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Said he won't marry me

(62 Posts)
riamay2011 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:05:23

Last night my partner had a few to drink and as they always say the truth comes out after a few.
You may remember me from last week how he said the 5k that my dad was giving us wasn't enough for our wedding...
Anyway, we got talking and he said he doesn't want to marry me and the fact that he is still married and not even thought about getting divorced is not a big deal as it is just a piece of paper despite me having his 2 babies!
He also said he wasn't prepared to marry me until I have made him happy and he is satisfied
I am very upset and made me re think our whole relationship.
Is it worth it? What would u girls say?

Yokel Thu 25-Oct-12 17:06:36

'He also said he wasn't prepared to marry me until I have made him happy'

Wow. Too right you should be having a 'rethink'! What an arse.

riamay2011 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:06:40

May I add we have been together for 4 years. He is nearly 30 and I am 26

Elec Thu 25-Oct-12 17:07:18

On the face of it, he sounds like a prick. Why did his first marriage end? Did he behave badly and now he is repeating the behaviour with you?

DuelingFanjo Thu 25-Oct-12 17:07:24

I would say tell him to piss right off.

riamay2011 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:07:59

Plus he expects me to buy a house with him where my name is NOT on it as he says he will be getting the mortgage with his dad.....I don't fully understand mortgages but I don't agree with my name not being on plus us not being married!!
It scares me a lot

KatieScarlett2833 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:08:05

Goodbye to him then

Let him find another mug to "make him happy"

You can do much better OP

riamay2011 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:08:50

He says it was "arranged" and that he is too "lazy" to get a divorce despite him knowing how I feel angry

riamay2011 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:10:12

He says he left me for her. We were together 2 years before he told his parents about me 2 weeks before giving birth to our first DD and I met them when she was one day old when I was lying in a hospital bed high on drugs after my c section sad

riamay2011 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:11:35

I have only known his family just over a year. We were engaged before babies came along I only found out he was married when I was heavily pregnant. sad felt lost
2nd DD came as a surprise wasn't planned at all trust me!

Doha Thu 25-Oct-12 17:12:54

He is a wanker, tosspot bellend knob arsewipe etc

I would have thought you would have seen his true colours after the weekends escapade with your dad and the money for the wedding.

You have two kids to a man who really doesn't give a shit about you or his DC's.
You were good enough to marry when he thought your dad was putting up the money...surely you can see what he is ater.

He wont amrry you till you make him happy--orin other words until he sees what financial benefit is in it for him.

Do not buy a house or get a morgage with him. In fact

LEAVE THE BASTARD. both you and your Dc's deserve better. His ex wife is the lucky one

DuelingFanjo Thu 25-Oct-12 17:14:07

your previous threads say he has threatened to knock you out and that you do not get on.

Do not buy a house with this man.

Do you live with him?
You need to leave. Can you rely on the support of your father and the rest of your family?

riamay2011 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:14:25

I used to hate her but now I envy her sad

LineRunner Thu 25-Oct-12 17:14:44

I feel you have been conned, and I am sorry about that.

PosieParker Thu 25-Oct-12 17:15:13

Wow. He's a bigger wanker than we all thought.

PosieParker Thu 25-Oct-12 17:16:06

Are you and this guy the same culture and/or class? Just out of interest.

riamay2011 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:18:21

No I am half Spanish and he is Hindu

PosieParker Thu 25-Oct-12 17:20:02

I had thought as much, as he reluctance to introduce you to his family and his money ties with them and not you. I think I would be prepared for him to disappear and give you no money if you split.

I think you are worth more than this prick.

WinklyFriedChicken Thu 25-Oct-12 17:21:36

Sweetie I suggest you read back on all the threads you've started about this vile man, looking at them as if someone else had started them, and really really think about what you would say to that person.

He lied about being married
He groped you incessantly through your pregnancy
He hasn't supported you since your DD was born
He goes out til all hours of the night, every week, getting pissed
He's been so unbelievably rude about your dad
He called you a 'skank', a 'slag', and has told you before that he won't marry you

Frankly he's a worthless piece of shit and you would be far better off without. He will emotionally and financially ruin you if you give him half a chance. Do NOT move into a house in his sole name. Do NOT marry him!

riamay2011 Thu 25-Oct-12 17:26:22

Wow I didn't realise there were ladies who remember little me!
I have to say that before I got pregnant he was lovely then it changed. He can still
Be nice and we can have nice days!
Somedays I don't think about what's been said in the past then other days I look in the mirror and wonder why me? Does that make sense?
It means lot to talk to you lovely ladies
Thank you

Strawhatpirate Thu 25-Oct-12 17:34:59

Leave the piss taking bastard! Four years together and he can't be arsed to get divorced, I think not! I am so angry for you op, please get away from him. You are worth a billion of him.

HeinousHecate Thu 25-Oct-12 17:37:52

So you didn't leave him after he demonstrated you're his big old cash cow?

and now he's upping the stakes.

You have to make him happy?


I bet it involves a) money and b) subservience.

Honestly, pet, run for the hills. This man does not love you.

JustFabulous Thu 25-Oct-12 17:39:38

He has done you the biggest favour of your life now get the fuck out of there.

EdithWeston Thu 25-Oct-12 17:48:53

Are you really going to settle for someone of whom the best that can be said is that he deigns to be nice sometimes?

Xales Thu 25-Oct-12 17:55:10


He didn't introduce you to people for years until after the birth of your first child!

You are looking at wedding venues with a man who is already married. A man who is vile over how much your dad is chipping in (I assume cold hard cash to his account rather than a deposit to a venue) who cannot legally in the UK actually marry you because he is already married and has no plans to divorce.

He is trying to persuade you to go in on buying a house which you will what? Put down some share of a deposit but have no rights to the house so if he drops dead it will belong to either is dad or his currant wife unless you have it sewn up water tight legally before hand!

What would you tell anyone else in this situation?

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