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Can 'rebounds' ever work?

(9 Posts)
FuckityFuckFuck Sun 04-Nov-12 17:49:52

Or are they ever a good idea? (Some non-essential details changed in case it outs me)

My BIL split from his partner of nearly 10 years around 2 months ago. It was horrible, he was calling in tears several times a week as his ex had been having an affair, totally devastated him. We helped him as best we could being the other end of the country from him (mainly relaying advice from MN about the script cheaters follow, which she did - to the letter sad)

He was contacted about a week after the split by someone he vaguely knew asking if he was alright, offering a shoulder etc. A couple of weeks later, he phoned to say he had slept with her, it shouldn't have happened and he was going to apologise to her, explain he wasn't ready for anything. Fair enough.

Now, he has just told us that he is in a relationship with her, has stayed at her house for the past week and has met her children.

He is coming down for a visit in a couple of days, and OH is ready to tell him what a prat he's being by jumping in so soon, but I am a little more hesitant. We don't know his new girlfriend, she may well be a lovely woman and perfect for BIL (I'm assuming only good things about her).

I know he will ask our advice about it, because he thinks I am very wise and all knowing after using collective MN wisdom to help before, so I guess I am looking for some more wisdom? Should OH say his piece or not? Should we remain silent on the matter and see how it pans out?

I don't want this to cause any tension over the visit as this is the firt time we have seen BIL in a few years. Help!

dequoisagitil Sun 04-Nov-12 17:57:14

Oh it is rushed, isn't it? Especially her letting him meet the kids so quickly.

But I doubt there's anything to be gained by telling him he's a prat, even more so if you haven't been in contact much in years.

I might suggest caution, but in a gentle way: 'enjoy the experience but protect your heart' sort of thing?

FuckityFuckFuck Sun 04-Nov-12 18:28:41

Thanks smile

We have plenty of contact with him, just not face-to-face. We moved, he moved, everybody's skint etc.

He has said he doesn't want to be alone, he is scared of being alone. His ex was very much his social link and I think he is worried about being old and lonely with no friends (he's early 30's btw).

i suppose I am also worried that he is going into this for the wrong reasons, and because he has met her children, it may not be as simple as having a fling and then buggering off when he is feeling better

Shakey1500 Sun 04-Nov-12 18:36:17

It can work.

I met DH prescisely 6weeks after fleeing an (emotionally) abusive ex. DH had only just moved out of his home after discovering his ex had cheated. We met in the April, were engaged in the Oct and married the following June. Dh had two children when we met. That was hard but it all worked itself out eventually.

We've been married 12years smile

LivesInJeans Sun 04-Nov-12 18:42:45

My DP was on the rebound from a 20+ year marriage. To be fair I got together with him weeks after separating rather than days but it was still fast after such a long relationship.

It took me a long time to get over exH. I spent 1st 2 years keeping DP at bay. Why he stuck with me is a mystery. I used to vow weekly that I was going to split with him but we'd then meet up and have a lovely time....

My advice to him is to be in the relationship for 'the moment' not the future. I enjoyed the moments and now we have a future

PenisColada Sun 04-Nov-12 18:43:54

I am married to my rebound. We have been together 13 years.

FuckityFuckFuck Sun 04-Nov-12 19:05:29

I think I'll tell OH to keep his gob shut then, at least as far as prat calling goes and aim for the more gentle approach smile

rach6122 Wed 07-Nov-12 12:50:36

i am married to my rebound and he is the love of my life! if he is a sensible guy with his head screwed on, give it time.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 07-Nov-12 14:56:57

If this woman knows the score and is happy to be with him then there's nothing really to say.

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