore her (ex/ dd's dads family have shown no interest at all, not even a birthday card or a text to ask how she is) ...I'm gutted sad just as I'm getting my life back on tract I feel like it's not going to be long before they try and get further involved sad sad sad everything they do is to ruin mine and dp's happiness, moving is out of the question ( cant afford to move) .... anyone got any advise at all??....

I do feel better for writing this though! smile

dippyDoohdah Sun 04-Nov-12 20:10:38

can you speak to your local family support worker at a sure start centre or your health visitor to see if alternatives elsewhere? even if you had to pay for it..better still, he pays for it?! follow up on more legal advice too. ultimately, if you are really concerned..and there is a lot there, cease contact and let him take you to court. national domestic violence support agency has subsidised legal aid for this kind of thing

Offred Sun 04-Nov-12 20:38:05

To be fair to him if he can manage to turn up and play nicely for 6-9months then he deserves a go at unsupervised contact. He is her dad. If he fucks that up you stop contact and tell him he needs to reapply for supervised contact at a contact centre.

cestlavielife Sun 04-Nov-12 22:44:43

it is early days . let him keep this up for six months then yes if he ahs turned up each time and played nicely you will need to extend contact out of the centre, but build gradually.

if he keeps it up for six months and you have no other evidence of harassment or anything then yes you will have to accept things have changed...

and that is good for dd right ?
but chances are he will show his other side before too long...

wait some more months see how things go

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