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Am I crazy for even thinking there's hope? Pls help!

(5 Posts)
anxious80 Fri 26-Oct-12 17:41:41

Bit of background history: ex and I split up when my son was 6 months. I had bad pnd. We lived apart but still saw eachother for a year.
We then decided to move back in together a yr ago. Things were up and down but I was resolved to stick at it and make things work. He moved out a month ago. Things turned v bitter, his family got involved (were vile to me) and he said he had no faith in the relationship. Our son is 2 1/2. I've had a lot of personal / family issues and he's not been there for me as is emotionally unstable himself and has bi-polar. Towards end things got ugly as I got panicky and anxious as he rejected me and we had huge blow outs. We also had huge financial stress as his self-employed work is v fluctual and I've struggled to get work. So he was working from home and friction built up. I would often go to him for support but he couldn't give it to me.
I went into sleep-deprived, panic, anxious mode and just tried to keep mega busy first few weeks.
Problem is that now I'm so caught up with the lonliness and sadness regarding the break down of relationship. I don't currently feel the angerness / bitterness I did at first. Now it's just plain sadness and regret...
We had a prob sleeping together as he moves non-stop and snores so were in separate rooms to sleep for majority of the year - and I realise that played an enormous part in break-down. Intimacy was hard to get back on track. & resentment built up as a reult. & I'm starting to think that's main reason I felt rejected and started to panic so much.
Am I just living in past or am I right to feel I need to convince him that things could work? He says we don't work under same roof but I think if circumstances did change we could. Desperate to be a family again... I'm sooo confused and down sad

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Oct-12 17:53:16

A working definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same action and expecting a different outcome. If you're the type of person who needs support you will not get it from someone who is emotionally unstable and has a vile family. It's not the same as rejection. It didn't work 2 years ago, it doesn't work now and chances are it will never work. I think when he says you can't live under the same roof he's hit the nail on the head. If you had zero financial stress, zero emotional instability, zero snoring, zero personal/family issues..... maybe. But it's a bloody big 'if'.

Rather than waste any more of your life hoping for him or other things to change focus instead on yourself. If you think you may be depressed talk to your GP perhaps. If you're sad about the break-up and have regrets talk to your friends, find things to occupy your day and treat yourself kindly. Above all, accept that you are now independent, that you and DS are a proper family and make the most of your life.

anxious80 Sat 27-Oct-12 21:13:34

I know wll of this but CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM AND WHAT HE'S DOING. Arrrggghhhh - driving me mad.... How do people cope with it? At my wits end....

dequoisagitil Sat 27-Oct-12 21:16:13

That's obsessive thinking, not love 'tho.

CogitoEerilySpooky Sun 28-Oct-12 06:54:14

"How do people cope with it?"

You cannot stop thinking but, if you fill your days constructively and make a conscious effort to be as busy as possible you will find you have less time to obsess than if you have nothing to do but stare at blank walls.

Drop communication for all but essentials because it's difficult to get something out of your mind when there are constant triggers. Means no checking up on FB, texting, e-mailing or accidentally ending up in places where you know he might be. Make plans for the future and how you are going to make the most of being independent. He is not part of your future.

If you tend to be panicky, anxious, can't sleep and so on and you are now adding this level of obsession then really do see your GP.

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