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All talk, no action doing my head in

(14 Posts)
MrsRNoble Thu 01-Nov-12 12:31:40

My partner is constantly coming up with bright ideas regarding us/our future which then tend to disapear into oblivion within hours of him talking about them. A few months ago he mentioned that he would like us to trial living together - I agreed and suggested he spend a few nights at my house a week, he agreed. Now, whenever I suggest him sleeping over he either makes an excuse or reluctantly agrees to it. I asked him again if he still wants to trial living together and he says "it's a bit soon, lets just see how it goes?" - wtf?? it was HIS idea!! then a few weeks later he'll mention us living together again.

Another one was his idea of booking a few days away in Milan - he came up with the idea, got me all excited about it, briefly looked into it and then forgot about it. When I brought it up again he acted like I'm always pressuring him!!

Christmas - he hinted and hinted about spending Christmas together, when I asked him, he said yes, of course he'd like to spend christmas here with me and the kids. Great I think, my first family christmas for years!! a few weeks later I mention it again and he umms and arrs and says "err yeah, suppose I could spend it there, not sure what else I'm doing though so will have to check" wtf??

Halloween - he suggested we take the kids to York maze - I agreed. As it approached halloween I mention it again and he says "oh yeah, errr might be a bit much of a faff?"

Bonfire night - we were supposed to be going to a big display, had it planned for ages. Last night he says "oh, didn't realise we'd planned anything for bonfire night, I don't normally bother with it to be honest - but we can go if you want?" again I'd made to feel like I'm FORCING him to do stuff.

The big one that is pissing me off though, is that HE came up with the idea of going to New York next year. We talked it through, looked up prices, hotels, flights - EVERYTHING - he mentions it a few times, I ask him a few times if he really wants to go - he assures me he does and that he's all excited about it - and then nothing. No mention of it for weeks. I didn't want to bring it up as I hate this feeling that I'm pressuring him all the time but I really do need to know as I need to book time off work so I mention it to him - he says "oh yeah, I'll look into it when I have time". I'm like "well, we were supposed to be flying in March - it's November now, we're cutting it a bit fine?" and again he makes out that I'm pressuring him and forcing him into things. It was his fucking idea.

I'm sick of it. I feel like everything he says I have to take with a pinch of salt and it's getting to the point where I don't look forward to anything anymore in case it doesn't happen.

But them some stuff he does pull off - a weekend away in Ireland for instance, he mentioned briefly, I agreed (thinking yeah whatever, like that will happen) and next thing I know, he's booked the flights.

So it's not like I can just dismiss EVERYTHING he says but it is the majority of big stuff that I look forward to and then get let down on sad and to make it worse, I'm made out to be the bad guy/bunny boiler.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 01-Nov-12 12:51:22

Bit flakey, it would do my head in. Don't assume it's something he can easily get out of the habit of doing, it may not get better. Has he got lots of other redeeming qualities to make up for this?

dequoisagitil Thu 01-Nov-12 12:57:28

I wouldn't like it at all.

I hope you went to the maze without him and are going to the firework display without him?

The worst thing about it is definitely the making you out to be demanding bit, tho. Dump-worthy.

suburbophobe Thu 01-Nov-12 13:08:46

He sounds very wishy-washy.

But why are you living your life depending on someone else to decide for you?

You should go to NY anyway, if you want. Either alone or with a friend. That's what I would do.

WhoNickedMyName Thu 01-Nov-12 13:09:02

How long have you been together?

I'd just bin him tbh. Too flakey. He wouldn't last five minutes with me.

Wingedharpy Thu 01-Nov-12 15:16:44

How long have you been with him?
Could it be that he is saying these things to impress you but, in reality, he hasn't got the finances to make them a reality?
Is he just thinking out loud?
Is he lazy?
Is he a day dreamer?

CogitoErgoSparklers Thu 01-Nov-12 15:21:16

He's a bullshitter... all talk. Might be just about tolerable if he didn't then go on to blame you for holding him to his promises. As he tries to make you out to be the bad guy.... ditch. He's not really a partner, is he?

evenkeel Thu 01-Nov-12 16:07:30

This sounds strangely similar to another thread I was reading only last week......hmm

honeysmummy1 Thu 01-Nov-12 21:56:23

sounds like he likes to day dream a bit, gets all excited in the moment and then it fizzles out...you must be so annoyed with it all
probably best he doesnt move in yet anyway if hes going to let you down all the time, or worse the kids!
i would just explain to him next time he does it that your fed up of him not seeing things through and it feels like you cant look forward to something or make proper plans as you dont know if hes gonna go through with it...hmm
maybe he will buck his ideas up if he knows your getting peeved off with him

OneMoreGo Thu 01-Nov-12 23:16:24

Have you posted about this before? If so, can't you bump up your old thread with the identical situation/info so people have a clearer picture? There's no need to start a new one if it is you - you'll only get the same answers as before.

runamile Thu 01-Nov-12 23:54:14

Not you again. Give us all a break!

SorryMyLollipop Fri 02-Nov-12 09:44:14

sounds familiar

SorryMyLollipop Fri 02-Nov-12 09:53:52

and this one

SorryMyLollipop Fri 02-Nov-12 09:56:04

this one too

OP, if these other threads are not yours, then you might find them useful as they are about VERY similar situations to your own.

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