Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Attracted to a male friend.

(36 Posts)
CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis Sun 28-Oct-12 11:15:55

I'm known this man on and off for many years, but I was always in a relationship. We'd lost contact a few years ago. We has a bit of a drunken kiss and a cuddle when we were teenagers.

Six months ago I split up with my ex (who is also friends with this friend of mine). A couple of months later, the friend added me on facebook. We've been seeing each other every weekend practically for the past six weeks, alone. Usually going over to each others house for dinner, walks in the country etc. He's definitely not gay.

I fancy the pants off him but we've not so much as kissed.

He, like me, can be a bit shy and has a slight stammer. We do finish sentences for each other some times!

We've snuggled up on the sofa under a blanket to watch a DVD, but nothing else.

He's 'just not that into me', isn't he?

sad

scottishmummy Sun 28-Oct-12 11:25:36

tbh,6weeks in is a bit early to be thinking relationship.maybe he likes you platonically and that is actually fantastic.a good platonic friend is fun,useful,suppotive.

obviously only you can tell if there is chemistry or he inti you,and if there isa reciprocated attraction

but why does it need to progress to physical?

he might not want to get it n with a mates ex girlfriend.this man may think it slightly icky to boff a mates ex. you have no idea how the ex described you to him as a girlfriend. this man may like you platonically but have been warned youre a bunny boiler

CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis Sun 28-Oct-12 11:30:32

Hardly - I threw the ex out!

scottishmummy Sun 28-Oct-12 11:37:24

hardly what?you have no idea whether your ex has described you as bunny boiler or not
maybe the pal doesnt want to get involved with his mates ex.maybe he does?
just got to see how it pans out,and decide if you want to make move or disclose feelings

CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis Sun 28-Oct-12 11:41:13

Hardly a bunny boiler. I ended it with ex and cut him out. I thought 'bunny boiler' meant mad, stalker? The ex begged me to take him back.

scottishmummy Sun 28-Oct-12 11:49:56

you dont need to recount your relaxation history,
all im saying is you dont yet know the hearsay this man may or may not have heard
and if hes not into you you still have a god pal

scottishmummy Sun 28-Oct-12 11:52:59

soon be xmas,mistletoe and all that love is all around festive spirit
plenty freinds do become lovers,and it works in varying degrees
the rub is reading the signal and making sure its reciprocated before putting self out there.this may take time

Conflugenglugen Sun 28-Oct-12 13:37:30

Can you not just ask him?

PanonHigh Sun 28-Oct-12 13:49:58

I'd get round to the 'moving it on' bit sooner rather than later. He will def. get into the habit of seeing you as nothing more than a 'friend' if you keep on behaving like one. And that mind set may take a bit to shift.

scottishmummy Sun 28-Oct-12 13:53:03

well id try gently get a clie and if hes into you,youre on
if hes not hopefully still got a pal

mrkidd85 Sun 28-Oct-12 14:10:18

If he's spending a lot of time with you like you say, it's quite likely that he does see you in a more than friendship way. However, there may be a few reasons why he hasn't made a move.

1. He might be thinking the same as you, and be worried that if he does try something, it could put your friendship in jeopardy. Women usually react differently to men if this kind of thing happens, and if he made a move and you weren't interested in anything more, it would be likely to affect your friendship completely.

2. Loyalty to his friend. I don't know how long you were with his mate for, but he might not want to make a move because of this.

Talk to him about things and put your cards on the table. It might be something special if you give it a go, but you'll never know unless you try.

CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis Sun 28-Oct-12 19:28:22

I'd love to tell him. Nearly have a few times. I was with my ex for five years, however I knew this friend long, long before. Not sure if that makes any difference.

I'm just scared I'll lose a good mate.

We do however, have a very close friend in common. May have to ask her some probing questions.

Why isn't this ever simple?

Maybe I'll fill him with booze and see what happens?

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Sun 28-Oct-12 19:30:11

you are both single ?

just snog him, fgs

CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis Sun 28-Oct-12 19:33:49

Then I might lose a mate!

Believe you me, I've wanted too. I've always been nicely moisturised, trimmed, nice undies when I've seen him to give you the idea.

I'm very, very shy in real life. I have a stammer which causes me to either get jumbled up while speaking or talk like a machine gun to 'beat' the stammer.

TalesFromTheCryptoFascist Sun 28-Oct-12 19:40:17

Yes indeed! Booze, a funny film for all the feelgood pheromones, and if you daren't go in for a snog, then grab his hand/put your hand on his thigh and give him the "snog me now" look! You'll know from his reaction....

Lavenderhoney Sun 28-Oct-12 19:44:19

Don't discuss with a friend! Becomes too excruciating with another involved IMO. ESP if you ask her to ask him etc.

Can't you go to a nightclub? Or a dinner and walk home holding hands? Why not rock up with a bottle of champagne and get a bit hammered and say gosh you are so handsome... Whilst he is getting something from the fridge - gives him time to respond/panic and you can turn it either way. Or ask him outright whilst bounyed up on the fizz.

If he isn't interested, at least you will know and can laugh, and say oh well, let's help each other then find someone and stop wasting time sitting at his place.

CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis Sun 28-Oct-12 19:54:21

What I really want to do, is answer the door to him wearing my best posh undies and a smile.

That or just shout "OH FOR GODS SAKE SHAG ME!!!"

Not the sort of thing you can get away with in your thirties...

Lavenderhoney Sun 28-Oct-12 20:01:27

Yes it is (wink) oh my illicit past...

however I would do the champagne thing and say ' I really wanted to open the door etc ' but thought you might not be that into me...

CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis Sun 28-Oct-12 20:03:06

You lot may be talking me into some very bad behavior...

Lavenderhoney Sun 28-Oct-12 20:03:52

When are you seeing him next? ( nosy)

CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis Sun 28-Oct-12 20:07:05

If my kitchen is up and running (long story) he's either coming for Sunday dinner or a late Saturday night supper next weekend. He's been very good to me (nice food, lifts to places etc) lately so I owe him something nice.

desparatelyseekingsomething Sun 28-Oct-12 20:10:43

Why not get him there in the evening, offer him wine and suggest that he stays over "on the sofa" then see if he appears to want to use the sofa?

Lavenderhoney Sun 28-Oct-12 20:18:25

Saturday night, kitchen ready or not! You can order in if it's a drama or get something to warm up in the microwave? Wouldn't mention sofas myself, just say come for sat night, and let's make a night of it... I have nothing planned for sunday. Then yes, get out your fancy underwear and lbd/ skirt and top plus heels and even if he arrives in shorts and a t shirt, doesn't matter...

Sunday Lunch is a non starter for seduction.

CanAnybodyMakeSenseofThis Sun 28-Oct-12 20:23:29

You're right about the Sunday lunch I think.

Sexy evening meal ideas please? Both big meat eating, foodie types. I'm also a very good cook, so can be difficult.

scottishmummy Sun 28-Oct-12 21:23:27

finger foods you feed him,mussels to pass him,easy to eat sharing foods
if youre going to make pass,good luck
and if its not a goer hopefully he still a pal

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now