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Feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. Hand holding needed please.

(22 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 02:31:47

I've just split with my boyfriend. I know it's for the best as it was not working due to 'logistics'. The trouble is he said some things when were splitting that have hurt me to the core. A few months ago when we first got together he said he was crazy about me, he would do anything to make it work despite our obstacles, I was the best women we ever met and that he really missed me when we were apart. He was supposed to come and visit this half term and we had plans. We were both so excited and then he fucked up. I don't want to know why. I do know why and it's not another women. I can't talk about it here. But when we split up he said we didn't know each other, I loved him more than he loved me and he 'never said he loved me'. I know he never said he loved me but this is a complete stab in the heart. How can he be crazy about me etc and say this? It's contradictory and quite frankly cruel to say this to someone who is clearly besotted and distressed at splitting up. He didn't have to stick the knife in. I hurt so bad. I am also angry that he sucked me in after me saying that we had to be realistic about the chances of our relationship work despite our passion. We have been talking for months. We talk about everything and our mutual love of literature. We seemed to get on so well. There was a real warmth there. Mabe I don'r 'love' him but god I am crazy about him too even if it's an infatuation.He's the one who insisted we try . aggggrrrr. Can't sleep, chainsmoking, no appetite and holding it togethr for ds. I'm worried that this will tip me over the edge into depression. Kicking myself up the arse so that I don't. My mates are coming over tonight to eat the leg of lamb that I was going to cook for him. thay are going through break ups too so we will call ourselves the heartbreak club.

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 02:34:36

And I have to clarify that we spend a perfect week together at the beginning of our relationship before he had to leave for study so we really connected then. We have bothe siad that it was perfect and to hold onto that memory and that if circumstances were different we would be together. It was long distance that killed it and his fucking inability to sort out transport.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Mon 29-Oct-12 02:36:07

but even if there was real warmth there, there isn't now. i'm sure i sound unsympathetic but i will never understand people who want to be with people who don't want them. if he's not into you now, why torture yourself with some idea that he was in the past? where does it get you?

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Mon 29-Oct-12 02:36:58

seriously? his inability to sort out transport? if he'd wanted to, he would have done.

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 02:38:26

True. People change. I need to accept that. Thanks for the quick reply. Trouble is when one persons feelings change and the other remains constant there is the inevitable fall out. The day before he was due to come an dvisit we were both excited ...and nervous. He probably just freaked out. (sad)

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Mon 29-Oct-12 02:39:43

or he might have been dicking you around from the start, like he says.

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 02:41:22

We had the transport sorted...and then his passport expired and he didn't realise. I know.. mabe a tall story but due to his initial distress and anguish at letting me down I believe him. It just got him thinking that the situation was unworkable as it would be another few months before he could afford another flight; well probably another 6 months actually as he's a student. I do think we have done the right thing as I was worried about the distance but it still hurts. We can't spend all our money on flights when we have to survive at home. Hand holding needed by the way . I don't want to be kicked whilst down.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Mon 29-Oct-12 02:42:03

can i ask why your feelings remain constant, though? really and truly, when someone says horrible things to you and treats you badly, do you still love them? i've just never got that, i must say. it's deeply unsexy to me if a man is being cruel or naff, i just go right off them.

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 02:42:54

Thanks Aitch. I know your trying to put me in the picture but I know when someone is dicking me around and when someone is trying to work things out but it just dosn't work. Well I have been dicked around now but like I said..hand holding please.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Mon 29-Oct-12 02:44:30

i'm off, then, sorry. i don't get these situations, i can't hold hands for this, i just believe that if two people both want to be together, they will be. and if only one wants it, then everyone's in the wrong relationship.

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 02:44:57

I know. It has ruined things between us and I don't know if I do love him any more but even so when love ends it's crap. I know I will feel better in a few days and after a few more fags. Just going for a quick fag then will be back. I know your trying to talk some good old fashioned mn sense into me but I'm over sensitive. In a week or two I will hopefully be back on track.. A bit raw now. So he was being horrid wasn't he? I'm far too nice.

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 02:46:28

And your right. He's not worth loosing sleep over.

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 02:47:50

When will I ever learn..

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Mon 29-Oct-12 02:49:16

it's not that, lose sleep over him by all means, he's clearly freaked you out with his shitty behaviour.

but it's why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? it's not an attractive quality in a man, as far as i'm concerned. wink

MrsHelsBels74 Mon 29-Oct-12 02:51:09

I'm sorry you're feeling so upset over this. I can't offer any practical advice other than you will get over this, but I'll hold your hand in the meantime.

tallwivglasses Mon 29-Oct-12 02:56:16

Oh sweetheart I've been in your shoes. It may seem impossible but things will get better. You may even wonder in years to come what you saw in the dick. Til then, wine (but not too much x)

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 02:56:38

Thanks guys. I'm off to bed. Much apprechiated. x

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 07:14:09

Hi all. Just had a good night sleep. The thing is Aitch is that he wanted to try to make it work but then decided that he couldn't make the sacrifice as he needs to complete his course and PHD. I don't blame him at all. There is noway I'd want anyone to give up their studies for me as it's his intelligence I found attractive in the first place. I think it's just the way he handled the situation and the 'we don't know each other' and 'I never said I love you' comments that hurt. An element of truth but soooo tactless. Oh well. I am looking foward to roast lamb with my mates tonight plus booze and dvd.My girl friends are ace!

ledkr Mon 29-Oct-12 07:25:43

Sweetie it's horrible and you will feel crap for weeks but we've all been there and survived. Don't waste your time thinking it over though if he wanted to be with you he'd have moved the earth to do so.
Concentrate on moving on and forgetting about him,don't look back it is what it is.
I hope the next one is better ha ha

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 08:29:04

I think the shite insensitive things that he said when we split up are a true reflction of his personality and actually I can see he is right; we don't know each other.

superstarheartbreaker Mon 29-Oct-12 21:18:09

I know this sounds self indulgent but I always feel like I'm the one who men are not prepared to make the sacrifice for. I'm always the one who is ok for now but never quite special, shiny, young or pretty enough. The one before the one and tbh I have had enough of feeling like a go between. This guy was absoluetely georgeous; physically scrumptious and intelligent to boot. I now feel like I am going to have to settle for some nice but portly man who I don't really fancy or have anything in common with but with represent 'stablity' and 'common sense' when really what I want is fancying the pants off someone so much that we did it everywhere inclusing the sea, balcony, shower, bath etc and talked all night/. At least I had those 3 days of bliss and I'd rather have that then ten years of a mediocre marriage.

ledkr Mon 29-Oct-12 22:28:53

Not true trust me. After 2 heart breaks and feeling as you describe I am married to a serious hot hunk who is too good to be true I actually cannot criticise him in any way great dad husband lover etc and 6 yrs on we still have what you describe you had for 3 days so don't lose heart

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