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To not seem to beable to stop living in tbe past. Thinking about the ex sex buddy and how he used me so ill and the emotions of feeling conned and foolish

(8 Posts)
SoleSource Wed 31-Oct-12 13:02:32

Even though I have had therapy.

I cannot believe I let him do that to me. I thought I was a good judge of character. He was very manipulative and a pretender.

Why oh why did I let him. My self esteem was rock bottom. I am a good person I didn't deserve his stealing. He was also cheating on a girlfriend I did not know he had. I still wonder/care about his children,, wondering what they look lime how they do at school. Four years have passed and I am scared of moving on and being conned again

How does one move on? I am driving myself xrazy tbe last day.

CogitoEerilySpooky Wed 31-Oct-12 13:07:03

You move on by accepting that life is never risk-free. You've made a mistake and learned some lessons so the chances of a repeat are far lower than they were. Rather than opting out completely, therefore, anticipate meeting another con-artist at some point in the future, be confident that you'd spot them a lot earlier and have a strategy for getting rid. It's far more empowering

SoleSource Wed 31-Oct-12 13:36:47

Thank you Cogito. I feel you are right. It is just so bad that he has had this affect on my confidence/emotions. He couldn't care if I was dead or alice. Being caring is a curse.

SoleSource Wed 31-Oct-12 13:43:15

I just feel ashamed of myself and angry.

MyDonkeysAZombie Wed 31-Oct-12 13:56:06

He sounds like someone who probably cruises through life uncaring of the damage he wreaks. He has no conscience.

Hopeless to ever think he'll apologise for doing you wrong, so pointless brooding over what happened. You can't go back in time to be less open and trusting and if you could, would you want to be someone as cold hearted as him?

I'm glad you had therapy. Are you going to let him "win" by allowing his shit to spoil your future? No, because he is pond life and you have come through, and you will not be duped by his like again.

This is a bit 'woo' so by all means ignore, but write his name on a piece of paper tonight along with any final thoughts regarding his actions 4 years' ago and burn it then flush away any ashes.

CogitoEerilySpooky Wed 31-Oct-12 14:01:41

Everyone feels regretful about past mistakes. The only way you'll get past that feeling is to make better choices in future. If you make a mistake but get stuck there, then that's always going to be your last experience.... It is rather like the old thing of getting back in the saddle after a fall from a horse. Dwell on the fall and you set yourself up for a phobia. Push through the fear and you get the twin satisfaction of overcoming an obstacle together with the pleasure of rediscovering the activity itself. Similarly, the minute you start making new memories of successful, happy, non-exploitative relationships, the quicker the old memories recede and take their proper place.

nightcat Wed 31-Oct-12 21:04:57

Cogito, you are so wise, where did you learn all this? I am very grateful for this kind of advice thanks

SoleSource Wed 31-Oct-12 21:10:52

Cogoto is very genorous to share the info x You have helped me again. Thank you thanks xx

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