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1st anniversary :(

(5 Posts)
Bubblenut Sun 04-Nov-12 17:54:13

Hi. I'm new here. Have been reading for a while but this is my first post. My DH and I have been married just over a year and I think we are in trouble already. He has put on so much weight that I'm not sexually attracted to him at all right now. I do love him but I know this feeling isn't right because I should live him no matter what!

What can I do? I don't want to tell him because I know he would feel hurt.

Beaverfeaver Sun 04-Nov-12 18:14:15

I don't have too much advise but I am in similar position,

I have only been married 5 months though.

I bought it up with DH this morning. I just told him I am worried about him and said that I know he is unhappy and its causing him to drink a lot which has cause him to put on weight.
I got teary as I worry because we are drifting apart due to it and said I am not too sure how we will last to our 1st anniversary if it continues.
I want to help, but can't see how.
It's all due to his job which he hates.

I think he was hurt and defensive to wing with and even said that I have got a belly, which is untrue. It makes me sad though as we had big party for all our friends last night and I overheard a few of his friends comment on his weight in a joky way as they havnt seen him since the wedding.

I hope this has put the wheels in motion and he knows he needs to work on his drinking.
He eats healthily other than that, so doesn't need to cut back.

Bubblenut Sun 04-Nov-12 18:20:29

I have noticed people making comments too which has made me feel embarrassed. At parties it's getting to a point than when we dance together I'm just against his gut rather than his chest.

WhoNickedMyName Sun 04-Nov-12 18:32:31

You can love someone no matter what, but it's totally understandable that a drastic change in appearance, such as gaining a vast amount of weight, can affect whether you are physically attracted to someone.

I like fit toned men with muscles. If my DH gained a large amount of weight over 12 months then of course I'd still love him but I wouldn't fancy him at all, because overweight men aren't my 'type'.

I think initially you need to approach it with him from a health point of view, say that you're concerned about his weight/blood pressure/cholesterol/etc, ask him if he is as concerned as you are, ask if he actually wants to lose weight and if so what can you do to help and support him.

HecatePhosphorus Sun 04-Nov-12 18:37:11

I agree, sit down with him, tell him how much you love him and say how worried you are about his health and that he really needs to improve his health and you'll help any way you can. Suggest joining a gym together or going for long walks together, or starting to play squash together or something. Find lots of physical activities you can enjoy as a couple.

Are you the one who does shopping/cooking? Or some of it? If so, don't buy sweets and treats. Don't buy junk. Cook healthy food. you can't stop him going and buying crap or cooking crap, but you can refuse to be part of it.

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