This is long, sorry.
Some background: I am an only child and my parents live in another country. DH and I have been to see them for long weekends about 7-8 times in the last three years; generally they come to us for a a week to ten days every six months instead as they're retired. DH and I have recently moved and now feel that we're settled in one place. His sister lives near our new home (his brother has emigrated) and as a result of us moving and DSIL announcing she's pregnant his parents are intending to move here; they've put their house on the market.
As a result of this my parents are now talking about moving too, which would be great from our perspective as they'd be able to see their (as yet unconceived) grandchildren and caring for them as they get older would be easier. But there is a problem. Their house.
I went to visit this weekend as my dad has been in hospital and I feel rather as though a light's been switched on in my brain. My parents have always been 'untidy' but at some point in the last ten years they've crossed the line into full-blown hoarding. They live in a large (4-bed) house of which maybe three rooms are useable. The rest are filled with... stuff. All sorts of stuff. Their animals can get into the rooms which they can't, with predictable and squalid results.
I don't know how they think they are going to sell it (and there is no way they can move without doing so), but have a horrible suspicion that their plan involves me, my time and my money. I have tried again and again over the years to help them clear up (I realise now from reading about hoarding that this was always futile) and mentally I am done ? I can't contemplate helping them with it any more. But there is nobody else. Meanwhile my mum is merrily prattling about how they'll need a 3-bed house when they move, not realising that with the difference in markets and the extent to which they've devalued their current home she'll be lucky to afford anything.
I feel like I need to say something. Apart from the house sale issue, if they don't move or the new house ends up exactly the same there is no way those hypothetical grandchildren will be visiting them. But I don't know how to broach the subject or what to offer to do. And I suppose there is a big part of me that worries that it's just me being intolerant, even though I know that at a rational level living in a house that's 70% inaccessible and stinks of shit isn't really a valid lifestyle choice.
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I don't know what to do about my parents
Tricycletops · 30/10/2012 14:36
If you want to be practical and encourage them, then suggest that they get some estate agents around for a valuation. You can gently suggest that they may need to do some clearing and cleaning before they do this in order to get the best valuation they can. Find a few local companies on line and send their details.
You can then take the valuation and canvas some local estate agents to you to see what is within their budget locally. [I'm assuming they are of a generation that doesn't surf Rightmove as a hobby]. A dose of reality usually either parks the "we'll move to you" conversation or gets things moving in a more realistic manner.
After that Hotdamn says it like it is and as you say, you have tried to help often enough. Unfortunately, at some point you will have to deal with it as they become decrepit but by then, they will be living on the ground floor and too old to know that you have cleared out the top floor of their house while they were in hospital recuperating from a broken hip. 
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