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Sleeping with someone you hate...

(30 Posts)
VeryProbablyStupid Fri 26-Oct-12 15:10:57

Its clearly a bad idea yes?

I have just started sleeping with ExP, even though we really do not get on and haven't been able to have a conversation for three years.

We are both single, we used to have excellent sex (pretty much the only good thing in our entire history) and somehow the other night we bumped into eachother and it happened.

Now, I cant see this ending well... Is it possible to just truly be 'friends with benefits' or whatever people call it now? Obviously things are hugely complicated by the fact we have a child together.

anastaisia Fri 26-Oct-12 15:15:28

I think you can have workable 'friends with benefits' situations.

I don't think you have a friends with benefits situation though. You have a romantic history. You use the word hate and not being able to have a conversation for years implies you aren't able to communicate openly and honestly. You have a child. That's not friends without any complications who happen to sometimes sleep together but aren't in an exclusive relationship.

NatashaBee Fri 26-Oct-12 15:19:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WiseKneeHairStandingOnEnd Fri 26-Oct-12 15:21:29

I think you can have a friends with benefits situation that works.
However, not with someone you hate.

You are right, this isn't going to end well.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 26-Oct-12 15:23:39

Very messy indeed OP. Your child will end up being very confused.

VeryProbablyStupid Fri 26-Oct-12 15:24:15

Hmm, I thought as much.

I am already dreading ending it. We literally have not spoken. Very sordid.

VeryProbablyStupid Fri 26-Oct-12 15:25:01

And DS will never know, thats not an issue.

Fairylea Fri 26-Oct-12 15:25:24

Nope. Not in this situation.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Oct-12 15:39:52

Excellent sex gets very old, very quickly if you hate someone... and it'll be yourself you end up hating.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 26-Oct-12 15:44:55

You haven't spoken? Does he not have access? How old is your child OP?

janelikesjam Fri 26-Oct-12 15:46:42

Why did you split up?

VeryProbablyStupid Sat 27-Oct-12 08:45:44

DS is 2.5. ExP has access, once hours a week. Everything has been handled by our solicitors and we don't speak when handing over DS.

We split up when I got pregnant because he was/is pretty immature and I didnt think him being around would bring out the best in me. Our relationship was never serious, more of a sex/arguing thing.

VeryProbablyStupid Sat 27-Oct-12 08:46:08

Thats meant to say once a week for a few hours btw..

MushroomSoup Sat 27-Oct-12 08:50:23

You're a bloody idiot.

fuckwittery Sat 27-Oct-12 09:00:08

I just can't even contemplate having sex with someone I hate! This is going to be sooooo complicated.

YerMaw1989 Sat 27-Oct-12 09:02:34

sounds like a bad soap storyline, I wouldn't tbh.

VeryProbablyStupid Sat 27-Oct-12 15:49:43

wow mushroom soup, dont mince your words..

lolaflores Sat 27-Oct-12 15:55:30

have some self respect. there are lots of other men out there to have lovely sex with and perhaps a conversation.
Drop kick him once and for all

anxious80 Sat 27-Oct-12 20:53:23

I understand completely how this can happen. Been there myself. It's really hard having to see him every week even if it is fleetingly. & lonliness and longing are very hard to deal with.
When u say 'hate' do u mean love / hate up and down feelings?
As I can relate to this.
How did it make u feel afterwards? Did u long to spend more time together or was it just a 'fix'??

RandomMess Sat 27-Oct-12 20:56:56

The opposite of love is indifference. That aside it doesn't sound like a good idea, but if you're not talking then surely he isn't going to be expecting it to become a regular thing?

SomersetONeil Sat 27-Oct-12 21:01:06

Yes, you can have friends with benefits.

But no, not with someone you don't actually like and have a child with. But you know that, right?

MushroomSoup Sat 27-Oct-12 21:02:19

Sorry to be blunt but JEEZE you know you're being an idiot!

pictish Sat 27-Oct-12 21:04:02

It will all end in tears. Everyone's.

vampirestakeknickers Sat 27-Oct-12 21:08:07

This is reading like the plot of a particularly bad M&B. Was the sex good enough to risk doing it again OP? If you're posting on here asking us, it probably wasn't!

lucyellenmum Sat 27-Oct-12 21:11:03

He isn't a friend with benefits if he isn't your friend! Get some self respect. He has one hours access to your son? Is there a reason for this?

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