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Fallen out BIG time with my dad

(10 Posts)
kay1980 Sat 03-Nov-12 22:47:58

Just want to hear from people in a similar situation really, bit of background......

Mum and dad split up when I was 3 their marriage wasn't the best and DF was violent throughout. After they split up he moved away and married his second wife, they were married for a few years I used to go and visit a few times a year they split up after she had an affair. He moved back to our area and met his third wife who is 9 years younger than him and she had a 6 month old daughter who he has now adopted. His wife was jealous of me from the start and she used to kick off when I went there and they eventually moved 30 miles away. After they moved he was in and out of my life had Christmas and birthday presents (usually the most expensive things) anyway fast forward a few years had two daughters the eldest is 12 the youngest is 2 and since I have had my youngest he has hardly seen us in fact he hasn't spoken to me for about a year and a half. Me and DP were talking last night about it and he suggested that I get in touch with him to sort things out even though I am not really sure what I have done so I text him saying: - hi dad it's ? Any chance we could meet up just the two of us to sort things out? I hate us not being in touch.
This was the reply; there's nothing to sort out, you only contact me when you want something, leave me alone and get on with your life.
Okay fine I know where I stand has anybody else been through a similar situation with their fathers?

pictish Sat 03-Nov-12 22:51:43

Harsh response.
How unsettling for you. sad

Proudnscary Sat 03-Nov-12 22:52:14

Wow you poor, poor thing.

You have a SHIT 'father'.

That is, sadly, the size of it.

Your dp is probably well meaning but was utterly, utterly wrong to urge you to mend the rift and contact. People without toxic parents just don't understand this.

This wanker will never understand, support, care for or love you as you deserve.

You need to learn to say FUCK HIM.

Do not reply. Get some counselling. Post on here. Vent to your partner or people who care about you.

You will never have the breakthrough your three your old self yearns for.

I'm sorry x

kay1980 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:07:42

Yep my attitude is FUCK HIM and lots of my RL friends have said exactly the same grin

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Sat 03-Nov-12 23:24:46

I'm so sorry, what an absolute bastard. I agree with the advice above - ignore him.

TheWheelies Sat 03-Nov-12 23:31:42

Is it possible his wife sent that text? There's not really any way of finding that out, but it's possible given she's shown signs of jealousy in the past and is probably happy with things as they are.

kay1980 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:38:35

A friend of mine said that but no it was definitely him because he is away and I know he has got his phone with him

Proudnscary Sun 04-Nov-12 08:55:25

I don't think it is useful to start questioning whether his wife is behind this or not.

His wife and her attitude to you is a red herring.

It is him who has chosen her, and other women, over his own child.

A good father would not be with a woman who rejected his own daughter.

He is a useless piece of shit. Don't waste anymore of your precious time speculating or trying to find other ways of getting through to you.

He doesn't deserve you in his life.

Proudnscary Sun 04-Nov-12 08:55:48

through to him sorry

mutny Sun 04-Nov-12 09:04:28

Look he is a prize twat and I am sorry about that. So sorry. I didn't see my dad from being 2 til 10. But I know he was trying to get contact (mum now admits this). He showed up at things like my first holy communion and watched fro. The balcony at church then was chased off by my uncles when spotted.
I can't imagine how shit I would feel knowing he didn't want contact.

He is a bastard. Even if my kids did only contact me when they wanted something I can't imagine not trying to build bridges. I may not give them what they ask for, but I couldn't cut them off. Not saying you do, do this. Just even if it was true I still don't get it.

I don't speak to my grandfather anymore for various reasons. It was hard at first. But 5 years on I am glad I have. Just because someone is a blood relative doesn't mean you have to keep allowing them to hurt you.
If he was just someone you knew and not your 'father' would you keep trying to keep in touch even though hr hurt you so much?

I know I am simplifying things. But sometimes its the only way.
again I am sorry you are upset and he is awful. I hope you get past this.

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