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What is the decent thing to do?

(9 Posts)
Karizma Sun 28-Oct-12 14:12:10

I think I need to end my marriage. He has done nothing wrong....I just dont feel that love a woman should feel for her husband any more. How do I handle this? How do you tell somebody something that is going to break their heart and tear their beloved family apart? I feel evil. I just want to do it in the most decent way possible.

dequoisagitil Sun 28-Oct-12 14:16:26

Have you tried relationship counselling? Even if you're sure there's nothing to save, it can be helpful in making a split more amicable.

MushroomSoup Sun 28-Oct-12 14:17:12

If you only think you need it to end, maybe it's not the end, yet. Does he know how you feel? If it was me I'd want to walk away knowing I'd done everything I could to have saved it first.

MushroomSoup Sun 28-Oct-12 14:18:04

I'm not meaning you should stay - just wondering if you really feel it is time to end it.

Charbon Sun 28-Oct-12 14:54:29

It is your right to leave a relationship that is no longer meeting your needs and will not, in your judgement, ever meet them in the future.

But especially when children are involved, it makes sense to consider all the angles and to be absolutely sure of your decision.

So, how long have you been feeling like this and has anything external happened that have damaged your feelings for your husband? Have you met someone else who you think could make you happier or who is the object of a crush? Have you experienced a bereavement and feelings that life is too short? Has something about you changed i.e. your appearance or in your working life and career?

Karizma Sun 28-Oct-12 19:43:16

Thank you for your replies.

I have been feeling like this on and off for most of this year. We have been together for eleven years and have children. There ARE multiple 'external factors'. It has been a weird, stressful, revelatory year in many ways. I have strong feelings for another man but I not stupid enough to imagine that this will ead anywhere and I d not wish to leave my husband for anyone else. I just dont know if this marriage - or being married at all - is workable for me and I dint know how I am supposed to approach this. It is going t cause so much pain sad

Charbon Sun 28-Oct-12 21:21:46

When did you meet the other man and start to have feelings for him?

Achangeforthebetter Thu 01-Nov-12 14:27:50

Have you thought this through fully I think you need to give yourself a little more time before you jump out of one relationship into another

Talk to your husband and see where you want to be

The grass is not always greener and it takes two to tango and make things work

Good luck

Dahlen Thu 01-Nov-12 14:45:35

What you need to identify is whether something lacking in your relationship put you in a position where you allowed yourself to develop feelings for the OM, or whether the presence of the OM encouraged you to start feeling worse about your marriage. If the latter, ending the marriage is probably something you'd come to regret, even if you don't actually pursue OM and feel you will behave with integrity.

If the former, you may be able to save your marriage depending on what caused you to feel that your relationship is lacking in some way. When you say you don't feel the sort of love that a woman should feel for her husband anymore, what do you mean? That you don't fancy him anymore? That he bores you rigid? That you have nothing in common anymore and lead separate lives?

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