So boyfriend and I have been together about 5 months and in that time he's blown hot and cold as to what he wants. One minute he's all loved up and excited about us, talking about us living together and going on holiday together, the next minute he tells me I'm pressuring him/rushing him and he wants to take things slowly. Other times I ask if he wants to slow things down and he says no!
I'm sick of getting the blame for things going too fast when it's him that initiates the "next step" phases all the time. So I've decided to just back right off. Half of me is scared however that if I back off he'll see it as a sign that I'm losing interest and back off too until we're no longer together iyswim?
I know he's insecure and frightened of fucking up because of his kids but at the same time, I'm sick of not knowing where I stand and the only way I can regain some control, is if I pour the ice on it myself.
Am I doing the right thing? is he likely to finish with me if I cool it down too much? I don't want to lose him completely.
5 months is really early to talk about moving in, etc and the hot & cold thing sets off alarms for me. He's doing the push me-pull you thing so you never know where you are. Keeps you on the hop and constantly thinking about him and how to please him.
Be careful. Don't focus on what he wants and not losing him, focus on what you need from a relationship and whether he is the right person for you.
I had exactly this with an ex years ago. One minute he was professing undying love and making plans for the next 20 years together, the next he went AWOL, wouldn't answer his phone and reappeared a week or so later to end it. Of course, a few weeks later he'd be back, all singing and dancing and full of love - it made my head hurt and I never knew where I stood with him! So after about 6 months I ended it - like other posters have said, it shouldn't be that flamin' difficult in the early days! And that seemed to give him the kick up the arse he needed - he realised that yes he did want me after all but it was too late.... Once her finally started acting like a boyfriend should I just felt so differently about him - he should have been that way from the start and so I ended it for good. Was hard but I then met DP about 6 months later and we've been very happy together for 7 years so I would say enough of the game playing (him, not you) - you're worth more than that so make yourself available to find someone who'll treat you right!
I don't think it's the birthday one because she carried on engaging and admitted that she was stuck and couldn't bring herself to do the right thing (instead of constantly name changing and reposting with the same old story, hoping for different responses). Plus she was still living under the same roof as her Ex I think
OP you really need to look closely at why your self esteem is so bad that you are desperate not to lose this tosser. Whatever his reasons for behaving like this, you should think more highly of yourself, end it and get a better man. Seriously, don't be like me and look back at your life wondering why the hell you put up with so much shit in relationships; the anger of being taken for an idiot never completely goes even years later. Have you considered counselling?