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"I need some space"

(14 Posts)
HeftyHeifer Thu 25-Oct-12 09:36:16

what does that mean to you? And does the meaning differ within the context of your relationship? ie, married or living together, maybe those words are inappropriate. If you're living separately it's ok to express your needs?

If I say it - and I said it for the first time in my life yesterday - it means just that. I need some space to think and be myself and basically take some time out. (Not a living together relationship and hardly a conventional relationship anyway).
I think DP may have taken it the way I've heard it in the past from men....it really meant I want to dump you but I'm too much of a coward to actually say the words....

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Oct-12 09:42:07

I think it has to be taken in context and not isolation. You find out your OH is screwing around and 'I need some space' means 'get out of my sight, preferably permanently'. You've had a bad day at the office and are heading to bed with a cup of cocoa and a book 'I need some space' means 'leave me alone for a while because I'm in a bad mood'.

If you think it's been misinterpreted, therefore, you need to clarify.

ByTheWay1 Thu 25-Oct-12 09:43:59

I would take it the way your DP may have -

to me it suggests you are saying to him "I don't really want to spend time with you any more" ... sorry...

HeftyHeifer Thu 25-Oct-12 11:18:41

hmm yes I think it was misinterpreted as his bottom lip came out and he stormed out of my house....
I think perhaps the only fair thing is for me to actually consider it broken up. I'm not sure about the relationship any longer. I felt like I needed time to thing about things and hoped some time apart may help to clarify the situation.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Oct-12 13:14:00

Then he didn't actually misinterpret? If you're not sure, need to think and want time apart, he's understood you perfectly.

SweetSeraphim Thu 25-Oct-12 13:24:49

He's doing what you asked then. We're you talking in code, because to my mind, needing space means you want a break from the relationship.

ClippedPhoenix Thu 25-Oct-12 13:27:55

His bottom lip came out and he stormed out of the house. How old is he OP? Hasn't that given you the answer you need on have "space"?

Forever maybe?

HeftyHeifer Thu 25-Oct-12 13:29:26

No I wasn't talking in code - not intentionally anyway. grin That's why I asked here to find out what it means to other people. What I meant was 'I need some space because I need to explore my feelings about the relationship'. I didn't mean 'I need some space = it's over'. Basically I hadn't reached any conclusions about the future of what was 'us'...I needed time to think about it. He asked me what was wrong, and even though I wasn't ready to talk about it, because I haven't reached a decision, I had to tell him the truth which is that I need some space. To think. To breathe. To be Hefty Heifer.
I've probably been single too long and not good at this any longer...

HeftyHeifer Thu 25-Oct-12 13:33:57

Clipped to be fair we were both behaving in a less than stellar way, but I do have low tolerance for flouncing. Which is what he did. He's mid 40's ish.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Oct-12 13:37:43

"What I meant was 'I need some space because I need to explore my feelings about the relationship'. I didn't mean 'I need some space = it's over'."

To me... if someone is having to explore their feelings in order to decide if they still like me enough to have a relationship with me or not, I tend to take the view that their heart really isn't in it. I would therefore rather jump than be pushed...

ClippedPhoenix Thu 25-Oct-12 13:40:34

If you're feeling suffocated by him OP then it's probably time to call it a day. A relationship "in my book" should be a gradual getting to know and wanting to spend time with each other thing.

How long have you been seeing him?

ClippedPhoenix Thu 25-Oct-12 13:41:31

What's not "conventional" about it?

OneMoreChap Thu 25-Oct-12 14:04:05

Context is everything.

I need space while in a discussion/argument I'd read as curtains down on discussion.

I'd walk away, too.

HeftyHeifer Thu 25-Oct-12 14:12:51

Yes, OMC, but no 'flouncing' ok?

I'm confused because things seem to be more on his terms at the moment and I feel a bit taken for granted. I've got a few problems in other areas of my life, and am feeling a bit browbeaten. What concerns me is that I haven't felt as if the relationship is a 'soft place to land' from all of the other problems. He does try to support me but he's got a lot on his own plate at the moment too and I just feel like another burden at times. I just feel overwhelmed and stifled by everything, him included.
It's rather unconventional in a way, but we are both single, I hope I didn't give the impression otherwise. We are (were) committed to one another and the relationship is a serious one.
Been together just over two years.

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