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Bit early but ....Bit of a problem in the bedroom

(18 Posts)
BattyFlaps Tue 30-Oct-12 09:11:38

Not sure if its a 'problem' really but its getting to me a bit.

DH and I have a brilliant sex life, really its fab. I mean sometimes we can go a while as we're tired but its always great.

We keep everything varied and have alot of fun together.

I really enjoy going down on him but (and heres the problem) I can't make him finish blush

We do it alot and I know he enjoys it, I know my technique is good and I'm not bored, I really like it, but we always either move onto sex or he 'takes' over to finish.

I know its not a massive thing but I feel kinda down about it as I'd like to be able to do for him what he does for me.

But then I can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation, which I end up contributing myself during sex most of the time. And its not an issue for me.

I'm not even sure if its an issue with him, but it is for me, I just start off thinking I'm gonna do it this time and it doesn't happen. I feel a bit of a failure in that department. I know he enjoys it but I want to bring him to climax myself.

I don't really know why I'm posting, I suppose because I can't say this to anyone in real life blush

And I'm not sure I could do any more than I do??

Guiltypleasures001 Tue 30-Oct-12 09:15:37

Morning hun, is your partner circumcised? I had one bf a few years ago who was, and was the only bf who I couldnt make come during a bj, it was infuriating for me as I pride my self on oral skills and can deep throat ( small stealth boast) have you tried half and half hand and mouth? does he come with just a hand job at all?

Have you asked him what you can do to get him there? if it is just a niggle in your mind I wouldnt pay it too much attention, but asking him is the first step.


BattyFlaps Tue 30-Oct-12 09:18:42

No , he's not.

Yea, I mix it up loads, nice and slippy, hands, mouth, balls, and deep blush God I am so not used to writing this sort of stuff, lol.

But I can tell he is really enjoying it but it just goes on until we either move onto sex or his hand takes over mine. Which I do like, but sometimes I'd like to do it myself?!

VoiceofUnreason Tue 30-Oct-12 09:18:47

There are probably three options:

1) Your skills aren't as good as you think they are.
2) He just doesn't like the thought of finishing in that way.
3) He actually can't come through that sort of stimulation, just as some women can't come without direct clitoral stimulation.

My vote is for number 3). You'd be surprised how many guys genuinely can't or very rarely do.

bulletwithspookybatwings Tue 30-Oct-12 09:20:20

My ex was like this, he was circumcised too.

lucyellenmum Tue 30-Oct-12 09:22:15

I very rarely orgasm without "helping" out and there comes a time when i HAVE to! if you know what i mean, the pressure just isn't enough with oral and then there is always the danger that he will stop right at the wrong moment, there gets a point where the pressure has to be pretty much constant, i would have thought that it would be the same for a man. I tend to finish my DP with my hands, id be quite happy for him to take over actually grin arm ache

BattyFlaps Tue 30-Oct-12 09:25:57

I think thats it lucy, i can see the issue from my point (hence me metioning i need to help myself along during sex, its not negative on him, its just the way my body works)

I think he just probaly needs a very fast rythem and its easier for him to do that than me?

Maybe I can suggest practising together? smile

karelomen Tue 30-Oct-12 09:29:15

I have had 2 boyfriends who have aid they enjoy it but they cant come because apparently as pleasurable as it is it doesnt make them ejaculate, I like anal stimulation (sorry) but it alone wouldnt make me come, dont worry about it, dont tell him youre frustrated about it because he will feel pressure to come and it will spoil his enjoyment.

BattyFlaps Tue 30-Oct-12 09:32:08

I just thought that karelomen, if i bring it up it might become an issue for him and feel pressure. I think I'll just have to accept it, I mean the result is the same so its not a problem really.

I just feel like I 'should' be able to do it.

Rachog Tue 30-Oct-12 09:32:37

My dp is circumsised, I didn't realised that made it harder.

I usually do all the little tricks, teasing etc first, a bit of slow deep then just settle into one hand and mouth just on the end, lots of lube, steady rhythm. It's mostly the hand doing the work but he gets to finish in the mouth.

MrsBucketxx Tue 30-Oct-12 09:40:20

with most guys its about rythym and pressure, use your hands and mouth iykwim. and keep going dont stop change what you are doing, and this will usually do the trick. they may be well on the way you change ( even slightly) and its back to square one.

also if you can get him to show you how he likes to be touched with your hands over his, note where his hand and finger position is and emulate with your hands and mouth.

have fun ;)

BattyFlaps Tue 30-Oct-12 09:47:52

Thanks MrsB,

reading that strikes a chord, maybe its partly in my head too? That I'm thinking its not going to happen anyways>?

And because I'm thinking 'its going to take a while' its hard for me to keep up that rythem?

It is hard to carry on, I mean getting the right positioning and armache, and the thing you said where 'one change and its back to square one' is spot on,

I suppose its the ridgid stamina towards the end I have to work on!

MrsBucketxx Tue 30-Oct-12 09:52:48

you can tell when they are close too, thry start to tense etc, thats when you must keep going,

jaw ache, arm ache, are part of the course im afraid.

pushitreallgood Tue 30-Oct-12 11:54:04

my dp needs a very fast action to get him there. in the early days i gave him a bj for nearly an hour before i gave up. now i have it down to a art form. also different positions have different affects. like if he is lying on his back in will often take longer but if he is knelling up he usually comes quicker as he can see everything so much more. also ball sucking while wanking off in that position. i find massively effective. makes him come super quickly. get him all sensitive first with a bit of play then suck him a bit then when he is all wet and slidy. grab a ball in your mouth and wank him off quickly, while gently playing with the ball with your tongue. 0 - come in about 3 mins if that. obviously everyone is different and likes different things but this has been a stable of mine for a while ;)

pushitreallgood Tue 30-Oct-12 11:56:46

also once you have a success you will become more confident you are not doing anything wrong and there really isnt anything wrong with moving on to sex etc. but it is fab that you want to do this for him. just take your time and really get to know what his cock likes.

CookieRookie Tue 30-Oct-12 12:11:27

I agree on a position where he sees more of you. It helps DH as does a finger up the bum but that's not everyone's cup of tea.

Talk to him. It doesn't have to be a matter of fact project discussion. Ask him whilst your doing it, make noise, use explicit language. Take breaks during instead of going hell for leather and tiring youself out completely. get him involved, he can wank and play with your mouth while your playing with his balls. Still fun but not as tiring.

DragonMamma Tue 30-Oct-12 12:23:14

Finger up the bum or rubbing the perineum works wonders here too. As well as getting creative with your hands, I have got the wanking him off with my thumb and forefinger and using the remaining 3 fingers to give his balls a squeeze down to an art form. The other hand is usually used to steady myself as I lose my sense of bearings.

Daddyshambles Tue 30-Oct-12 12:31:23

Best (only) way to finish a BJ for me is hand on the shaft, plenty of fast & firm action, lips/mouth stimulating the end. You can start with his hand on the shaft and your mouth on the end, once you see the speed & pressure he likes you can take over. If your mouth gets sore after a bit just lick the end while still wanking him. Eye contact is very sexy, as is talking - tell him you want him to come in your mouth etc (the difficult bit is saying it without sounding like a bad porn star!).

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