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Can you go back?

(4 Posts)
TakingBackMonday Sat 27-Oct-12 15:37:22

I don't really know why I am writing this aside a combination of interest and procrastination.

I was with xDP for nearly 2 years ending a year and a half ago. I am early-mid 20s, he is early 30s.

We split for a number of reasons on both sides, the blame probably lying mostly on mine; in short, I was very young, I still am I guess but dear Jesus losing your love and best friend puts things in perspective, and just didn't have the strength of mind or character to handle a longterm relationship. I ended up cheating on him bedcause I thought he was doing similar (he wasnt) and I felt alone (he has a tendency to become emotionally distant when focussed on other things). I have spent a lot of time, energy, tears, therapy working out why I did that and am at a point where I am entirely certain i wouldn't to anyone, let alone him.

Again, a v long story short, we have been back in touch on and off over past few months and it has never left my mind that I love this person more than I thought love even meant. He is without a doubt my best friend, strongest supporter, favourite person because he makes me laugh at everything and understands everything I am. In turn, I utterly adore him, I have finally grown past hating myself for my former actions but have gotten to a stronger place where I would never repeat them, no one on the planet I have ever met has ever made me laugh, smile, feel safe, feel happy... anything like he did and does.

It has gotten to a point where I am going to see him next weekend after a lot of speaking and we may well have another chance. I miss my best friend and as much as I hate the term I consider him my soul mate, we are almost telepathic and could spend days or weeks or months or years lost in eachother. There was never any abuse on either side, we lived together for a year before we broke up and never even bickered until the last two months when it fell apart. I love him, entirely, for his faults, for what and who he is. I am almost certain he feels the same.

But my friends and family saw the emotional wreck I became when we broke up and are incredibly wary; my father in particular. I guess what I am asking is can you both grow as people, work out what hte problems were and do your best to fix them, to make it work long term? All evidence on the whole points to no but despite us both getting on with our lives v happily we both feel a void that can only be filled by each other, not just love or a partner.

Sorry for rambling.


Conflugenglugen Sat 27-Oct-12 15:45:24

Yes, I think in some situations a relationship can be re-established, and for the better, but it depends entirely on both people having been able to have a good look at themselves and the relationship - which you seem to have done.

But emphasis needs to be on moving forward, not going back. If it is going to work, it cannot be the same relationship you used to have.

Charbon Sat 27-Oct-12 17:36:53

How did you meet OP?

Why is your father so wary?

Did your ex end the relationship solely because you were unfaithful?

How did he treat you at the time of the split?

What's your ex's relationship history?

LineRunner Sat 27-Oct-12 17:47:04

But you say he has a tendency to become emotionally distant. Either he does, and you have an issue there; or he doesn't, and it's your perception, and you have an issue there.

The last time you acted on this issue you had an affair.

I think you really need to understand this 'emotional distance' a lot, lot better - whether it exists at all, your reactions to it, and as Conflug says, how you look ahead to your future.

Good luck - you sound like you've been through the wringer, both of you.

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