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Why the hell cant I get over my ex?

(7 Posts)
MagicLlamaAAARRRGGHH Sat 03-Nov-12 14:28:09

I dont understand it.

We split 5/6 years ago. He was EA, with physical violence twice. We have DS1 that he doesnt see because court ordered indirect contact due to his behaviour with DS. He chose to walk away rather than work with the process.
Ive had a couple of short lived relationships since then and he made me miserable. I was anxious and on tenterhooks our entire relationship and it was almost a relief when he left me for someone else.

Yet Ive just seen photos of im on facebook as hes tagged in a photo with a mutual friend, and hes got his arms around another girl, and it is like a slap to the face and I feel sick and sad. Why the hell do I still care?

He was my "first love" and it was very off and on and just messy really and it resulted in DS1 but other people get past first loves and move on. Whats wrong with me?

Molepom Sat 03-Nov-12 20:41:04

Its the fact that he looks as though he has moved on while you are still suffering the effects of not just the relationship but the breakdown too. He seems to have no responsibilty while you are saddled with everything.

It IS exactly how you described it...A slap in the face but you and DS are better off without him and you know it. It just takes time for your ex's shit not to effect you.

lulutherapies Sat 03-Nov-12 22:07:15

block the mutual friend on FB and anyone else connected with ex. Shut it out. Hope you are able to get out and enjoy yourself with friends and have fun and lots of laughter even if you're not ready for another relationship. You need to distract yourself. It may take a long time but your feelings for him will gradually reduce. Crying is good therapy too.

MagicLlamaAAARRRGGHH Sun 04-Nov-12 09:00:57

I know but its been years There seem to be periods when its OK, and then all of a sudden something just makes me remember how crap it all was IFSYIM?

Lulu I think thats the problem, my circle of friends (and its a small one) are people who are still connected with him. It was my brothers fiancees photo that he was tagged in. Hes blocked on fb, nbut theres just so many links to him. I need a complete new circle of friends and places to go. But im not very sociable at the best of times, and I struggle to make new friends and find the time to do / go anywhere anyway, so I worry that if I drop my old friends Ill never make any new ones.

In fact I think thats part of the problem. My self esteem is rock bottom, and it was him who crushed it, and its almost like I need him to regret it so that I can feel better about myself? Does that make sense?

I just need to pull myself together I think!

Listaddict Sun 04-Nov-12 12:49:33

Hey there I know what you mean about wanting him to regret it so that you can then pull yourself together. With me I guess it was easier to wait for him to do that then get up and start repairing my life. My self esteem hit rock bottom too with two serious relationships. I was still waiting for the first ex to regret it. I actually did get closure because five years later he got in touch expecting me to have waited for him - moron - and he regretted it. It magically worked. Now I'm in another crap relationship that I'm fresh out of. I'm older and getting wiser. He isn't going to suck more life out of me as an ex. It's difficult I know but tell yourself you'll have a week of not giving. A crap about him and you can start waiting after a week. If that makes any sense. You need to get out of your mindset that you need anything from him. He's blown his chance with you. Make yourself the best that you can be for you and ds and when you're on the way up he'll come running himself.again which point you tell him to do one. Hugs xx

EdsRedeemingQualities Sun 04-Nov-12 12:51:48

I think sometimes you don't get over some people, not in the way you can happily forget others. I know my ex is a toad, he was my first lover as well but I still feel somehow attached to him.

I have no idea why.

lulutherapies Sun 04-Nov-12 22:45:35

hope you're feeling a bit better today. x

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