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Left Abusive Partner - What Do I Do Now

(8 Posts)
ItsMyTantrum Sun 04-Nov-12 09:44:12

Yesterday I left my abusive partner (emotional, verbsl & financial). I took DD aged 2 with me. There is a longer story but I can do that later.

We came to my DMs but cannit stay here. I am a SAHM and have very little money. I will get a job but I need somewhere for us to live.

Please help, what do I do.

I feel lost and adrift and can't stop shaking.

Leverette Sun 04-Nov-12 09:56:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BertieBotts Sun 04-Nov-12 09:58:10

Go to the council first thing tomorrow and declare yourself homeless. Explain the situation with your ex, and why you cannot return home. Explain that you cannot stay with your mother, but don't say because there is no room (definitions for overcrowding are V outdated) - say that she is not willing to have you stay longer than a week, or that it's not cleared with her landlord, or something. Stress that you're in need of housing. Don't worry about money yet, there are ways of getting financial support and emergency accommodation doesn't generally require money up front.

I did this with my friend the other week and they went through all of the options with her, the housing officer was very kind.

Well done for getting out - it's such a huge step. Please be kind to yourself - I hope your mum is looking after you. X

BertieBotts Sun 04-Nov-12 10:01:05

PS, there's an emotional abuse support thread here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1583744-Support-for-those-in-Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-12

And a survivors of abuse/life after abuse thread here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1598277-Survivors-of-abuse-DV-EA-and-everything-else

Don't be daunted by long threads, just jump in at last page. But posting in case you find them helpful.

ponygirlcurtis Sun 04-Nov-12 10:26:14

What BertieBotts says is very sensible - when I left my husband and stayed with my parents, they wanted me to do the same, and were happy for me to say whatever I needed to about them refusing to let me stay for longer than a week, if it helped me get a place/get housing benefit, etc.
Other practical stuff you can do:
Give Women's Aid a call, or email the local WA if you can't get through on the phone. They have lots of advice and support available.
Have a look on entitledto.co.uk for what benefits, tax credits, etc you can get.
Make an appointment with CAB - if you need a solicitor then they can recommend ones that do a free half-hr session. Sounds like you'd be able to get legal aid though, which is good.

That's the practicalities. You can be getting on with them from tomorrow, and it'll feel good to be getting on with stuff. The emotional side will be less easy. You'll be on an emotional rollercoaster for a while - there will be great days, there will be days when you struggle. Counselling would be good (but is expensive), but you can now do the Freedom Programme (a counselling service for people who have experienced domestic abuse) online for about £9 I think (www.freedomprogramme.co.uk).
Plus you will probably have to deal with your ex-P contacting you. I don't know the situation so I don't know what you can expect, but lots of text/email communication is likely, with a variety of promises and threats. Have a standard answer (eg 'I don't want to talk right now') and be prepared to simply ignore them and not respond at all.

Come on over to the Support thread - I'm on it, and really, it's just a great place to be able to vent what you're feeling, and see that other people are going through the same, and get strength from that.

Stay strong, for yourself and your beautiful DD.

ItsMyTantrum Sun 04-Nov-12 12:09:16

Ladies thank you. Went to CAB a few weeks ago and they were useless. Will go to council tomorrow morning. Do I need an appointment or can I just turn up?

ErikNorseman Sun 04-Nov-12 13:57:33

Just turn up at 9am. You may have to wait around a long time. Leave dd with someone if you can. Your mum may have to talk to them to confirm she won't keep you so brief her if you can

BertieBotts Sun 04-Nov-12 17:19:53

In my experience, it's not too busy at 9am. Perhaps slightly more so on a Monday, but you shouldn't have to wait too long.

I agree try to stay disengaged from contact with him. If your mum is willing, and you think she'd be strong enough not to be taken in by him, she could perhaps screen calls etc from him so that you don't have to read/hear the emotional bullshit.

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