A little background. DH and I have been going through a very stressful time of late: both of us have been working long hours, I am under threat of redundancy, my dad has a terminal illness and altogether things are really shit. On top of this, DS isn't sleeping well and is pretty demanding, though lovely - he's not really at the age where he can grasp what's going on with my dad or with our jobs.
I'm kind of holding it together - not very well, but managing sort of OK. This weekend was a friend's 40th birthday which we'd both been looking forward to and was my first night out in ages. It was hosted at a pub with some food put out on the side rather than a sit down meal. ILs were babysitting and I assumed we'd be back around midnight.
DH has a couple of drinks and seems a bit tipsy, but nothing too bad. We both wander around the party catching up with our friends and I don't see him for an hour or so; then a friend comes alerts me that DH is now completely off his face. He's hanging off the birthday boy yelling 'you're my besht friend' in his ear, so I peel him off, say a brief goodbye and try to get him back to the train station, thinking the walk might sober him up.
Once we're outside he gets verbally agressive and suddenly starts weaving around dramatically. I manage to find a bench for him to sit on and he is violently sick several times. After about 10 minutes this gets worrying - he's brought up all the contents of his stomach and it doesn't seem to be improving matters, so I call an ambulance and get him to the hospital, where he passes out. Hospital think it's just a case of too much alcohol and he's a lightweight, since he doesn't drink regularly. Since the hospital understandably want him out as soon as possible, I stay with him, punctuated by frantic calls to ILs to explain the situation. He finally regains consciousness and gets out at 5am, and by the time we get home I manage to put him to bed before getting DS up and ready for nursery. I then go to work having had no sleep at all.
I am beyond livid. I am ready to give him hell, possibly (though I'm not decided about this yet) short of actually killing him, however I also have a nagging feeling that his physical reaction seemed very strong for the amount of time we were at the party and the amount he seemed to drink. If I was being extremely charitable I might say that it is possible he could have also eaten something dodgy, but the emotional side of me says that he acted like a twattish adolescent and I have no intention of forgiving him over this. He has mumbled a couple of times that he's really sorry and I just can't respond.
Since it's a once-off, I'm not calling Al-Anon yet, as I think it was probably extreme stupidity rather than a crutch. However, whenever I've had thoughts of really dragging him over the coals for this, I do get the nagging doubt that food might have been a factor and perhaps I should be more ready to accept his apology. (I didn't have any of the food myself as I just stuck to the birthday cake!)
Should I give him the benefit of the doubt, or give him seven shades of hell anyway?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Benefit of the doubt or should I just give him hell anyway?
8 replies
weltschmerz · 29/10/2012 16:56
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.