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Married but happier on my own

(4 Posts)
NannyPlumBum Sat 27-Oct-12 21:53:47

Ok so DH and I have had our many problems. He drinks, he goes out, a lot, we have two young DC.
I left with the DC, he promised to change as always, we came back, the DC are happier here above anywhere else - that's why I came back.

I'm doing it for the DC. I'm not denying it. He knows. Everyone knows.
I don't stop him from going out... But I'm finding I actually prefer it when he does.

But the DC are happy, and that makes me happy.. Honestly... I don't need him or anyone else (besides DC) to be happy - is this weird??
Maybe it won't last, this feeling...

Of course I still resent him, sometimes I think I don't even really like him all that much

I don't know what I'm asking here, if anything, maybe just if there's anyone else staying together successfully for the children?
I'm not saying its right, but it's working for us, so far anyway

Mollydoggerson Sat 27-Oct-12 21:59:13

I think it works for alot of people, and who is anyone to judge, if it is working for you, then it is working for you and only you can judge that.

Obviously there are perks, less upheaval for kids, less expensive than running two homes, no arguing about access and maintenance.

I also think/hope that relationships can go through cycles where you can fall in and out of love with one another. so if you are happy then I don't see any reason not to go with the flow.

ATourchOfInsanity Sat 27-Oct-12 22:05:49

I wasn't married but can categorically state I am happier on my own. By far. I haven't had a decent man, to be fair, but all of the ones I have lived with made me miserable some way or another. My life is a lot fuller and calmer without them! You know what is best for you. It has made me stronger and more independent being on my own, but it isn't easy with a child. So if you do decide to go it alone, keep things good with your ex. I have yet to meet a man who enriches my life, rather than chips away at it, but I do still hope to, one day.

I honestly didn't think it was worth staying together for the sake of the child. It was far worse in my opinion to see a mother treated badly and for her to be third best behind his alcohol issues and work. That was my story though and I can see this is different as it looks that the two of you have grown apart. If you feel you will be a better mother alone, then maybe you need to really check that side out. Can you offer him a week off with the lads or something and check you really can do it all alone? Not saying you can't, but the odd day/weekend is different from a full time single parent. Plus it gives you time to think without him distracting you and leaving his washing and mess around the house etc

Could you have an honest chat with him or will it all blow up?

NannyPlumBum Sat 27-Oct-12 22:23:21

Well I basically do it all on my own anyway, my main reason for leaving. His lack of presence was impacting on the children, ie he didn't do anything with them. He is better now. Does a lot more with them. Which is why I'm here.
I left for a good few weeks, no doubt I can do it on my own, I am already to a certain extent - he plays with them, takes DD swimming, out to places, once DS is older he will take him out more too... - but as for the real stuff, the routine, feeding, bathing, homework for DD, discipline, everything - it's all me, and I accept that.

He's never going to be this amazing hands on husband and father who gets up at 7am to do their breakfast... Half the time I feel like what I say to him isn't even heard or listened to...
But - its not impacting on the DC. If it begins to, I will do something about it.
They don't expect any more from him, they love him, they love it when he plays with them or takes them out.. They are happy here in our home

It's hard, because some family are totally against me coming back to him. Some have fallen out with me big time over it.
But in all honesty, I don't think he affects me that much anymore.

Which is sad, I guess

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