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Do I take him back?????

(24 Posts)
sailintothesunset Thu 25-Oct-12 13:31:22

I am married with no kids. A few months a go my DH told me he had cheated on me. I kicked him out, and took him back and then forgave him. Then the psychological abuse I kicked him out again. I am now living with 2 lovely friends and am trying to move on. DH is now begging for me back and I am considering it...but I went to see him last night to surprise him and I asked if he had been with anyone else while we were apart. He said last Friday he kissed someone in a club in London. This was AFTER he had begged for me back. I am so confused and hurt and I cant talk to my family because they will kill him if they knew he had strayed AGAIN. I love him so much but I don't know if I should let him get away with this kind of behaviour.

HotDAMNlifeisgood Thu 25-Oct-12 13:32:48

I don't know if I should let him get away with this kind of behaviour.

Only if you want it to keep happening.

Conflugenglugen Thu 25-Oct-12 13:48:34

I think your name says it all, sailintothesunset. Time to move on.

FannyFifer Thu 25-Oct-12 13:49:58

No, hope that helps.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Oct-12 13:52:36

Of course you don't take him back. You made the mistake of doing it once and now he thinks he has carte blanche to tom-cat around and, because you're a bit of a mug, you'll forgive him because you're desperate.

He's treating you with utter contempt and total lack of respect. Talk to your family because they've clearly seen right through him.

Apocalypto Thu 25-Oct-12 13:53:02


panicnotanymore Thu 25-Oct-12 13:55:26

No - he hasn't shown any sign that this was a one off mistake or that he is sorry. He hasn't changed. He is showing every sign of being a serial cheater. The psychological abuse alone is a massive massive red flag.

Lovingfreedom Thu 25-Oct-12 14:01:02

Stick to your guns...give yourself time and you'll get over the residual 'love' that you still feel for him now. Enjoy your time with your two lovely friends and be gentle with yourself. You can't just switch off your feelings for this guy. But in time you might well wonder why you didn't get away from him sooner.

In a kind of similar situation I found it useful to write down all the abusive, horrible and unacceptable things that I knew would come with living with him again. Then I used that list as a reminder every time that fucking annoying little voice in my head said 'but I love him". It worked for me.

If he is still snogging people in clubs when he's supposed to be trying to show his love for you and beg you to get back with him I don't think there's any hope of a serious commitment or turn-around. It's really pathetic behaviour on his part and in time you will come to see that you're well out of it.

orangina Thu 25-Oct-12 14:03:44

Nope. He is messing with your head and you don't need it. Get out while you can, and before he persuades you to get back together with him and have his child......

b1uesky Thu 25-Oct-12 14:04:47

Only take him back if your'e willing to accept him as he is ..if you can't accept his cheating then don't take him back b/c you know it will happen again. He doesn't have any respect for you and if he truly loves you he wouldn't cheat on you. You deserve better smile

ClippedPhoenix Thu 25-Oct-12 14:07:38

Take him back by all means OP if you want a life of sheer misery.

amillionyears Thu 25-Oct-12 21:16:21

In your heart of hearts you know he is wrong for you.
The fact that you have written this post bothers me.
And I suspect,that even though 9 posters have said no,dont do it,together with your family,I think you still may take him back?
Or has this been enough to stop you?

scottishmummy Thu 25-Oct-12 21:22:33

he's shown self to be liar and untrustworthy
he habitually cheats on you
and it makes you miserable,why would you chose such a life?

Flicktheswitch Thu 25-Oct-12 21:26:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mcmooncup Thu 25-Oct-12 22:32:39

Go cold turkey and follow the no contact rule. He's a bellend and stay clear. Unless you want a life of heartache. awesome website to get rid of losers

expatinscotland Thu 25-Oct-12 22:33:41


Doha Thu 25-Oct-12 22:34:18

you cannot be serious....

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Thu 25-Oct-12 22:34:45

If you have "mug" stamped on your forehead, then take him back

Dozer Thu 25-Oct-12 22:43:26

Run for the hills!

olgaga Thu 25-Oct-12 22:48:48

Ask yourself "Can I ever trust him again?".

There's your answer.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 25-Oct-12 23:51:09

Sometimes good people can make mistakes. It's possible to look on cheating in that light (massive fucking mistake, mind you, but a mistake all the same) and forgive, if not precisely forget, provided the cheater is totally remorseful and willing to do any work necessary to rebuild trust. There are posters on here who have accepted cheating husbands back (and the odd cheating wife whose husbands accepted them back), so it's not always the end of the world.

HOWEVER: given that his response to you being prepared to forgive his cheating was to start being horrible to you, er... that's not exactly being sorry, is it? He's done pretty much the exact opposite of what a good man who made a bad mistake would do. (Being a cynical cow, I would also suspect strongly that he admitted to a bit of kissing in a public place to test your reaction. Either he didn't do anything of the sort, or he did a lot more than a quick smooch with a passing attractive stranger, but rightly perceives that if he admitted to a blow job behind the bike sheds you wouldn't be terribly impressed. But who knows.)

Anyway, the bottom line is: run away, run away!

ImperialBlether Fri 26-Oct-12 00:26:36

No, why would you live with an unfaithful twat when you could live with your lovely friends.

I agree - go no contact at all. Get yourself a divorce and shout Next!

Abitwobblynow Fri 26-Oct-12 11:36:57

What Annie says. You can forgive a person who 'gets it'. They get how much they have hurt you, they are really sorry and work on the selfishness thoughts and attitudes that made them do it.

You haven't had any of that. He still disrespects you. Run!

ArtfulAardvark Fri 26-Oct-12 11:42:04

He sounds like a hassle to me, you have no children so personally I wouldnt bother. What exactly makes you think he is worth taking back because I cant see anything in what you say about him.

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