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H still blanking me completely after nearly 4 weeks .... he must really think I am worth less than nothing??

(101 Posts)
feelokaboutit Fri 26-Oct-12 08:21:01

This is my original thread describing what happened thread.

Is it possible that I deserve this behaviour because he is so upset?????

Don't really think I can carry on in this fashion.

PosieParker Fri 26-Oct-12 08:22:40

Wow, what a controlling man. Noone deserves this behaviour. I think you should leave or ask him to. This is your life.

Really sorry.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Fri 26-Oct-12 08:26:24

Tell him to leave if he is so adamant you are not worthy of His Majesty's time and attention

raskolnikov Fri 26-Oct-12 08:34:08

You can't carry on like this OP - this controlling behaviour must be unbearable. I watched it happen in my X's family - weeks of sulking followed by reluctance to communicate properly.

You don't need this stupidity. If he can't behave like an adult, tell him to go. It is absolutely not your fault and not something you deserve - if you've been honest at counselling and you've voiced your thoughts, then its his problem if he can't handle it. He needs to address that himself. Try some sessions on your own - it'll help you find a way forward.

fiventhree Fri 26-Oct-12 08:37:03

I remember your thread. He is DETERMINED to be in charge. He simply doesnt want an adult, equal relationship.

Ask yourself, how many threads do you need to put up over the next year detailing 4-6 week episodes of being completely blanked for resisting him? ie how many, before you realise that this isnt a life.

Counselling has clearly made no difference to his basic levels of responsibility.

And also, he is a baby.

diddl Fri 26-Oct-12 08:50:18

That is ridiculous.

My husband & I had a bad argument once & I called him a "sanctimonious bastard"-then we looked at each other & burst out laughing!

If he had thought that that was worth ignoring me over I would have thought that he was a childish twat.

How does anyone deserve to be ignored in their own home because of an argument?

What a controlling bully.

izzywizzyisbizzy Fri 26-Oct-12 08:56:35

You absolutely don't deserve this.

expatinscotland Fri 26-Oct-12 09:01:11

I saw your original thread, too. You're in counselling. He is still behaving this.

OP, I'm sorry, but this relationship is over.

You need to start making plans to leave now.

SirSugar Fri 26-Oct-12 09:15:44

I think I would be calling time on this; life is too short.

Snazzyspookyandscary Fri 26-Oct-12 09:18:23

Seriously, 4 weeks on? That's just not normal. And no, you don't deserve it. Go or tell him to go. Say you have had enough of being treated like shit.

SirSugar Fri 26-Oct-12 09:23:25

Out of interest OP, what usually happens when he deigns to finish your period of ostracism? Is it because you have shown him compliance with his wishes or his requirements of you outstrip his desire to shun?

AlmostAHipster Fri 26-Oct-12 09:24:48

Don't put up with this shit. Tell him to cock off, the childish fuckwit!

lucyellenmum Fri 26-Oct-12 09:29:31

And what does he hope to achieve by this pathetic behaviour? Its time to call it a day. Fuck that.

feelokaboutit Fri 26-Oct-12 09:29:46

In the past it has been me who has had to break the ice by approaching him, possibly in bed. This time a. I don't think this is possible any more and b. I don't want to do it. He is definitely very hurt by the things that I said and I am not saying that we both haven't done damage to our "relationship" but even so... I think his ego is so unbelievably fragile that he cannot function in any other way.

SirSugar Fri 26-Oct-12 09:30:25

Ostracising, shunning, sending someone to conventry are all punishment techniques used to bring a person back into line with requirements of the social majority. Your H knows this.

It will happen again if this episode passes; and I'm guessing that there is a pattern to the way it resolves?

lucyellenmum Fri 26-Oct-12 09:32:52

"In the past it has been me who has had to break the ice by approaching him, possibly in bed." sad You know what, this is nothing about him having a fragile ego, there is nothing fragile about his ego believe me! He is just a manipulative and abusing cunt - isn't the general consensus never to have counselling with an abuser, these people are clever and he has already manipulated things to make you think that you have damaged the relationship too!

Just tell him to go, the children don't need to live in this atmosphere it is doing them lasting damage.

SirSugar Fri 26-Oct-12 09:32:58

x posts OP.

If you approach him in bed is it usually premptive to sex, can I safely assume you don't have any sexual contact during these bouts

SirSugar Fri 26-Oct-12 09:34:35

I've got to go to work- will come back later

feelokaboutit Fri 26-Oct-12 09:35:23

No we don't. In fact we have been very distant for a long time, sleeping in different rooms and only occasionally sleeping together. There are many ins and outs to our sad relationship, too much to go into here!

oldwomaninashoe Fri 26-Oct-12 09:39:55

OP what did you say to him that was so dreadful?
Have you apologised?
If you have apologised and he is still behaving this way, I would just give up and call it a day!

LookBehindYou Fri 26-Oct-12 09:41:55

Blanking is a form of control. It's bullying. Leave him. This doesn't sound like a nice relationship at all. Be brave.

fluffiphlox Fri 26-Oct-12 09:44:13

I cannot think of one good reason why you or anybody should put up with this nonsense.

pictish Fri 26-Oct-12 09:45:06

Well to me, if it's seperate rooms, and periods of sulking lasting weeks on his part, then it's done and over with already.

There is no obligation to accept sulking to that scale, as in any way tolerable, reasonable or understandable.

His behaviour is very poor. You have not caused it. You deserve and should expect so much more from life.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Fri 26-Oct-12 09:54:57

Please don't give this inadequate man a BJ to get him to give you any basic courtesy

ScrambledSmegsEvilTwin Fri 26-Oct-12 09:58:06

It doesn't sound like a relationship any more. Are you going to counselling because you think there's something worth salvaging, or is it because you thought it was the right thing to do?

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