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(53 Posts)
fortoday Thu 01-Nov-12 07:55:32

I have read this before- but wanted to share it;
MADE ME CRY MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ... “When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

BadgersBottom Thu 01-Nov-12 07:58:19

Sorry - impossible to read that without paragraphs.

fortoday Thu 01-Nov-12 08:01:26

sorry, i managed it but was cut and paste from somewhere...

tethersend Thu 01-Nov-12 08:02:41

I think that would be a load of old bollocks even with paragraphs, Badgers...

fortoday Thu 01-Nov-12 08:03:44

I have read this before- but wanted to share it;
MADE ME CRY MARRIED OR NOT, YOU SHOULD READ THIS ... “When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.

I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.

The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing.

I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.

Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work.

I drove alone to the office.On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.

Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs.

Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore.

Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship.

It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Thu 01-Nov-12 08:04:11

I managed to read it... sorry but it IS a load of bollocks

fortoday Thu 01-Nov-12 08:04:47

i thought it was really sad but shows the strength of women - miserable sods

nkf Thu 01-Nov-12 08:05:14

Mawkish.

WineGoggles Thu 01-Nov-12 08:05:55

Codswallop...but strangely moving! Thanks for sharing.

MaureenLove Thu 01-Nov-12 08:06:40

Wtf!

PosieParker Thu 01-Nov-12 08:07:24

Yes I read it and thought it was untrue, but rather sweet.

helpyourself Thu 01-Nov-12 08:12:24

Meh. It's soppy, but there's a germ of truth in there.
Love is a verb.
Don't know how stable a relationship it would be after, and why would you want someone who wanted to divorce you?

BadgersBottom Thu 01-Nov-12 08:12:40

Bang on there tethers. Is that one of those ghastly Facebook things?

fortoday Thu 01-Nov-12 08:14:19

its not the story or the facts in it that is sweet and emotional it is the message it is trying to convey that makes me go 'arrrrrrr' xx

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Thu 01-Nov-12 08:16:02

Reminds me of a 'story' I saw posted on FB... about a 3 yo boy who tells his mum he's written on her sheets with lipstick. She beats him to death (as you do) then sees he wrote 'I love you mummy'... mawkish... ridiculous...bleeergh

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Thu 01-Nov-12 08:17:48

no vomiting emoticon unfortunately

AnyFucker Thu 01-Nov-12 08:26:24

Wtaf

Waffleonandon Thu 01-Nov-12 08:26:34

Hmm, didn't find it that touching - the wife basically sacrificed her health and happiness to make her DH see the error of his ways and let him wriggle out of admitting his shitty side to himself (because of course the divorce was just down to him not knowing how to make the marriage work, not the emotional or physical affair he was having) and his son. Would have been far more touched by a well written version of;

Woman honest enough to tell her H that she's got cancer as soon as she finds out.
Woman brave enough to kick her H out when he's too busy with Jane to support her through said cancer.
Woman's family/friends sensible and generous enough to help woman and son through the split and dealing with cancer.
Woman with enough support to start looking after herself instead of having to worry what DH is up to, has time to rest and get through cancer treatment happier than she would have been (I'm FULLY aware it's nowhere near that simple but it's only a story).
DH realises Jane was prettier and more fun when she didn't have to let him live with her and wash his pants every day so goes off her and realises he's been a royal shit and did actually love wife.
DH has to admit to being a royal shit to himself and do something constructive about it rather than wait for wife to make any sacrifice so he can see the error of his ways.
DH also has to admit to being a shit to son and work on their relationship, taking the pressure off the wife rather than piling it on emotionally.
DH apologises to wife, which hopefully makes her feel better unless she's taken up with an ex-Chippendale in the meantime and doesn't give a monkeys.
Woman beats cancer, has better life as a result OR doesn't beat cancer, sadly dies but at least didn't martyr herself for a selfish shite and can relax that remaining parent has more honest and real relationship with son.

I'd be far more touched by that hmm

noddyholder Thu 01-Nov-12 08:31:49

Lost the will to live

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Thu 01-Nov-12 08:36:46

Waffle don't forget the bit about finding an oncologist and getting some treatment. Rather than going to work and being found dead in bed?

Apart from the fact that it's total, total bollocks, there is nothing in here about women's strength. Plenty about passivity and her whole life being defined by a relationship with a man.

Lol at the way cancer is in uppercase as well

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Thu 01-Nov-12 08:38:09

Sorry OP, I'm a bit grumpy in the mornings. I'm sure you meant well.

lotsofcheese Thu 01-Nov-12 08:40:55

I am pregnant, hormonal & blubbing at this nonsense!! Bloody hell!!!

Waffleonandon Thu 01-Nov-12 08:49:56

Yes tired - she probably couldn't go to the oncologist appts because it would have got in the way of working to fund his golfing/xbox/stamp collecting hobby, or would have stopped her making his dinner on time.

I find the story very depressing to be honest - is that REALLY all that good wives with life-limiting diseases want, aspire to, or are supposed to want to contribute to the world - to be carried once a day and die alone?

Waffleonandon Thu 01-Nov-12 08:53:56

Sorry, I'm probably taking far more affront to this story than I should but it's irked me, but this is the bit of it I'll pick on.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart - your nearest and dearest starts looking really haggard and thin and THAT'S your first explanation - that they've become a bitter old hag? hmm

Waffleonandon Thu 01-Nov-12 08:54:27

*The LAST bit of it I meant to say!

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