Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is it ever acceptable to call your wife a hoare & cunt whilst holding your baby

(44 Posts)
Moomin1000 Thu 01-Nov-12 20:11:11

When ever my husband gets mad he calls me these awful names whilst holding our daughter his voice raised I say not in front if her and he just ignores me!!! I've threatened to call the police but he says if I do that he will fight for custody! I don't know what to do :-(

ellesabe Thu 01-Nov-12 20:14:19

Errr... My first reaction would be to say that you're better off without him. Why are you with this man if that's the way he treats you?

nocake Thu 01-Nov-12 20:15:55

It's not acceptable to call your wife those names even if there's no baby around.

djelibeybi Thu 01-Nov-12 20:17:55

If he does it to you now, he'll probably do it to her when she is older.

A chat with Social Services might be a good idea.

A chat with a divorce lawyer would be a better one.

NeedlesCuties Thu 01-Nov-12 20:19:25

You know the answer to that already.

Calling anyone a whore or a cunt is not on, least of all the mother of your child.

Is there anyone in real life you can get support from?

Snog Thu 01-Nov-12 20:20:11

Do you really need to ask? There is no respect here, and where there is no respect there is no relationship.

Moomin1000 Thu 01-Nov-12 20:20:22

Because he's the father of our child and u married him and I'm on unpaid maternity leave and rely on him for financial support!! I do everything for our baby he simply plays that is it!! He is on about moving out and has found an executive apartment which over looks the sea has wooden floors very plush I said that it was out of order moving into something so plush when we r in such a small dark damp house!! That's what sparked this argument! I really try to please him! He's over for two weeks to work for charity abroad I have no help but he says you wanted to be a mother!!! My baby is awake every hour and a half at night I'm exhausted!!! I'm so worried my baby will pick up on the tension

Bagofspiders Thu 01-Nov-12 20:20:57

He would have absolutely no chance if getting custody of your child, or even access, so please don't let that put you off calling the police.

Snog Thu 01-Nov-12 20:23:34

You need to leave this relationship, end of, it would be insanity not to imo

Moomin1000 Thu 01-Nov-12 20:26:32

He also works for police and says it not a criminal offence to call your wife those names

HecatePhosphorus Thu 01-Nov-12 20:28:22

What a crock of shit!

Moomin1000 Thu 01-Nov-12 20:28:59

I look At my daughter and my heart breaks I love her sooo much and can barely smile at her some days because I'm so unhappy

HecatePhosphorus Thu 01-Nov-12 20:29:18

Sorry, am on Damn pad and when I press return it's bloody posting

Bagofspiders Thu 01-Nov-12 20:29:48

I'm afraid that emotional abuse and threatening behaviour is a criminal offense. And I'm fairly sure he knows that.

PoppadomPreach Thu 01-Nov-12 20:30:46

it is a criminal offence to verbally abuse your partner in a threatening manner, which this is.

he is being a twat - and even more so for trying to use his position in the police to try to scare you.

record EVERY incident like this - time and exactly what happened. and try to get you and your daughter away from someone who treats you with so little respect.

so sorry this is happening, especially at a time when you need so much support. x

ZZZenAgain Thu 01-Nov-12 20:30:46

he was planning on moving out anyway into this new executive apartment overlooking the sea, so he doesn't want to continue the relationship?

Let him go then. He will not get custody of your baby, seems very unlikely to me. What makes you think he will?

HecatePhosphorus Thu 01-Nov-12 20:31:50

He's full of crap and treating you like shut. It may not be a criminal offence to call someone names but it's verbally abusive and he's trying to convince you it's ok.

HecatePhosphorus Thu 01-Nov-12 20:34:02

Shit not shut. Damn thing. X post, didn't know namecallingwas criminal offence but if it is then even better! It's about time it was legally recognised as a form of abuse

Moomin1000 Thu 01-Nov-12 20:34:48

He tells me that because I had post traumatic stress 8 years ago when my husband died in a road traffic accident and had mild post natal depression when daughter was born that I'd lose custody due to my mental health

HecatePhosphorus Thu 01-Nov-12 20:36:04

More bullcrap. Get independent advice stop listening to him and find out for yourself. Be armed with info

QTPie Thu 01-Nov-12 20:38:34


I am so sorry for your problems - the man is nasty and controlling.

Please go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and see what they can suggest. I doubt that your partner will ever change (and will probably be a controlling Dad too) - hope that you find a way to get your independence from him.


Snog Thu 01-Nov-12 21:57:05

He is telling you a pack of lies to control you
The longer you stay the worse it will get.
You owe it to yourself and your dd to leave now. Why don't you think you are worth more than this?

MoelFammau Thu 01-Nov-12 23:43:20

Get advice and support. Please. Citizens Advice but also your HV is a good start. I had some post natal depression and my HV took it seriously and gave me loads of contacts for help.

Kittycatcat Fri 02-Nov-12 08:10:04

What a nasty man. I echo moel. Try your HV. In our area the HVs and midwives all have to ask if u feel safe in the home as part of their check ups. I hope you get some much needed support. Others have said it and they are right, you need to get out, if he's like it with you what will he be like with your daughter?!

Ahhhtetley Fri 02-Nov-12 08:13:44

Don't let him talk to you like that!! It's wrong!

Do what others have said and seek proper legal advice, don't take our word for it. Find out exactly what he can, and can't do. Then kick his arse out!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now