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Is this a normal reaction?

(6 Posts)
ratherstickpinsinmyeyes Fri 02-Nov-12 19:31:14

My nisi was granted this week. It was mutually agreed that after 15 years and 3 DC's we would be happier etc etc apart. Arrangements for the DC's amicable, finances amicable.
But since seeing it in writing from the court, I have been crying at nothing, taken to my bed and eaten my own body weight in chocolate.
Those of you that have been through this before, is this normal and how long can I expect to feel so unhappy and such a failure?

MolotovBomb Fri 02-Nov-12 19:35:06

I've not been through a divorce soni am sure that someone with relevant experience will be along in a bit.

I'm sure from reading your post, that you're goig through some sort of mourning for the relationship; your past and the happy times that must have existed at some point.

I think it's natural and that you need to grieve to move on. Let yourself go through it but don't let it hold you back in going for your future happiness.

Good luck x

jaffacake2 Fri 02-Nov-12 19:46:26

I felt the same when my divorce came through. Some of it was relief that he had gone including all his abusive behaviour.I was married for 18 yrs. But alot was still grief for the family that I thought I had. When you get married and have children you just think this is forever with all the security and stability.Suddenly you are alone with responsibilty of bringing children to adulthood alone and all the other decisions for housing etc.
I went along to a divorce recovery workshop which really helped me to stop looking through rose tinted glasses at our past and also how to move forward.
These workshops are run by other divorcees with professional helpers.Look online there may be one by you.
Be kind to yourself,give yourself time to recover. It takes time but it will feel better.
Good luck

FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda Fri 02-Nov-12 19:53:05

As molotov said, you're in mourning. I was the same even though I ended the relationship because he was a violent abusive bastard. Didn't stop me grieving for the loss of my hopes and dreams (even though he's murdered them years ago).

ratherstickpinsinmyeyes Fri 02-Nov-12 19:56:52

Thank you for your replies.

It does feel as though I am grieving - I think that before I didn't give myself time to think and just went into "task mode" IYKWIM - now that it has come through, it has knocked the wind out of me a bit.

It hasn't been all bad but the last few years have taken their toll.

I do think you are right, that I am focusing on what could have been rather than what was.

Wecanfixit Fri 02-Nov-12 22:53:35

So sorry about how you are feeling, I do understand and YES it is perfectly normal to feel like this, I had a bad break-up following a divorce 20 years ago and when the nisi came through it just hit me Bang ! , I was a wreck and did all the crying and griefing and eating chocolate thing for awhile I am afraid , it it the lose of what you thought would last forever and that was your own family that is what I found hard to get over and the lose of a loved one , be kidn to yourself I hope you have good friends or family to support you, and your kids will help you through this very difficult time, all the best to you, hope what I have written is of some help.

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