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Oh =/.

(13 Posts)
Nightwish Tue 30-Oct-12 22:34:57

DP just left.

I refuse to name change. Even though I expect later I will wish I had.

He lied again. After promising yesterday he wouldn't.
So instead of sort it out he got up and left.

DS is asleep and that is all I want to do, I was bloody tired anyway and now I just feel fucking sick.

Why the fucking hell is it embedded in some people to lie and lie rather than just tell the truth?
Is it so bloody hard!

And why can't I just hate him and not want him back here apologising now?


Sorry for the rant but I have no one to talk to at this time of the day sad.

RecklessRat Tue 30-Oct-12 22:53:55

Sorry to hear this Nightwish. Dont apologise for ranting. You can talk to us.

What did he lie about this time?

Halfway Tue 30-Oct-12 23:12:51

I'm so very, very sorry. sad

Don't feel bad about ranting if you need to. Just focus on anything that will make you feel better/comforted right now.

Wrap yourself up in a blanket, talk here if you need to, whatever will help you most OP.

You're not alone.

Nightwish Tue 30-Oct-12 23:13:46

Money. Again.
He has always been bloody awful with money but it the lying really gets me.

He sold a car. For £600. Told me it was £800.
I asked for the money to put in my bank considering it was my money as I lent him £1000 to buy the new car. He was being very resistant and I could tell something was up so kept pushing.

After finally agreeing to let me have the money he said he would need to take £200 out to give to his Uncle who he owes money and I disagreed, saying I would transfer it over once I had put it all in my account.

After even more persuasion he eventually gives me the cash, I count it and ask him why he lied.
To which he replies, I said it was £600. angry

Hahhahaha, if he seriously thought I was that thick as to not know what I heard.

So he then he started getting stuff ready to leave.
No explanations for being a knob, the most I got out of him was, 'I didn't choose to be born, I didn't choose to be like this'.


And to top it all this car he bought around 6 months ago for £1300, fiddled around with it and has sold it for half the flipping price.

tribpot Tue 30-Oct-12 23:28:13

Do you think it really was sold for £600 and he wanted to avoid the row about the amount of (your) money he had wasted on it, or do you think it really was £800 and he fancied keeping £200 of it?

Either way, I'm not sure it really matters. He lies because it's 'easier' than facing up to the truth. More of the effort slides from his shoulders to yours this way.

I'd imagine you are struggling to understand how he would rather evade his responsibilities and risk the security of his family than do the simple and decent thing. He's walked out rather than deal with it - perhaps that is your answer.

Halfway Tue 30-Oct-12 23:53:08

Argh, if he is trying to rewrite history by trying to convince you that he said something when you know he said something else (ie. the amount of money)... then thats gaslighting (definitely worth googling if you haven't heard the term, I hadn't before coming here). And really not a good sign.

Nightwish Wed 31-Oct-12 08:27:59

I think he uses it as a way to continue his lying.
Even when I know he has lied he still carries on lying as though he has got himself so far into it he doesn't know how to get out.

He did it last week too, I knew he was spending money on a game, he lied, I gave him more than one opportunity to admit it. Then with the evidence on his emails he still lied!

And I definitely think it was the £600. And he lies because he knows I would be pissed off, isn't that a reason not to do it then?

I didn't sleep well, so now I am tired and grumpy up with DS (3).

I didn't let the prat take anything with him yesterday, I said I would pack it up today so I expect he will atleast be back for the important thing today, his pc.

I also want him to explain to DS why he isn't here but I don't want to let him see I am upset.

I feel so stupid, it is my fault for giving him another chance last year and I should have know he would mess up spectacularly again. He changed a lot and did so much but I guess you can't change who the person is especially when lying is seemingly part of who they are.

Hoping to go and see my parents today, but being very tired I don't want to get all upset.

CogitoEerilySpooky Wed 31-Oct-12 08:30:30

Go see your parents. Get upset. Get it out in the open and then it'll be more 'real', you can stop hoping he's coming back and that'll help you move on. Explain to DS that you are 'sad' for the same reason. Children know when something is wrong and lying to them achieves nothing. Get some sleep if you need it.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 31-Oct-12 10:04:54

When you've got children together and years invested, of course you want to give the guy chances, either until he finally gets it or until you are quite certain he never will. Giving him another chance was the right and decent thing IMO. Now he's blown even that one, you can let him go with a clear conscience.

Nightwish Wed 31-Oct-12 16:16:25

Decided to stay home and chill for the day.
Will go to my parents tomorrow.

Don't know if he is coming to get things after work so I don't know if I should pack anything.

Hesterton Wed 31-Oct-12 18:34:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nightwish Wed 31-Oct-12 19:56:49

There is only one way he will slither back in and that is if I let him, which I can't do this time.

He came to collect things, and I tried to talk to him through tears, probably looking like a complete idiot.
I wasn't as strong as I should have been but he was an arse so proved why I need to do this.

Called my parents and my dad came over to give me a hug.
Spending the day with my mum tomorrow, she is buying me lunch I think.

But hell this is hard.
He has been an arse yet I am so still upset.

CogitoEerilySpooky Thu 01-Nov-12 08:18:09

Finishing any relationship - however awful it was - is always upsetting. When you realise you've wasted years on an arse, that's upsetting. When you think back at the optimistic start to the relationship... all those hopes and dreams for a happy life together... that's upsetting. However, if you've taken control and taken the lead, the upset won't be as long-lasting as if it was the other way around. Good luck

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