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Dp is driving me mad but I don't know why

(6 Posts)
TheLateMrPamuk Tue 30-Oct-12 09:38:46

So dp has this habit and it is really starting to piss me off. He makes comments to the dc that I feel are sly and a bit of a dig at me. For example toddler dd has just walked into kitchen and said "I'm hungry" he said "me too, sweetheart but here isn't anything" cue dd crying and pointing to the bananas in the overfilled fruit bowl.
There is food in, I just haven't bought as much crap as usual as we are trying to budget.
Dd had eaten breakfast she just wanted a banana so why have to make a comment?
At weekends we take it in turns to sleep in, when it's his turn he gets left alone when it's mine you hear him downstairs sighing loudly to himself, or he will constantly come upstairs and if I ask to be left alone he gets all offended that I don't want him cuddling me while the dc kill each other downstairs. Or he just let's the dc come and bug me.
It sounds silly wrote down and when I try to explain to him why it bugs me it sounds ridiculous and then he ends up telling me I'm crazy and he wasn't making any comments.
He's just done it again while I was writing this by saying to himself I hate Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday confused. No explanation as to why but I think it is because it's payday Friday and we are on a tight budget until then.
He also makes me feel like I am walking on eggshells when the dc misbehave, I get a horrible churning feeling because it seems to stress him out a lot or he will have a go at me because of housework. He does loads but so do I, however he gets annoyed if I want to do it at my own pace or when we argue he will say vile things about me being lazy. All he wants to do is housework though he never wants to do anything with the dc or me. We went for a walk yesterday and he announced he would stay at home and clean. Then made me feel stupid for asking him to come.

I know this is disjointed and long, I'm rushing it in case he comes up but I could do with some advice.

CogitoEerilySpooky Tue 30-Oct-12 10:11:06

It is not nice living with someone who 'stresses out' about DCs misbehaving or thinks they are entitled to have a go at you about housework or saying 'vile things' about anything else. Sarcastic/silly comments about lack of food or hating days of the week because there's no money left are annoying. Sighing and sulking is childish. Calling you crazy for complaining is the act of someone trying to undermine your confidence. And you're worried in case he reads what you're writing? hmm

This is the person that is supposed to love and respect you above all others. If you don't feel loved and respected - if you feel 'on eggshells', stupid or nervous - then something is badly wrong. Stand up to him and don't let him bully you or make you feel inadequate. Face him down.

Katisha Tue 30-Oct-12 10:14:49

People like this get into a habit and it will likely get worse if you don't start calling him on it.

vintageviolets Tue 30-Oct-12 10:20:24

Can he manage to get any overtime at work to buy extra bits?

dequoisagitil Tue 30-Oct-12 11:05:05

He sounds awful.

Have you read any of the threads about emotional abuse? If you have, do you recognise any of the behaviours in him?

It's not stupid to want to have a family walk. It's not unfair not to want to be disturbed when you're supposedly having a lie-in hmm.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Tue 30-Oct-12 11:54:46

It doesn't sound like he respects you much: making snide comments about you indirectly in front of the DCs, ensuring you don't get a lie-in if he doesn't get one, calling you lazy...

When you say "DP is driving me mad but I don't know why", do you mean that you can't put your finger on why you feel mad, or you don't know why he behaves this way?

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